His name is Joshua. Joshua Michael Bennett. Josh.

Josh is perfect. I love everything about him. His infectious smile, the way throws his head back when he laughs, the deodorant he uses, absolutely everything.

The only problem is that Josh likes a friend of mine. It's not that I'm jealous or anything… Okay, I'm a little jealous. But I'm happy for her. If she's what Josh wants, then that's what I want. I only want for him to be happy.

But seeing Josh with her… with Kimberley… it kills me. Not in the literal sense, obviously, but that's sure what it feels like. I hate it. I hate knowing that although he's with her, he should be with me. He's way out of my league, but I just know that we would be perfect together. Josh and Penny. Penny and Josh. Jenny. Posh.

As you have probably assumed, I have a crush on Josh. Only, it's more than that. It's not love, at least, I don't think that its love, but my feelings for Josh seem be different than a typical crush. This isn't the same kind of crush that my big sister Katie has on celebrities. No, this is different. It can't be just a crush.

But what is a crush?

Let's Google it.

…Define Crush.

"To press between opposing bodies-" Eww, no. I'm pretty sure that no opposing bodies are being pressed.

"To overwhelm or oppress severely" Overwhelmed? Hell to the yeah. If there's any word that can describe how I'm feeling, it's overwhelmed. Those butterflies that invade my stomach every time I see him? Overwhelming. That rush of emotion that hits me at 100 miles per hour every time we make eye contact? Totally overwhelming. But to oppress? I'm not sure if that's the word I would use. Sure, this tragic unreturned love is putting me down, but it's not oppressing me. Or is it?

On to the next definition!

"To hug, especially with great force." What I'd give to get a hug from Joshua Bennett! To hold him, to be in his arms, safe and protected.

"To break-" My heart? Most definitely.

You know what? These definitions are bad! They have nothing to do with my situation here. I need to scroll down this page.

"A dense crowd of people"…. "The act of crushing" …. "To press, mash, or squeeze"

No, no, no, NO!

Scroll further….

Eureka! I've found it! Something of relevance!

"Crush; temporary love of an adolescent."

.

..

….Temporary? Hell no! This 'crush' is not temporary! I have been obsessed with this boy for nearly ten months now. You cannot tell me that this is temporary. I will not rest, I will not give up until the day comes when Josh realises that Kimberley isn't for him, and then he will see me, and it will be love at first sight. See? It's meant to be! We're destined for each other. This, my friends, is far from temporary! This is long term, baby. Very long term. Eternal.

So if it's not a crush, then it must be love, right? Unreturned love, sure, but still love! Google, this one's over to you again.

Love, love, love… Here we go.

"A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person." Now this is what I'm talking about! My feelings for Josh are deep, tender, and most of all ineffable! This proves that what Josh and I have is way beyond what my sister and Justin Bieber are ever going to have. My sister, she loves his hair. That's about it. But my love for Josh is ineffable – there is no way of expressing my feelings for him! My love is ineffable!

"An intense, emotional attachment." Yes! You're reading my mind! Love. There is nothing else that it could be. This is love. I think I love you, Joshua Bennett.

"Penny?"

I glanced up from the laptop at a student named Jay, who was lurking in the doorway of the quiet room I was in.

"Yes?"

He took this as an invitation to step inside.

"My mate Josh wants to talk to you." He told me.

That's when my eyes almost popped out of my skull. Josh? Josh Bennett wants to talk to me?

My heart began pounding out of my chest as I leaped off the chair and cleaned up my things. This is it. This is the moment I've been waiting for – the moment when Josh is going to confess his undying love for me. The beginning of my happily ever after.

I tentatively opened the door. Sure enough, there he stood, looking more handsome than I could have remembered. His dark hair shone in the evening light, and his smile lit up my world.

"Hey." He said, smiling, melting my heart right then and there.

"H-Hi." I hoped he thought my stuttering was cute. "So, what did you, um, want to talk to me about?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I think you're the most beautiful girl in the world. I love you with all my heart. Would you please do me the honour of being my wife?" He asked, with a shy smile.

That's when I threw my arms around him in a passionate embrace.

"I thought you'd never ask!" I exclaimed.

Okay… I might be slightly altering the conversation. Josh did not confess his undying love for me. No, instead, he said something like this.

"So, what did you, um, want to talk to me about?" I asked, batting my eyelashes at him.

Josh smiled. "I just wanted to ask you something." He began. "You're pretty smart, right?"

I shrugged, blushing at the compliment. "I guess." I giggled bashfully.

"I was just wondering… how do you spell HIV?"

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What do you mean?" I asked, utterly baffled. This I had not been expecting. Not in the slightest.

"HIV. How do you spell it?" He repeated, seeming to be genuine.

I knew Josh wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, but I didn't think that he was… well, retarded.

"H-I-V." I said slowly.

"Are you positive?"

"Yes." I told him, finding it hard to believe that my Josh could be so stupid.

A grin spread across his face, and he exploded into laughter. It took me a few seconds to get the joke.

HIV. I was HIV positive.

It really wasn't funny at all. I found myself forcing a pathetic smile as Josh laughed hysterically before me.

"Gotcha!" He exclaimed, still laughing.

"Real funny, Josh." I sighed.

"Well, got to run. See you later, Polly," Josh said, and he turned to leave.

"It's Penny!" I yelled after him, but it didn't even matter anymore. Nothing mattered. Josh, the boy I thought I loved, was just another immature jerk. I didn't love him. Heck, I didn't even have a crush on him. He was a complete idiot. Man, how was I wrong!

Right then and there I made a pact to stay away from guys. Or, at least, stop drooling over every one I see. I'm better than that. I am a strong, independent woman! I don't need a man!

I was about to shut the door when I noticed someone walking by. Not just any someone. No, this was a very special someone. A very hot someone! He saw me, and he smiled and waved. I returned the smile.

"Hey there," He called casually from the sidewalk.

"Hey," I called back, trying to be as casual as he was, although my heart was freaking out.

The stranger smiled again, then continued on his way. I waited until he was out of sight before finally closing the door.

I giggled and squealed, thinking about his smile. And the way his t-shirt hugged his obviously hot body. He was perfect.

There was no doubt about it, I was in love.