Wasn't that awesome? The tank just, like, landed on Smoochie and Marshmallow and- what? Oh, Ramses's war horses. Their names are Smoochie and Marshmallow. Their names sound like they came straight off of a desert menu from Dairy Queen. Just the thought makes me salivate and hungry. But this is a war there's no time to think of that. One of his lesser wives' daughters named them…yeah…I know what you are thinking. She's five. Yup.
Anyhow, the tank landed on their backs and they started to go berserk and you should have seen Pharaoh's face and- focus Mei, now is not appropriate to laugh at the poor pharaoh's loss (hardy har) I will attempt to use the tips my emotional control counselor and my ADHD counselor gave me but- OH MY GODS, DID YOU SEE HIS FACE? Breathe in…2…3…And out…2…3…
So, Jade won the battle, and her army went back to her palace thingy to celebrate! Partying, Partying, YEAH! Partying, Partying, YEAH! Fun, fun, think about fun looki- FOCUS!
So, after the battle, Jade gave me the ceremonial war necklace she was wearing to me. I guess she felt bad that I had warned her, and she didn't listen to me. Or maybe she was talking about the ever growing problem of chickens outnumbering cows...or maybe it was complaining about the number of orange trees that were planted in a plot intended for strawberries…I can't remember. But anyways, I get to meet with the war council now! I feels important! Oh yes! Who's laughing now?
The empress dismissed me for the rest of the day, so I decided to go visit Ramses. I could almost imagine the sadness he's feeling of losing the battle. He'll be needing my aid….. Better yet maybe I shouldn't go… (Kidding! I'll go).
Ramses and his army were camped in this little village that he took with no problem. No fight, nothing! He just walked in there, and the people there obeyed him with no questions! Must be the war crown! It's amazing the power one little crown could cause. Where can I get one?
I entered his tent, where he was discussing strategies for the next attack with the other generals. I sat and listened politely, well, except for my little outburst…well…Ramses says I shouldn't mention it.
Then one of the generals made the stupidest remark ever. He asked, "Was their leader male or female?" Honestly? Did the tanks cause him to lose his sight too?
She was wearing a freaking dress! Well…I guess I can see your confusion. Men in Egypt wear skirts, but still! Long, black hair, PINK dress, flower print red helmet, PINK spear! (Must be a Weasely! No, I'm kidding.)
"She is female." I said blandly.
"What are you wearing Mei?" Ramses suddenly asked.
"SQUIRRELS! Oh, wait…what? Oh." I exclaimed, stuttering yet keeping my cool.
I looked down. I was wearing my white shift with a silk belt sash thing around my waist. I had on Jade's war necklace, and a flowey sort of sheer fabric thingy that she insists I wear.
Jade tells me "It enhances your lips, Mei."
I seriously don't see how a fabric can make my lips puffier. Whatever….
Jade's war necklace…maybe that's it! I fingered the blue crystal, "It's a necklace." I said.
"I see that!" Ramses snapped. "Where did you get it? I recognize it…"
Suddenly suspicious, Ramses quickly dismissed all the other generals. Oh boy! What did I do this time?
They filed out quickly, as if a fire was chasing them. They looked so funny! You do not want to see some fat- er…overly obtuse generals trying to get out the door at the same time and….yeah. they look like a stampede at a farm.
"Is that the necklace the emperor was wearing?" Ramses asked darkly, once they'd left.
Exasperated, I blew some hair out of my face. "I think we went over this. SHE is the EMPRESS of China."
Ramses stood up, and seized the necklace in his hands. "Where did you get this?" he whispered.
"Jade." I said, "Ooh! There is a fly on your crown Ramses." I laughed.
Ramses swatted the fly away and said, "What is jade?" he asked.
"SHE is a woman, not a rock. Although jade is a type of rock that is a green color and gets darker-" I was cut off by an eye roll from Ramses, "She is an empress." I said.
"Empress of what country?" Ramses asked.
"Ah…Wait. What? You got this from Jade…the Chinese empress whom I am fighting?"
"What does this…necklace mean?" he asked.
"My lord, it is the ceremonial war necklace that she has. I'm not sure why she gave it to me. She was actually explaining it and all, and then she started talking about how chickens are outnumbering cows and-I'll focus now. But I get to meet with her war council and that makes me feel special!" I exclaimed.
"Have you yet?"
"Nope. Not yet."
Ramses grunted and then told me to come back to him when I have.
I left the tent, wondering why.