remember, remember to make it into a joke. sometimes you come uncomfortably close to screaming, to letting your fear fall into anger. you don't want to drive these beautiful - complex - insane - amazing people away by making it into a big deal. so when they come up behind you and make you jump, when they make jokes that force you to remember, don't even think about letting on. smile, laugh, don't give in to the dizzy, the fear. don't let your smile fade or your eyes grow dim. don't say anything, anything at all, don't walk away. don't even bite your lip, because it's a nervous habit. laugh and do your best to change the subject without being too obvious. because you don't want them to see how crazy you are, how easily triggered. so bury it, baby, hide it deep within you and don't you dare fucking scream.