"The Pristine Smacker" by Alexander the Greater, October 2011

Disclaimer: All characters presented here are product of a fiction. Any resemblance to real characters is of a pure coincidence. No intention was made to insult anyone for any reason.

AN: This story is an act of fiction. No one is should attempt to act in the same manner as described.

AN2: None.

Summary: Two police detectives, an empty house and a cold night.

The Pristine Smacker

It was cold, winter night and detectives Natsuki Reo and Matthew Lillard managed to enter the house of the suspect.

- Shessus!, Matthew fought with some cobwebs. This place hasn't been used for a while.

- Perhaps she entered through the backdoor?, Natsuki dispersed his flashlight beams in all directions. Here, he moved closed to the stairs.

- Yup!, Matthew saw fingerprints on the handrail.

- Should we go down or descent like gentlemen?, Natsuki felt slight revulsion, noticing used syringes and condoms around.

- Like gents. Yup!, detective pursued without any enthusiasm.

After the stairs creaked underneath their weight, they found themselves in an unkempt and neglected basement area. Switching the lights on they could see some stains on the barren walls, used cans, clogged water sink, trash of various kind and more syringes on the floor.

- Can you ..., detective Natsuki sniffed the timid air, ... can you smell mice?

- Mice? Matthew sniffed, looking at some bloody stains on the wall. Yeah ... it COULD resemble mice ...

- We'd better finish up soon or I'll throw up!

- Gosh! ..., detective Lillard mused, smiling, opening a dirty refrigerator that was used as a piece of furniture now, ... just don't do it here since I had some pristine chicken wings six minutes ago ...

- All right then. We'll send for the photographers and climb back up. Bravo two come in ..., detective Natsuki tried to communicate his message, but there was no signal. Hey ..., Reo objected, waving with his radio, ... it's not working?

- We're below the surface, that's why. Matthew crouched and smelled something, then moved towards the stairs. Let's get going then.

After they have exited the house, letting other departments perform their fingerprinting and measuring work, detective Lillard lit a cigarette in the car while detective Natsuki started to type a report on the computer.

- What should I put?, Reo scratched himself behind the ear.

- That 429 E. Main St. in Riverhead was "clean" and that Margaret Mead was nowhere to be found.

- It doesn't sound too professional, Reo typed some more text, computer screen lighting up his face.

- Tell that to Suffolk County DA Thommy Knocker. Matthew watched some burning tires on what could depict a landfill in the vicinity. Shessus! They are burning tires on such a cold night ...

- Well ..., Reo sneered, ... why do you complain? You've got your wool sweater on?

- You can tell although I am wearing the uniform?, Matthew looked below on his stomach, then smelled underneath his armpits. You're some Seven Day Adventist Church member or something?

- No. I am a sociopath from the non-profit group called "ERASE Racism for good". Reo threw one mocking stare at Matthew. Will you let me now finish my homework?

- Who's gonna read that stuff anyway?, detective Lillard stared at some blonde girl that probably belonged to the pack of eager neighbors that were gathering like vultures, watching 429 E. Main St. place.

- How about ..., Reo lifted his head, massaging his neck, ... Tito Jackinson?

- Who?, Matthew puffed a long smoke, wishing he had some weed on him.

- "Enhancing public safety by seeking ways to effectively reduce offender recidivism", Reo changed his voice to immitate the mentioned official.

- Oh? Tee-toh!, Matthew pronounced slowly almost as if not wishing to summon the demon.

Some colleagues offered their reports and Matthew closed the window as soon as they were finished.

- I hate winter, Reo dejected, finishing his report. He massaged his neck again, staring at the police helicopter in the distance. So ... even if someone gets hands on Margaret Mead ..., turns towards Matthew, ... where will that lead to?

- Probably to Cromarty Court Complex Criminal Courts, Building 210, Center Drive Riverhead, New York 11901. Looks at some tattooed young guys driving bicycles on the snow with no lights present. But hey ... it's the XXI century ... everything's possible. He finished his cigarette.

- Mat ..., Reo watched some old couple wrapped in blankets pointing fingers at them, ... do you have some telephone number I can reach you in case of ..., he scratched his beard staring at the signal lights in the distance, ... in case of some emergency?

- Sure I do, pal. It's "852-COPS". Matthew dropped his chin, bulging eyes at Reo.

Reo watched Matthew extinguish his cigarette then burst laughing, trying to avoid the penetrating stare of that retired couple on the street.

Garbage truck parked in the vicinity, making noise while emptying the cans.