His face. It was…so sad. Like agony itself had consumed him. It was only a moment. Just one moment. But I could see the pain of a thousand deaths flash in his eyes. I could see his heart breaking, shattering into pieces. I could see his soul…the soul that shone so brightly…die. Just…fade. Like a candle reaching the end of its wick. And when his eyes shut…I knew I would never love again. I knew…Hell was probably too good for someone like me. No matter what…there would be nothing I could do. I would never see him smile again. I would never hear his laugh. I would never feel his arms around me, holding me when my life crumbled to bits. He would never be here again. I knew…that I didn't deserve to die. I didn't deserve to love. Live. I just…didn't.
I placed his limp body on the ground, turning my back on it. Rain fell as tears graced my face, slipping down, down, down. I made a promise with myself. I would walk until the end of time. Until my heart, stone cold and already dead, stopped beating. Until my feet bled from scars upon scars upon scars. Until I no longer felt anything, numb to the world. I would walk for the destruction I caused. For the towns I destroyed. The families I ruined. And for him. The one I loved. The one I killed.
I would cry until my tear buds ran dry, then using the only other placid substance within me. I would cry until every last drop of blood left me and I would still walk. There was no place I could go for he was nowhere. The only place I had ever felt…accepted…died with him. The man I murdered. I didn't deserve to see his funeral. To watch all the people that loved him send him away. To watch as they cried because they lost him. To watch as they cried because the man he loved had betrayed him. Had killed him.
They would put him on a pillar, surrounded by soft straw and hay. They would walk up to him and tell him their last goodbyes. And then, when the sun would begin to disappear, they would set him ablaze. They would burn him to ashes. His beautiful eyes. His beautiful hair. Him. The most beautiful person on this Earth.
I made the world even uglier. Because when there was barely anything to live for, to die for…I killed one of the few things that made everything happier. Made everything better. I killed a light that had been bestowed on this Earth to bring joy to people. With my action, I sentenced the world to a lifetime of darkness.
As clouds consumed the sky and hail rained from the heavens, the Earth began to die. Life began to fade. I knew that humans were not the only ones suffering from his demise. The wind wailed a sorrowful lullaby, cooing in our ears. It screamed to me, calling me a murderer, a killer. I was the one to stop time. I was the one to halt the Earth. I was the one to kill the angel that breathed life.
At last, my feet could no longer move; my legs could no longer hold me up. I fell to the Earth, hearing the last word he ever said to me in my ears. Why?And then, like a broken record, I would hear my voice reply. I'msorry.
On my back, watching the sky with eyes blurred by tears I didn't know I still had, I would die. Devoured by feelings of torture and hatred for myself, I died. Feeling the Earth's vines pull around me, looping around my body, and dragging me below. Feeling the bite of fire licking all around me, killing me with pain that wasn't enough to stifle my horrifying guilt. Feeling the anguish of death over and over. I could still say that the only thing I thought were two words. Over and over. Day by day. Minute by minute.