The last time I walked this path was with Him.
Along the roadside, past the trees.
The trees had been wraped in golden and red leaves. Now they were harsh and bare, no soft colors muting their cold branches.
The air had been cool with a mellow breeze. It was now cold with gusts of heart-chilling wind. The last time I walked this path it was raining. Cool, calm, lifegiving rain. Now it is dry.
The sun denighs it's light, it hides behind dank, icy clouds that refuse to give cleansing rain.
Perhaps if it rained now like it had the day I walked with him, the memories would be washed away. The rain would clean away the pain and the tortured love that seemed so blissful the day that I ingnorantly walked with Him.
The world has changed in that space of time. The path I loved, and the man I loved, are altered almost beyong recognition.
But here and there, a familiar tree, that handsome smile, a friendly squrril, his kind hazel eyes.
I want to forget. I want to be ignorant again. I want to be walking down this path for the first time, observing the beauty in all around me for the first time. I want to not have memories of Him. To not recall his hand around mine, the warmth of his arms, and his lips on mine.
I want to forget the way I love Him, and to love Him no longer. I want to find one who can love me the way I will love them, and be free of the torn and bleeding rememberance of how I loved Him.
Is life so crule it will not grant me this? Will life force me to remember him and my love until the day I am at last released from the life I walk?
Perhaps ingorance will come some day. I must have that hope. And do my best to endure the memories now as I walk throught my life.
Perhaps release from this will come some day.