Day of the Turkey by ff_b

Gladys the domestic engineer ("housewife" is so demeaning, don't 'ya think?) hounded her hubbie, Donald, to go check on the turkey.

"Yeah, yeah!," acquiesced Donald, "I'll go check on the turkey!" He hated being called out of his Stratolounger. Reaching the oven, the disgruntled male opened the door and lifted up the lid of the baking pan, beholding a turkey clad in a small but complete cooling suit that had protected him from the 400-degree plus temperatures.

"You lookin' at something?- You lookin' at me, Pinky?," the turkey demanded to know. While Donald gawked, the turkey grabbed a nearby meat fork, and jabbed it deeply into the man's eye. He reeled and collapsed to the kitchen floor.

"Well, that one's done!," declared the turkey as he flung himself from the oven, cast off his cooling suit (a gift from Q-branch), and proceded to arm himself with kitchen knives, including the formidable Ginzu. He advanced to the living room, where he was confronted by Gladys. The turkey flung several knives at the woman with incredible precision, pinning her to the wall like a transfixed insect.

"Gotta stick a pin in you,'cause you're done, too!," announced the turkey as he headed out the door. He hitched a ride to the local Giant supermarket to investigate mass poultry exterminations. The automatic doors parted with a hiss as the turkey beheld the food emporium.

"So this is the Giant supermarket?," he asked himself. "Well, there ain't no giants here! That's false advertising!" The turkey's gorge was rising. It rose further when he trotted back to the meat department of the supermarket, where he beheld countless turkeys and turkey parts, all unnaturally derained of blood and antiseptically swaddled in styrofoam and plastic.

"Oh, villainy!," cried the turkey. "What butcher has engineered this holocaust?"

"Yeah?," asked the meat manager. "'Ya want somethin'?"

"Monster!," declared the turkey. "Defend thyself!"

"You got it!," agreed the manager, picking up a meat cleaver and advancing on the turkey.

The meat manager swung the cleaver at the turkey, who dodged the blade and caught the manager with a spinning roundhouse kick, propelling the man across the meat preparation area and onto a large meat hook, where he was impaled and expired twitching. The turkey then dismembered the meat department manager with a power saw and packaged his torso and separate body parts on styrofoam trays, each neatly covered with plastic wrap.

"Don't you get it?," asked the turkey of the incredulous group of customers that had gathered. "It's no different! Meat is murder!

Having enacted his revenge, the turkey prepared to exit the supermarket, determined not to rest until he had brought to justice Frank Perdue, that great butcher of poultry. As he approached the automatically-operating doors an old lady asked him, "Just who are you?"

"I'm the proud bird with the golden tail," stated the turkey matter-of-factly as he strutted into the street to avenge the deaths of many...