I hate him. I love him.
I loath everything he has, I envy how he is. But that's what makes me love him.
He is honest. I am not. He accepts everyone. I do not.
It was a cold winter day when he passed me waiting for a the bus to take me to work. He stopped and smiled. "No classes today?"
"In the afternoon," I replied.
We were friends, or so he said. I tried to keep my distance. Any unnecessary feelings were just burdens to me. I didn't need them, didn't want them.
He sighed. "Why are you so cold, Ann? I try so hard to be a good friend to you, yet you just push me away with your cold words and demeanor. Am I doing something wrong? Or is that how you show your affection?"
"Hardly," I scoffed. "It's just you."
"Ann, my dear, sweet Ann. What's wrong with me?" He placed his arm around my shoulder and extended out his left arm. "In this whole world, all I want to do is just be friends with you. You're so interesting and so different that it draws me to you, you see. Don't you think we could be the best of friends, you and me?"
"No. We aren't friends and most certainly can't be 'the best of friends' because I have a very deep hate for you." I inhaled and breathed into my long scarf that was wrapped around my neck. "So please stop touching me."
"Ann," he whined, wrapping his arms around me, "why can't we be friends? I like you so much! It'd be a shame to let this potential friendship go to waist."
I jabbed him in the side as hard as I could, he coughed but didn't let go. "The only thing that you find a waist is not getting a girl in bed," I barked. "I will not be friends, nor have any relations to such a lewd person."
The bus rounded the corner only a couple of yards away.
"Look," I sighed, "the bus is here, so please let go of me so I'm not late to work." I didn't have time to be dealing with him right now, and I could care less what he thinks. No, I didn't have to care because everyone knew that the only thing he cared about was sex. I'm an independent woman, I don't have time for such stupid things.
"And if I said no?"
"I'll hurt you."
He blinked, then proceeded to laugh. "Ah, Ann, I knew you were interesting. I'll see you around." He let go of me and smiled before turning around and walking away just as the bus stopped in front of me.
"Yeah right." I breathed a sigh of relief and walked onto the bus, trying to forget the whole thing had ever happened.
Evan. I met him in my first year of collage. He was in my best friend's cooking class, or should I say former best friend. Either way, one day out of the blue and approached me asking if we could be friends. I said no, as usual. In his mind, however, that was a yes. He never left me alone and still a whole year latter still thinks that we're friends.
The man's quite famous for as a player. He has one night stands with woman who will pay and is often selling himself as a rental boyfriend for the right amount of cash. "Everyone has to make a living somehow. I just do it with my looks," he says. How he ever got interested in me, I'll never know, nor would want to.
What's the main cause of all the turmoil in my life? Evan. Who do I hate the most in the world? Evan. Who made me fail the first semester of my art class because someone stalked me? Evan. What's the annoying little thing that won't leave me alone that knows more about me than I do? Evan. Basically, he's the cause of all my problems and everything bad that happens to me is because of him.
I stopped in the middle of the door as I walked out of my work place—a giant insurance company that I work as a part-time secretary for. I looked up and to the end of the sidewalk. Who could it be? Why it was none other than the infamous Mr Stalker Evan. "What?" I grumbled, not happy to see him right as I got off work.
"Want me to walk you home?"
"I'm not gonna lie, it's scary that you know where my home is when I've never shown you or even talked about it to you. This just proves that you really are a stalker."
His smile vanished and was replaced with a more serious atmosphere. "I admit I did stalk you for awhile, but you wouldn't talk to me. It's really your own fault, Ann, you left me with no other choice."
"I don't care if you stalk me, there's nothing to find out anyways."
"Then let's go, Ms. Boring to her core."
His phone rang from inside his coat pocket.
"Looks like your girlfriend's calling you ."
He looked down, then back up at me. He pulled out his hand from inside his pocket with his cellphone, then turned around and threw it in the middle of the street. A car went by in the next few seconds and smashed it into little tiny pieces. "Calling who? I don't have a phone." He smirked at me. "Shall we?"
I don't know what goes through his mind sometimes and I don't want to know. If my mother taught me one thing all the years I lived with her, it was not to question the mind of another, so I just began to walk home. "Do I have a choice?"
Evan smiled. "Nope, I'm going to walk you home even if I have to stalk you."
I looked over at him. "You're pretty weird, you know that."
"You're the weird one, Ann."
I had a policy not to call him by his name, and if I really had to address him, I would use his last name. I guess it all started a few months after we met.
I had already realized the fact that I was hopelessly attracted to him, though by nature I'm naturally cold and can't show affection, so it didn't bother me one bit. I could live my life how I wanted to and not be bothered by pitiful and stupid romances.
He would call my name sweetly and treat me kindly, even though with the way I treated him like some kind of trash on the street, any person would have more than enough rights to hate me. I felt guilty about it, so I decided not to call his name out until I could be nicer to him. So, in my calculations, that would be never.
Evan grabbed my hand as I tried to round the corner to get to the stairs that led to my apartment building. "I'm tired and hungry, so just let go of me." I didn't have enough energy to pull my arm off his grip, which was even that hard, in fact, he was barely touching me.
Not enough energy to even talk back. "Please just let go." My eyes were beginning to get heavier and heavier, and I was finding it almost too hard to even stay awake anymore. "At least let me pass out in the comfort of my own room as a gift from a friend," I mumbled, my last attempt to get free before I really did pass out.
He smirked. "Then say 'I'll miss you so much, my best friend Evan."
"Then pass out in the snow for all I care."
We both glared at each other, both of us not wanting to give up to the other.
"Fine!" I screamed, yanking my arm back with the small shot of adrenaline I got from my anger. "I'll miss you so much, my best friend Evan!" I screamed as I pounded up the stairs in a fit of rage.
He smirked as he turned around. I could see the air of victory all around him, that bastard.
It was only as I was unlocking the door to my apartment room, when the man was long gone, that I realized that I didn't even have to say that as I was already free. He'd probably already known I would do that long before he said anything, that sly, utter bastard.
The long commute the collage I was attending was a drag, especially when the buses go out of service and you have to walk home. I hated it more than I hated Evan. Of course being the nice guy he was, he, oh so kindly, offered me a ride home that day. I could hear the girls complaining that wanted to go home with him.
"I don't do sluts, so shut the fuck up and deal with it, ladies." He gave them the finger as he drove out. They weren't happy with that.
"Why be like that?" I asked as we were stopping at a red light.
"You know. You're just so honest that it's so stupid. I thought that 'the customers were the key to any business?'"
"Well, mine are just a little hard to please. Besides, they'll be crawling back for more. Sluts will be sluts," he laughed, cozying himself back into his seat. "Why, do you have a problem with it, Ann? Oh, but I'd never do that to you no matter what you do to me because I like you so much, okay?"
That was unexpected, but I guess it was expected. Him being nice to me was natural, wasn't it? "Whatever. I don't really care what you think about me or act towards me anymore. Just do whatever you feel like."
"I hope you don't come to regret those words latter, my sweet Ann."
I didn't say anything, but I really didn't get it at that time.
"We're here." He let the car come to a stop in front of my apartment and turned the radio off.
After listening to an hour of boring classical music and having him give my every single composers' life story, I was rather glad I was home. "Thanks."
"Hey, Ann?" He leaned back against his seat and closed his eyes. "Do this with me, okay?"
"What? Why in the world would I—"
"Just do it." He opened one eye, and even with only one eye, I found that I could refuse. For once, he scared me.
Mumbling to myself I pushed myself into the seat and closed my eyes. This was the last thing I wanted to do. I had lots of work that needed to be done.
Then something soft pressed against my lips.
I snapped my eyes open to find Evan's face in mine, his eyes staring harshly at mine. I shivered. Then I tried to struggle and break free, but he was already had my seat pushed back and was on top of me.
He was strong. Too strong really. I couldn't move at all.
He took his lips off of mine finally.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, ass whole?" I screamed.
"I'm doing 'whatever I feel like,' Ann, just as you said. I felt like kissing you, so I'm kissing you. I've held back long enough, and I'm really done waiting, so just hurry up and say you like me."
"Like hell." Pisses me off. It really pisses me off. His fucking attitude towards the whole fucking world as if he's some kind of king or something!
"Then I don't think I'm going to let Ann go home today, okay?"
I froze. "W-wait a—y-you said that you wouldn't treat me—"
"Yeah, I don't. I sell my skills, not my heart, Ann. It's always belonged to you."
My face was bright red by now and tears had accumulated in my eyes. It wasn't fair how he could just say whatever he felt like. He was so honest with himself that it scared me. I was always the one that was too shy to say something. I always lost what's important to me. I did whatever anyone told me.
I blocked my heart to the world and acted like I didn't care.
But he was different. He held onto whatever's important to him. He kept holding on.
I broke down.
Tears came pouring out of my face like a waterfall. I cried for everything in my life. Everything I've lost. Everything I've loved. Everything I've gained. And I cried for him, for the stubborn boy that stayed by my side and let me love him.
"Ann," he laughed, stroking my head, "I really didn't think you'd cry so much. It really shocked me."
I sat on his lap, still crying, clutching to his shirt. I didn't think I'd cry either. I was holding so much in that I hadn't realized, and with only one one sentence, it all came pouring out. "Shut up," I mumbled.
He laughed again. "Ann, you're so cute. I really love that part about you."
"Too bad, but it seems like I hate you, bastard."
I love him.
But I hate him.
That's the way I love, so if you have a problem with it, that's not my problem.