"I had a dream." - echoing Martin Luther King's words, is how this began – with a dream in 1976. In it we lived a life – the lives of this story, though not the story itself. And yes, we had a boy who had been terribly abused beside us, and we lived and loved, walking down an endless summer country road under a summer sun. When the dream ended we were devastated by the loss of that child and our love. It wasn't until April 2011 that we realized: this was about our teen and inner child – their state of affairs; how one had rejected the other (and love as well) – in order to avoid the pain of love – from inside himself (the teen) – and the outside world. Double armored and triple battered* . . . we struggled for many years.
While this is a fiction, the emotions and mental states described are real. I know. We have lived them. DID (disassociative identity disorder) is a tricky diagnosis. Everyone is different, just as alter-egos are different. We have tried to give insight into it, but it is difficult. It is like trying to describe a universe in a nutshell.
We tend towards the symbolic (for instance, we are the 'nut' with universes inside, and 'triple battered' refers to the three forms of abuse – sexual, physical, and mental). While writing and re-reading we noticed the use of double, triple, and quadruple meanings in words; symbols within symbols, and hidden meanings, reflecting the duality of one of our inner beings. An analytical part diligently noted those things. We will be releasing that notated copy soon – it grants a whole new world of insight to this story, revealing hidden things. At last estimate there were over 500 hidden meanings.
For those who survived child abuse, yes – you can heal, you can overcome. There is no magic key. You must do it yourself – following other people's guides and signposts. We did – by embracing ourselves with understanding, which led to love and compassion for our inner selves. "We" are family; albeit with problems, as any family with abused family members might be – however, we understand and love, and are happy now.
Thank you. Peace to you – and treat your children well. - J.W.
It wasn't until April 2011 that we realized this is the work of five primary 'alters', with two of them taking the lead (Matthew, the teenage alter, and Mikie, the child left behind, as Jeff) – and about eight others in 'supporting roles' (aiding and assisting, generally advising). We would like to thank them all for their contributions, and the creative core which drove them. We did 'it all' – from concept to publication; the graphics and beyond – its all the product of 'one mind' – one which is many; and many who can become one.
We wish to thank our spouse and wonderful daughter for putting up with us, our past and problems it has caused – and loving us nonetheless. We know it's been hard, and love you for understanding, or at least trying to. We would have died had it not been for our love of you; and your love of us.
We want to thank Brandi, a friend and mentor who took my inner child and protected him when all we wanted was that anguished and unloved child dead. Thank you, Brandi – wherever you are.
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This is just a partial list of some of the symbolism found. Feel free to find the other hidden meanings in this work. Perhaps you, like us, will find God peeping back at you through these words. At last count, we estimated there are over 500 symbols, double/triple/quadruple meanings in here, as well as numerous truths, ironies, opinions, and facts regarding the mental outlooks and feelings of the abused, abusers, and those who care for them. Good hunting – for they are there.
Note that items used to kill are used to heal. This reflects the duality of our nature, and is but one of many ironies we've found in this story
Ways of Understanding and Seeing the Symbols Within:
The Sparrow (a small fragile bird) is Jeff. Jeff is Love in today's world (beaten, abused). Love is God, or a part of him.
The Crow is Harold. Harold is Satan's son, a Lost Angel. He wants the power of his fathers and over them – both of them (Bobby and Jeff).
Matthew is . . . Matthew – both a man, and a fallen angel. We think Matthew most strongly represents the archangel Michael, defender of God – but who was once brothers with Satan before Satan's fall from grace; hence his conflicted nature.
Bobby Lee could be Satan; his home was a paradise; now it lays in ruin and neglect.
Derrick is Man – torn between ambition and his soul.
The Shed, Scene 1: The Crucifixion
The Shed, Scene 2: Hell
The Other Shed: Love kills Satan
Procedure represents Intellect. Intellect can be illustrated by religious books (e.g. the Bible, Koran, or Torah.)
A Hunch is from the heart, motivated by Love.
The Court is Society's Views; the Crowd is Mankind. The Judge could be seen as a preacher of mankind's words.
Food is life. Blue and or the sky stands for Freedom. White is the color of angels.
Note that when he is violent, Harold Thompson is "Thompson" - when he is loveing – 'Harold'.
Note that J.W. Is a conglamoration (meaning a glamorous conglomeration) of the words "Jeffery" and "Washington" … though in fact that entity's name is, indeed, "Jeffery Thompson" - a being created by the inner core and our being "Mikie" - to help us (finally!) - come to understand ourselves and our inner others, bringing with that understanding peace, love, compassion … and finally, forgiveness for what's been done. Yes, children … that can happen as well.
We hope that you have enjoyed this book, and now knowing what you know, can go back and find all those hidden references and meanings . . . see how sometimes things hinge on just one word. And if you really liked it please feel free to leave a comment on Amazon – or wherever you bought this thing. We'd appreciate you input.
Thank you very much.