I never believed in getting married. Which I guess stemmed from my childhood angst-or whatever my therapist at the time called it.

My parents got divorced when I was eight. My dad got divorced exactly three more times by my high school graduation and once more by the end of my four year college.

My mom got remarried once and has been with him since I was thirteen. Which explains why I lived with my mom throughout my childhood.

It was supposedly a more stable basis for me to grow upon, but it really wasn't. I still ended up becoming a womanizing playboy.

Which I can't blame on my mom of Jared or even my dad.

My man whore tendencies were all my doing.

Although the marriage thing I wholeheartedly blame on my parents.

So you ask 'why is Johnny heading to a bridal dress store in the middle of the day?'- well that's all Caleb's doing.

And believe me I was completely against this.

"Hey Johnny boy what's your agenda for today?" Caleb opens and closes our refrigerator.

"Not much," I type a couple of words into my laptop, "I don't have any clients today or tomorrow."

"Great! So you wouldn't mind accompanying me would ya?"

"Where?" I raise an eyebrow.

He shrugs, "Nowhere…just…some place."

"That didn't answer my question." I shut my laptop this time and turn to look at him. He looks nervous. But of course he's up to something. I'd be worried if he wasn't.

He sighs, "Look Johnny I have some news for you and it isn't good."

I roll my eyes, what a drama queen.

"I'm serious here! Do you doubt me and the level of importance of this news?" He feigns an overly hurt expression.

"You haven't even told me what this news is so how would I know how important it is?"

"Okay good point…" He looks nervous again.

"Look if you don't want to tell me then I might as well-"

"No! I'm going to tell you. I have to-I told you it's important. I'm just preparing myself."

I hold my hands up, "Fine."

"Good." Caleb sits down next to me on our plush leather couch.

Our loft is unusually well decorated for two straight males. The contributing factors to that are that Caleb can be a bit homosexual at times and that he once dated an interior designer.

I lean back into the armrest and fold my arms over my chest while giving him an expectant look.

"Okay…well you might just freak out or maybe you won't-chances are you won't but it's just a façade you put on to mask your true feelings…but well…" he gives me a sad look, "Brianne's getting married."

I chew on the inside of my lip.



"John? John Braxton Oliver?"

"Cool, I'm happy for her." I decidedly answer and shrug.

So maybe I'm not really happy for her.

Caleb over-dramatically sighs, "John you know you can stop pretending."

"Look just because you're a psychiatrist or working towards that-doesn't mean that you can read my mind." I give him a look.

So maybes he's right about that too.

I am pretending.

But hell Brianne is getting married and this is possibly the only time I'd consider crying over it. Except I don't cry and I won't be crying over this anytime soon.

"I'm serious Caleb I'm happy for you cousin."

"Yeah my cousin and your ex-girlfriend." He gives me a look like I'm the biggest idiot alive.

"Yeah so?"

"So! So she's the girl you're madly in love with."

"I'm not."

"Oh you can't fucking lie to me like that. At least make it a good lie."

"I'm not lying."

Shit I just lied about lying. But if I lie to myself then maybe I'll believe it and it'll become true.

"Fine I'll take that for now, but we're going to help Bri while she looks for dresses." Caleb gets up. I notice the slight smile on his face while my jaw drops.

"No, no way in hell am I-"

"If you're so happy for her then you wouldn't have a problem going with me. Miranda can't make it and I promised her I'd be there. You're not busy and you haven't seen Bri in ages so might as well go right? I mean friends can support them can't they?"

I scowl, "You're an evil man."

"I get inside the mind. It's the most hurtful kind of tactics."

I scratch the side of my nose and get up.

About two years ago I met Brianne. She was staying with us in our old apartment for a week while she was getting things settled in her new apartment with her boyfriend at the time. Bri and I quickly became friends. She was undoubtedly the most beautiful girl I'd known and it was a shock that I hadn't slept with her yet-I sleep with everyone really. But with Bri we were friends and of course I was attracted to her. I had a crush on her which admittedly was cute. We started to date and things just didn't work out.

Miranda would say that there was a lot more to it than just that.

Caleb would say that I had truckloads of prepressed feelings and memories that I'd be willing to sell my soul to the devil if it meant that I'd never have to unlock them.

But that that really matters is that Brianne is getting married, and it's not to me.

"Are you ready?" Caleb puts a hand on the door and I just roll my eyes.

"Yes," I growl, "We're just watching her try on dresses."

"And sample wedding cakes." He adds.

I shake my head, "And sample wedding cakes. Where's her fiancé shouldn't he be here to help her instead of us?"

"He's busy." Caleb shrugs.

"Oh so you hound me on my repressed feelings and yet you don't say anything about how that guy isn't even here?" I give him a slightly repulsed look.

"He's a busy guy! Plus Miranda was supposed to be here in the first place not-"

"That doesn't answer why he's not here. If I was-you know what never mind." I reach for the door but Caleb stops me.

He smiles this goofy grin, "You were about to say 'if I was getting married to Bri then I'd be here with her'."

"So maybe I was and maybe I wasn't."

I was.

"Fine." He looks damn smug and leads me inside the store.

"Don't be too worried Johnny boy-"

"I'm not."

"-Because I mean Brianne has always been never one for awkward moments and-"

We both stop and shut up.

"I look ugly! I look fat and I'm just ugh! Why am I even getting married-who would want to marry someone as unattractive as me? No one that's who."

"Brianne dear your fiancé wants to marry-"

"What do you know-nothing." Brianne sasses. I inwardly smile at her attitude, "But really I should just not get married."

"Brianne you've just started planning your marriage. Everything will be fine."

Caleb and I smile at each other and proceed to the dressing area where Bri's having her fit. She's always been a drama queen like Caleb.

"I'm sorry Christine I'm just kind of hysterical…" Brianne admits and touches her dress.

I'm definitely stunned. It's definitely not the best dress but damn Bri looks fantastic. She always did, but she just looks much more-she just looks different. In the most amazing way possible.

I even have a little trouble breathing. Or maybe it's because Caleb just jabbed me with his elbow.

"God where's Miranda…she'd know how to calm me down seriously no offense Christine but you are so not calming."

"Sorry Bri you're stuck with us." Caleb says and finally the two women recognize us.

"Caleb!" Bri gives him a sad smile and the cousins hug each other.

When they let go Brianne catches me staring at her.

"Johnny!" And before I know it she's enveloped me in a hug too. She really must be hysterical.

I quickly wrap my arms tight around her tiny figure and lift her up a bit. I'm guessing she's barefoot since she's at her slightly under five and a half feet height instead of the usual. Normally she wears heels that look far too uncomfortable for anyone.

I savor her scent and the feeling of hugging her again.

I feel her grip loosen to I let her go. To my surprise though she holds onto my hands and looks into my eyes. As cheesy as it sounds I melt at her touch and her eyes-god her blue eyes.

My eyes drift to the handful of freckles right under her eyes.

"How are things?" She asks.

I draw circles on her hand with my thumb and shrug, "Same as always. How's the fiancé of yours?"

"Busy. I'm just hysterical because maybe I shouldn't be getting married-maybe-"

"You deserve to get married if that's what you want Bee. You're worried over nothing. You look beautiful no matter what dress you're wearing and I'm sure you'll find the right…dress." It's a surprise that I've managed to say this much to her.

"Thanks Johnny," She gives my torso another hug, "Are you missing work for me or-"

"No-no I'm all yours today."

If I don't have an emotional breakdown that is.

Bri smiles at me and I can't help but smile back.

"Is this your fiancé?" Christine with a huge smile on her face-like she's watching a litter of puppies.

"No." The three of us answer at once.

I can't help but feel a slight sting in my chest.

"Johnny this is my wedding planner and a friend or cousin or friend of a cousin of Miranda's. Christine this is-"

"-Bee's ex-boyfriend-ex-friend-ex-lover Johnny." Caleb buts in. Bri hits him and glares.

"Looks like a better match than the other guy…" Christine mutters. I take it that I'm the only one who catches it.

"Well how about we head to the cake shop," Bee heads to the dressing room and Christine stands with us.

"Let me know if you need any help." She adds.

"You haven't met Bri's fiancé?" I ask.


"Let me guess-he's busy?" I roll my eyes.

"Bri's fiancé is a dentist and we both know that Bri isn't exactly…well she's…Bri." Caleb tells me.

If he's a dentist then he has to be like thirty years old right?

And even if she was my friend Bri was very manipulative. She's the Queen and everyone is her subjects. In the sense that anyone would do anything for her.

She only does things if it benefits her.

So she either loves this guy-doubtful-or she's benefitting from the marriage.

"Let me take a wild guess. This guy she's marrying, he's loaded isn't he?"

"That's a loaded question there Johnny." Caleb answers.

"You can't dance around this Caleb."

"Fine-fine, he's disgustingly rich and he's like over thirty-five. But this is Bee we're talking about-"

"What are you saying about me?" She nonchalantly says as she walks out of the dressing room. She has a maroon dress on that reaches a bit above mid-thigh, her lipstick matches it and she has on those black pumps and a black cardigan.

"Hey look! You and Johnny boy are matching." Caleb changes the subject. I look down at my maroon polo and dark jeans.

"Well isn't that something." I say sarcastically. I stick my hands in my pockets and the four of us leave.

The three of us wrinkle our noses and push one plate aside.

"Too much chocolate," Bee says.

"I still like the red velvet." I add. Red velvet cake is both mine and Bee's favorite cake.

"You guys have to try this one." Caleb points to the yellow cake with a light pink frosting, "It's a lemon cake with a lemon cream cheese frosting."

We give him a look but try it anyway.

"That's actually really good." Bee's eyes widen.

"Yeah it is." I agree.

Caleb looks smug.

"So we're done then? This is like the fifth cake shop we've been to." Caleb scratches the side of his face. The two cousins have an obvious resemblance. They both have the porcelain complexion and the same brown hair along with just a general same feeling.

Caleb's taller though, only an inch or two shorter than myself and he doesn't have Bri's gorgeous full pouty lips.

My eyes linger on Bee a bit longer as she takes a bit of an untouched cake. I can't tell if I'm smiling or not.

"You guys can leave if you want. Christine and I will be fine. We're done after this place." Bee shrugs.

I both want to leave and stay. If I left then I'd be away from Bri which is half good and half bad, but then I could ask Caleb about this fiancé of hers.

"We should head out then." I stand up and stretch. I easily tower over her, but she doesn't even seem to care. If I was analyzing her actions then I'd say that she was purposely acting this way so I'd be more inclined to talk to her- to get the attention she's not giving me-but I'm not. Really I'm not.

"Yeah, see you later cuz." Caleb gives the top of her head a kiss and I wave. She gives me a noncommittal wave and we leave.

"More Bee mind games." I shake my head.

"You two played so many mind games I'm surprised that you don't see a therapist."

"Why do I need a therapist when I have you?" I sarcastically add.

He hits me, "You're damn lucky you have me."

I shrug with a slight smile, "Now let's finish that conversation and you can tell me about Bee and her fiancé."

"What do you think? Sure she's marrying for his money but she likes him too. Bri and Cody aren't like you and her. Honestly she doesn't feel any passion towards the guy but he sure as hell is into her. She's kind of going to be a trophy wife…or a gold-digger…or something. He does anything she wants really. He's just her big toy."

I shake my head, "She never changes."

"Neither do you." He looks up at me.

That's true. I haven't. I'm still a womanizing playboy. I still sleep around. I still don't remember most of the girls I sleep with. I still don't plan on getting married. I still don't want to admit it. I'm still in love with Bee and I'd give everything up just to be another one of her pawns.

A/n: Okay actually this is probably my NaNoWriMo story except it's already November 8th and I don't even know if I can write every day since school is kicking my ass but I'm trying here.

So bear with me here.

I'd also love feedback/motivation!

Lotsa love XX