I am just an average person that life I guess likes to kick in the ass more often than not. Right from the beginning I think some karma shit had it out for me. So I guess I will just write down a few things that I remember growing up that were hilarious to me and share them with whoever gives a shit!

So I am the oldest of three girls. I wasn't so keen on being a big sister when I got the first little sister. She was a pain in my ass and took all my attention away from my parents. So one day I got home from school and my mom was in our kitchen in our tiny ghetto ass apartment and she says, "Hey Mandi guess what?" I'm thinking OMG she got us a puppy… "What?" I say. "You're gonna have another little sister!" If you can imagine my face, my eyes were wide and my jaw was hitting my toes… And then I start crying. "NOOOOO!"

I used to stay the weekend at my friend's house and her parents would take us swimming. My mom always told me no running around the pool. My friends dad was a big BIG guy and I saw him running and then just like slow motion, he slipped and I heard a "ooooooowah nuhoooooooooooh" as he fell in the pool, displacing 90% of it all over everyone else…. Epic.

During the summer, we would adventure up to Montana to see our grandma and grandpa. My grandma loved her garden outside the front of their little house on Main Street. We were out there handing her clumps of dirt to put around her flowers when she stands up hella fast for a grandma and yells "There's a damn daddy long legs in my shirt!" And then she rips her shirt open in her yard ON MAIN STREET to get that sucker outta there. I mean the sound of those buttons unsnapping was to die for, brrlppppp!

My boyfriend and I had stayed up all night and then we both had job interviews the next morning, so we go do those and come back home so we can just go to bed. I see a spider above the window by our bed. My boyfriend decides he will be chivalrous and slay the beast. So he got a shoe and what looked like pirouetting to get the spider, misses, and we lose the spider… So no sleeping for us because I will be damned that that fucker if gonna eat my face while I'm sleeping. So he decides to go take a shower to relax and I have an evil idea lol. I wait til he starts singing in Spanish in the shower and I sneak in and yank the curtain down and point to the bottom of the tub and scream "OMG ANGEL the SPIDER ITS RIGHT THERE!" obviously there was no spider but he started screaming "AH PUÑETA!" and falls in the shower and seriously forgot English for a good ten minutes…. :D