Dedicated to my best friend, she is the strongest person I know and has stuck by me through everything. Please stay strong and don't give up x
Waiting For A Miracle
This is where I say I've had enough
And no one should ever feel the way that I do now
A walking open wound, a trophy display of bruises
And I don't believe that I'm getting any better...
Saints and Sailors by Dashboard Confessional
The pressure…the pressure…the suffocating pressure closed in on me, stopping me from escaping and finding a way out. I wanted to get out of my emotional hell hole but there was another part of me not letting go.
I curled up in a ball in the corner of the bathroom, pulling my legs up to my chin. My whole body racked with violent sobs as if it would let all the hurt out. I know that what I was doing to myself was wrong but it felt as if my own pain was the only one who understood me.
My friends tried to tear down my walls and let themselves in but my barriers were rock solid and kept me trapped inside like a prisoner. As for my family…well…I didn't have any family. My sweet, loving, caring mother had left me, she left me when I needed her most and never came back…she died fighting, her days filled with the endless torture inflicted on her. I had no siblings and the only family I had wasn't much of a family; my father used to be amazing, he was the dream father who everyone wanted - he loved both me and my mother and said that nothing came before his family. But, as they say, all good things come to an end. This phrase applied to my life more than others; my father had lost his job and spent endless days trying to recruit into new companies but they were all futile efforts…
I clearly remember the day that he came storming down the stairs, a furious expression plastered on his face and anger seemed to radiate off him. He charged towards mom and said in a cold, steely voice, "I give up."
My mother looked at him in shock and murmured quietly, "What?"
He glared at mum and repeated in a loud, ferocious shout, "I GIVE UP!"
I backed away, unable to face this beast which had taken over the father I knew and loved. Shock and disappointment masked my mother's faced as she tried to calm him down, "R-Richard, honey, you can't give up. I'm sure that you will f-"
My father silenced her. He silenced her with a hard, stinging slap. I looked at my mother, my feelings furiously swimming through sadness and anger. I willed myself to talk but the frightened look on her face and the way she feebly touched the red imprint on her cheek as tears spilled out of her eyes made me realise that no one, not even my mother, was as strong as they think they are.
I don't know how long I spent there, curled up in a foetal position as traitorous tears dripped down my pale cheeks, but however long it was, I knew that I had to get ready.
Slowly, being careful to not to slip, I stood up on my feet and took off my clothes before jumping into the shower. I let the warm water run down me and untie the knots in my body. I wanted this false moment of piece to last longer but I knew that I should get going before the bus left.
I turned off the tap and wrapped a pink, soft towel around my body. I picked up the plastic hairbrush lying on the edge of the sink and ran it through my dark, tangled hair. I grabbed my things and clumsily ran out of the bathroom and into my bedroom, trying to keep my towel from falling down.
A wave on annoyance flooded through me as I glanced at the clock on my bedside table which was glaring bright, red digits that read 8:10. My bus was going to arrive in less than 10 minutes and yet here I was standing in a towel with damp hair dripping onto the floor.
I grabbed my hairdryer lying on my pink, dressing table which was clattered with perfume, hair products and make up. I plugged it and turned in on, letting the gush of hot air dry my hair. After my hair was relatively dry, I threw on the first clothes I could find – dark, skinny jeans and a blue, worn out t-shirt. I grabbed my school bag and threw on my converses before rushing out of my room.
As I walked down the staircase, a pang of paranoia hit me when I noticed the broken bottles scattered on the floor. I was thankful to God that he had passed out on the couch before seeking me out but deep inside, I knew that today, I would get it twice as bad. When I was new to this harsh life, I prayed to whoever was up there for this abuse to finish but I gave up after years of useless wishing.
I threw open the front door, eager to get out of the house as soon as I could, feeling strangely excited to go to school; after all, I was meeting up with Lena, my best friend who I had not seen for over 2 months and, obviously, it was a reason to temporarily get out of my personal hell.
I pumped my legs and ran faster when I noticed the school bus pulling at the stop on the other side of the road. Before I came, the doors where already closing but I slapped them and the bus driver opened them, an annoyed expression took over as he glared at me. The students sitting didn't bother to give up a seat to me as I looked for a space to sit. My eyes caught sight of the familiar, vibrant red hair of Lena. A small smile made my way onto my face, Lena grinned at me but then smiled sympathetically when she realised that I had nowhere to sit. I usually sat next to her but my seat had been taken by some boy who was furiously tapping away at his iPhone. I shrugged at her and began to search again. I lurched forward but gripped onto the seat beside me as the bus driver accelerated. I sighed and thought to myself, 'Well, it looks as if I'll have to stand today.'
Before I could stand to the side, I saw a seat occupied only by a black rucksack next to a boy. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as I wondered why people needed their bags to have their own seat – honestly, it seemed as if chivalry really was dead these days. I walked over to the seat and coughed loudly to get the boy's attention but he was too pre-occupied listening to music and gazing out the window. I tried tapping his shoulder but I resulted in pulling out one of his earphones to make him noticed.
He turned his head and looked at me in annoyance, his ice blue eyes fixed in a glare, "What?"
I looked at him with a bored expression, "Please move your bag."
Without another word he moved his bag to the space on the floor in front of him before turning back to look outside. I huffed and sat down on the seat, feeling slightly hurt by his…lack of greeting. I studied his profile and noticed three, silver piercings glinting from his ear and his dark, tousled hair. If he wasn't so…attractive I would've gave more of a ruder comment but, truth be told, guys like him intimidated me.
Absent-mindedly, I played with the cuff of my hoody, pulling down the sleeves to hide my marks of despair on my wrists. I looked back at Lena who was looking at me with a sad expression, obviously aware of what I was trying to hide.
She hated what I did to myself and I kept on trying to tell her that I did too. She didn't understand that I did it to let myself know that there are greater pains in the world and to make my emotional stress fade away as I felt the physical pain. I wanted to stop it, I was disgusted by it but I was scared. I was scared that if I stopped I would go into some disorder. I hated the fact that some people only did it for attention, they would do it in front of others and want the spot light and remorse be on the; deep within my heart, I called them liars and cheats, if the pain they felt was genuine they would shy away from the world and be ashamed of how they hurt themselves.
I was snapped out of my thoughts as the boy next to me tapped me on the shoulder.
I looked over at him in confusion, "Huh?"
He replied, the cold glare still in place, "Get up."
I looked around me and noticed that people were getting up and rushing out of the bus which had come to a stop. I got up, throwing my bag onto my shoulder and mumbling a soft, "Thanks" to the driver before making my way towards the large, iron gates of Earle High School.
The parking lot was bustling with teenagers rushing around, catching up with friends and running into school. I quietly made my way through the crowd, searching for the spot where my friends and I sat. A small pang of relief flooded through me when I noticed some familiar faces crowded by a tree. I ran up to them and couldn't help but grin and throw my arms around Lena.
"Oh my gosh!" she gushed, "I missed you sooooo much, Skylar!"
I grinned and replied, in a saner manner, "I missed you too! It's good to be back."
"Hey, Skye, wanna share the love with the rest of us?" a familiar voice called from behind me.
I turned around a squealed when I saw Sean, my best guy friend who was looking at me with a huge smile plastered on his face. He enveloped me into a big hug which I returned. I greeted the rest of my friends – Katie, Owen and Nate. I asked them about their holidays and they told me all the places they went to. Katie asked me, "So, enough of us – what did you do, Skye?"
I tried to hide the bitter expression making its way onto my face and laughed lightly, "Um..I didn't do much. I only..uuh…went to see my um grandparents down in…in… California."
"Boooring," Nate said jokingly and I playfully hit his arm.
Sean and Lena looked at me in sympathy; they were the only other people, excluding my councillor, who knew about my…home issues. I brushed away the remorse and included myself in their conversation.
"Lena, what was this amazing news you wanted to tell us?" Owen spoke up next to Nate.
Lena looked at us in excitement, "Okay, I know you may not find this as amazing as I found it but…my brother's back!"
My eyes widened and smiled, "Oh my gosh! I'm so happy for you!"
I had only seen Lena's brother briefly a few years ago, back when we were in Middle School but then he got sent away to live with his aunt because of his...attitude issues. He was 3 years older than us which made him 19 but he had to re take the final year of high school because he was moved down a year.
Everyone else replied in the same manner, all of us feeling over joyed for Lena. For all the years her brother had gone, she had missed him a lot.
Katie piped up in a fake flirtatious voice, "Soo, when do we get to meet him?"
Sean burst into laughter, "Oh Katie, your pathetic – this is Lena's brother we're talking about, flirting with him would be just kinda…wrong."
Katie fake pouted and crossed her arms like a 3 year old, "Fine then."
We all laughed at her pathetic attempt which she rolled her eyes to.
"No, seriously, when do we actually get to meet him?" I asked.
Lena smiled, "Hm, I'll go fetch him for you!" With that, she hopped up and ran off into the crowd.
"I'm guessing he goes to our school, "Nate said.
"No shit Sherlock, "Owen said and hit him with a book.
"Ow dude what the hell wrong with you?" Nate asked and rubbed his arm where he had been hurt.
"Your mom last night, "Owen answered.
"Owen, that doesn't even make sense," Katie said.
"Whatever, miss smarty pants, "he said in a bored voice.
Katie rolled her eyes and muttered, "Boys." I laughed and agreed with her.
To be honest, we could hear Lena before we could see her; we heard her squealing like an over energized bunny, "Oh my god, I'm so glad your finally going to meet them!"
"Talking like a moron isn't gonna get us there quicker, Lee," a familiar bored voice retorted.
'Why do I feel as though I've heard that voice somewhere?' I thought to myself.
Lena ran up to us, an ecstatic grin stretched across her face, "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…Felix Griffiths!"
"Oh my god, "me and Sean muttered together, totally expecting this entrance from Lena.
Lena stepped to the side, "Hurry up, Felix!"
"For god sake, I'm coming!" he called and ran up to us.
Oh. My. Jeebus. Now I know why that voice was so familiar to me.
That raven dark hair, the ice blue eyes and the piercings in his ears…oh and, of course, the black rucksack.
Felix was none other than that strangely intimidating guy from the bus. Oh dear…
A/N This idea actually came to me in a biology lesson haha and I really wanted to get it down on paper.
Please review to tell me what you think of it and whether or not you want me to continue it! Thanks!