Bad Chicken

Bob is at the grocery store.

Bob: Do you have any chicken?

Grocer: Yes, in aisle 5, section 5, row 5, item number 5.

Bob: That sounds complicated.

Bob goes to where the chicken is and discovers it looks horrible (its green).

Bob: I'm not eating that.

Grocer: Oh, I forgot to tell you, it's free!

Bob: Deal!

Bob then goes home. He eats the chicken and dies. Then, a wizard comes and brings him back to life with wings. Bob eats the chicken again and loses his wings and dies again. Then, a giant comes in and punches him, bringing him back to life. The giant eats the chicken and dies. Bob eats the chicken and also dies. The wizard tries to get in, but gets killed by a giant fist. A witch comes in, but dies of old age. The fairy dies trying to open the door, and the fish dies from being out of water too long. The monkey dies in a nuclear explosion, two random guys get eaten by lions, and the cow, which was stupid enough to jump over the moon, got hit by a flying truck. A doctor finally comes in, performs CPR, and saves Bob's life. However, police officers soon come in and arrest Bob for cooking bad chicken and for killing the cow with the truck.

The Cheese Man

Bob is at home doing nothing when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door.

Stranger: I've come for your cheese!

Bob: OK, here you go!

Bob hands the stranger some cheese from the refrigerator, which, coincidentally, is located next to the door.

Stranger: Uh… don't you want to know the reason I'm taking it?

Bob: No, it smells like fart.

Stranger: OK, thank you.

Bob immediately becomes suspicious, so he follows the man while hiding behind bushes. When the man gets home, Bob tries to find out his password on a computer screen. He tries cake, then fork, then cake…

Bob: Ooh, I know! Cake!

Bob types cake. It doesn't work.

Bob: Darn. Maybe cheese.

Bob types cake by mistake, then cheese. The password is accepted by the machine. Bob walks in. He sees a mountain of cheese.

Bob: What… is this?

?: I'll tell you.

The strange man walks in.

Strange man: I am the Cheese Man, I steal all cheese!

Bob: Why not steal something less smell, like cake!

Cheese Man: Cheese looks cool. Also, the cake burglar was already taken.

The Cheese Man takes Bob's cheese out of his pocket and holds it up.

Cheese Man: And this is your cheese, which I will throw into the mountain, where you'll never find it.

Bob doesn't know how to respond to this.

Cheese Man: Any last words before you part with your cheese?

Bob grabs a brick out of his pocket and throws it at the Cheese Man to knock him out. Bob takes his cheese back and runs off.

Bob: I know what I said, but cheese costs $2 these days.

The Rhino

Bob is at the zoo. He's waiting in line.

Bob: I want a double cheesy cheeseburger with extra cheese on it. I'd also like an order of cheese with that.

Ticket Collector: Sir, this is a zoo, not Mr. Cheese's Cheese Restaurant.

Bob: I know, I just wanted a double cheesy cheeseburger with extra cheese on it and an order of cheese.

Ticket Collector: Do you have a ticket?

Bob: Yes, here you go.

Bob hands the ticket collector a ticket covered in cheese. He goes inside.

Bob: Where are the elephants?

Bob spots a rhino that's looking a different way. He walks toward it.

Bob: Hi, elephant!

The rhino turns around.

Rhino: Sir, I'm not an elephant, I'm a rhino.

Bob: Hey, why is an elephant talking?

Rhino: I'm a rhino!

Bob: Well, that's a nice name for an elephant. Nice to meet you, rhino.

Rhino: My name's not rhino! My name is Joe! I'm not an elephant! I am a rhino!

Bob: OK Mr. Joe Rhino Elephant. Isn't the weather just lovely?

Rhino: You idiot! I am a rhino!

Bob: Ok, Mr. Rhino.

Rhino: How many times do I have to tell you? I am an elephant!

Bob: Whatever you say, rhino.

Rhino: I'm going to strangle you if you don't call me an elephant!

Bob: Ok, ok. You're an elephant. I'm going to go get some cheese.

Rhino: Ok, see you later.

Bob leaves. The rhino realizes what just happened.

Rhino: Hey, wait a minute!

The End