You roll your eyes.
All this drama is crawling underneath your skin.
But to me it's not drama; it's my life you're messing with!
Of course to you this dramatic declaration of feelings is pointless,
It gets you nowhere in life plus people become immune to pleas like mine.
You fail to understand my words, they appear somewhat un-intelligent to you and your long winded sentences, but I understand every word, every view point and every feeling you evoke when you talk.
All I wanted to point out that in this rather complicated turn of events was that we lost who we are as humans, we lost our friends both new and old and we lost our emotions.
We tread, now, on uneven paths and tip-toe round each other; everyone fearing each other for the secrets they might spill.
Its like a sickening rollercoaster, I'll say this if you do that! How childish must we be?
I know somewhere deep inside you armour there must be something I can appeal to.
Of course we all have the somewhat desperate power that we could use to destroy each other. But is that really all we can think and feel about? Do we really just want to save face and save our own necks in all this?
Either way I know I will not win with you, not because I am weak but because I have stopped playing the childish games which distract me from what's really important.
In case, you failed to realise in your own atmosphere, time is short and I know we won't last forever so what point is it to waste the time we do have. We may as well live in our coffins six feet under if we do that.
So can you see now why I don't tread on eggshells around you? I keep our meetings quaint and professional. Civil and polite.
I'd rather not act a fool and say the words I know once formed in my mind and lips.
You have a strong dislike to me, as do I to you. Let us lay down the swords and walk away because if you, like me, want to be treated maturely then isn't that the way to be?
This long winded speech on how I feel may not interest a busy person like yourself but I need to say it to you so that you'd understand how I perceive things too. It's only fair and I am most confident you will not bother to glance at it.
You have never taken the opportunities to look at my words even though they reflect me, probably because you find me nothing but an entertainer wanting an audience.
When all I have ever wanted was a sympathetic ear and an open minded heart.
Once I had hoped that would've been you but now that I see how insignificant I am in your plans, I see how little I really am to you.
I know you never planned to leave me behind, not really, but repercussions of events and even the stressful encounters of our lives have led us in different directions.
What I feel as I look across that face etched in our memories, is that our laughs in much younger and foolish days have turned sour.
We have made mistakes which I know I regretted more than most now I look back. You always did say I over-analysed things.
But you never got round to informing me how I could turn of my mind from thinking, how I could stop my heart from feeling.
The sweet bliss on hard times that only seems to fall in a peaceful night's dream or endless slumber.
Those friendly hugs whenever our tears were shed about something so cruel only our hearts knew where to run.
I ran to you. I ran to the comfort I hoped to find waiting.
But now as the light falls on us, I know you were never mine to hold. You were just on loan to me.
I wish I could wave you off and say that we had times neither would forget.
But I know you would not remember me. After all, I was merely second best which you picked up to glance at when no other prize was to be won or fought over.
I can't help thinking that these scars were down to me.
I leapt in too quickly, hoping to find a soft comfort but instead I am falling.
I don't know how far I'll have to fall before I realise the truth.
The truth which curses me with endless thoughts that torment me at all hours,
The truth is I can't stop thinking about you and my feelings towards you.
I wish I could have that boring hatred that other people have with the past.
I wish I could scream at you and shout at you till the breath inside me ran cold with fear of my own thoughts.
I wish I could punch you till I grew weak of the games we were playing.
I'm not trying to say I was perfect in all this; no that would make me a martyr.
Of course you and I both know what sins we committed.
I won't complain any further, that would talk up your time.
Though that's if you bothered to read this.
I just wanted you to know my feelings before I walked away,
Because to me, I wanted to extinguish this raging feud and leave in peace,
I hope when you're alone, you come to realise that this olive branch of mine is not some sadistic trick or some pitiful trap. It was honest and it was hopeful.