Walk Away

It'll bother you for a while.
But only mildly.
It'll only feel like someone's
Ripped out your lungs
Filled them with gravel,
Dirt and dust
Put them back in and said
"There, good as new!"

Whenever you breathe
You'll feel like your chest rattles,
Like your ribs are being
Chipped away from within,
Like the air isn't clean,
Like everything is polluted
And worst of all you'll feel the urge
To cough until it all comes back up –
The gravel, the dirt, the dust –
Hell, maybe you're whole lung.
And if you're lucky,
Maybe your heart will go too.
Wouldn't that be a neat party trick?
You broke my heart – here do you want it?

Does anyone want you?
Not likely.
You're too damaged for most
But not enough to write off.
You thought about getting help
But every time you do
You just start coughing,
Hacking up a lung
In hope of a quick fix.

Sometimes you wonder
If you just kept coughing
Would everything come back?
The pain and heartbreak
And words that go round
And round and round
As your heart pumps them
Through all your veins –
Poisonous and fatal.
What gives you life is killing you.

But you can't help that,
Can't fault your body
For going on without you.
It's used to this, after all.
Used to surviving
Through all manner of torture.
Mostly self inflicted
But who needs to know that?
It's become accustomed
To an autopilot life.
You don't remember the last time you had control.

Through the gravel, the dirt, the dust,
Your lungs will keep breathing.
Through the words like poison
Your heart will keep beating.
And you'll keep believing
That uncaring lie:
Times heals everything.
Well, maybe you're out of time.

She'll stand there nervous
And says it's over.
Begging with her eyes
For you to just be okay.
Hoping you won't do anything stupid,
Like begging with her,
Like pleading with her to stay.
And you won't
Because you love her
And you can't see her hurt.
Not by your own hand –
Especially not by your own hand.

So you'll smile, haggard,
And she won't notice
Because you smiled
And that's all she needs to see.
You'll stand there and lie
And say it won't bother you for long,
You'll get over it,
You'll be okay.
She'll smile kindly,
Pat your arm,
Wish you well
And walk away.
You don't want to live anymore.