If I Was Her

The sun seeped through the open windows. It was unmistakably the type of spring day that's just perfect for love - perfect for two people to be joined together in holy matrimony. No clouds shrouded the happiness of this day … yet I couldn't help but wonder whether this was going to be the biggest mistake of my life.

The sun's rays perfectly illuminated the dress that lay on the bed; its heavily layered tulle skirt was like an abundance of the softest spider webs in a flower garden. One couldn't help but admire the craftsmanship; the layers were like a dozen giant rose petals intricately sewn together. However it was the hand-beaded lace detailing along the bodice that had caught my eye from the start. The dress had called to me as I entered the shop; it was soft and elegant and it reminded me of the day I had gone to pick it up.

"You're going to be the most beautiful bride!" the salesclerk had gushed as she handed me the box with the dress in it.

I had wondered if that was what she said at the end of every sale. I had wondered whether she had meant what she said. I had wondered if she had realised the pained expression on my face as she uttered those words.

"Acacia!" my sister, Lily, burst through the closed door like the first rays of sunshine after the darkest storm. She had pushed me out the door, instructing me to "Get ready!"

Her abrupt appearance jolted me back from the memory. But her presence only brought upon the feeling of regret and heartache. As twins, our looks paralleled, like your mirror image stepping outside into the real world. This was how I had felt as a child, as I mirrored Lily's actions. Though she was seventeen minutes younger, I had always believed that she outshone me in every way. Lily was the spirit of summer, bringing the sun with her everywhere she went, while I was but a mere shadow in her existence. If she were to draw a picture of a flower, I would paint my own. If she were to eat chocolate ice cream, I would devour a whole tub for myself. I had always thought it was best to be like Lily, I had often introduced myself as her on several occasions because everyone had favoured her. I love my sister, but she had always been someone I aspired to be. It was never the other way around. She was not an equal I could merely have fun with.

As we grew, I had become more of an independent woman and overcame my obsessions to be like Lily, though I couldn't help but follow her as she began to fall in love.

And fall in love, I did.

Jared Thornton. His name used to roll off my tongue like smooth, sweet honey; those hazel eyes, embedded with flecks of amber. His soft voice, his manner, his lips – his everything – had made me feel like I could move mountains.

But not anymore.

Now Jared's name tasted of acrid burnt sugar on my lips. Jared's eyes, forgotten jewels of the past, now reminded me of an incomplete, haunting requiem played by a phantom orchestra. And

Jared's voice, uttered from those rosy-red lips, has stopped making the butterflies wreak havoc in my stomach. I was now frozen inside – an eternal winter – and the butterflies were dead.

These thoughts, memories, all rushed through my head as I was made to dress and prepare myself for the end of another chapter of my life. Or was it the beginning of one? That whole day was like one hazy dream. But the worst was yet to come as I physically stood behind the closed doors, waiting for my cue to enter. Mentally, I was already dead, my cheeks already aching from my forced smile.

I walked down the aisle carrying a bouquet of flowers, smiling as the pianist played his tune. I wondered if anyone saw the emptiness in my eyes, or how each footstep felt leaden. I couldn't… I wouldn't… look to the right of me where he stood with delight, waiting for his bride to come. I could only imagine the love that shone on his face, the way his eyes twinkled and how his eyebrows would skyrocket beneath his long fringe whenever he saw the one he loved. That look had always made my stomach knot together and smile shyly back at him. I looked straight ahead, not risking a glimpse. I felt like I was betraying myself, but I couldn't be selfish. Not today.

Today, he would be answering "I do" and I… I would stay silent, watching him with unmistakable sadness. The voice of the priest rang loudly in my ears as I watched the scene play out in front of me. From behind her, I stood, it was surreal.

"And do you, Lily Vanamo, take this man as your lawfully wedded husband?"

I blocked out the answer, wearing the unflattering peach ensemble that the six bridesmaids were made to wear. I bid the tears not to come as I snapped my attention to the scene unfolding before my eyes. The words I would've said if I was her escaped my lips in the form of a whisper.

"I do…"


[A/N]: Hey guys! =] I wrote this rather sad piece for my Level 3 English class and I got Excellence! (Be proud of me as it is the highest mark you can get) Hehehe, I hoped you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please review to tell me your thoughts.