Controlling me, isolating me, manipulating me.
So afraid of me making indelible mistakes, which that in itself pushes me towards them
Not out of rebellion, but out of compulsive need to find what I'm missing.
Smothering me in hollow love so when I give in and open up
I'm harshly greeted with the emptiness of your affection
making me vulnerable to the slightest act of domination.
A smile, A complement, A hug
seem to almost kill a part of you when given
but I've learned the hard way not to rely on something so flimsy
because I've learned to do what is expected not what I want
the slightest bit of individualism that doesn't meet your standards
Is crushed by you "superior" wit
sending me back into the oblivion of servitude
losing more of the self I may never meet.
But I can't show my darker emotions
because your disgust at their source will cripple me even further
making it where I couldn't survive without you.
Since if being to pushed to that point,
I know no one could love or even tolerate me even less they could now.
So I reacquaint myself with the numbness that's been my closest friend for as long as I can remember.
But I can't blame you, I cant blame you for anything...