"Who is 'Her'?" Zeke asked. He and Byron had been walking down the stairs for a few minutes.
"How many females lived in this house?" Byron asked, rhetorically.
"Alex, and Skye." Zeke said, remembering the room labels.
"Does this Skye seem like the person who would keep secrets?" Byron asked. "After what we've seen in her room?"
"I guess not." Zeke said. "So it's Alex's?"
"Obviously." Byron stated.
"So what do you think is down here?" Zeke asked.
"Why not stop asking questions and just focus on getting there?" Byron growled.
"Sorry..." Zeke whimpered.
"You ask too many questions." Byron said. "Learn to hold your tongue or I'll remove it."
Zeke clamped his hands over his mouth, not wanting to lose his tongue.
The duo came to a large metal door. Byron ran his hand up the door. Suddenly, a demonic voice rang out. "What, is the greatest illusion?"
Byron remained silent but Zeke removed his hands from his mouth. "At ease, brother."
Byron spun to face Zeke, he turned back at the sound of a door sliding open. "Welcome home."
Zeke gave Byron a smug smirk as he walked through the doorway. The avian barely had time to pull Zeke back as the doorway was replaced by a wall of arrows. "Nothing is ever easy." He sighed once the arrows had passed. "Let's go."
On the other side of the door was small room with white walls, a door at the opposite end and a desk against a wall with an open book upon it. Zeke was about to head straight for the door but Byron put a hand on his shoulder. The cat looked back to see his mentor with his eyes closed. Byron opened his eyes but his irises were completely devoid of colour and his pupils were more grey than black. He glanced around at the room with the vision of his ancestors. However, he could see more than he normally could; this time, there were spirits dashing past. He could see the door opening and a figure dashing through to avoid the arrows, then the arrows came and a second figure ran through once the arrows were gone. Despite a complete lack of any detail, Byron felt deeply concerned for the first figure. He was about to close his eyes when he saw another figure, several months later, placing the book on the desk.
"What did you see?" Zeke asked once Byron closed his eyes, he knew not to interrupt the eagle's visions.
Byron decided not to tell Zeke about the concern he felt for the spirit. "The book was left here for us to find." He stated.
"Let's read it then." Zeke hopped over to the book and started reading, from the open page.
I really don't think I need to do this... But Alex and that goody-two-shoes think it'd be best to keep a journal for all my misadventures. I wouldn't call them that... I'd say extended inconveniences.
"What is this?" Byron asked. Zeke flipped back a few pages to the first page.
"Razor's journal, the first few pages are just random doodles." Zeke said before he continued reading.
Yeah, so, anyway, I decided to start from the start, not from the very start though, I can't remember back that far, but from the start of my extended inconveniences, beginning with how I met Zero and Slash.
A crimson hedgehog in his mid-teens was sitting on a park bench. The ground was covered in snow as far as the eye could see. The hedgehog was wearing a black hoodie and blue jeans, he was also wearing black gloves to protect his hands from the cold. He had been kicked out of the house for a few hours by his older sister and now he was sitting in the park, passing the time by almost inaudibly singing songs in English, Spanish and Italian. He heard a loud slapping noise and turned to face the source of the noise.
"Shit that hurt! Did you really need to take off the glove?" A black hedgehog with yellow streaks in his quills groaned, holding his face.
"Yes." A vixen replied as she put a glove back on her hand and stormed off. The red hedgehog jumped over the park bench and ran to check on his fellow hedgehog, who was bending over in pain.
"You okay?" He asked. The black hedgehog was wearing a dark denim jacket over a white T-shirt and a pair of black jeans.
"Fucking fine." The ebony hedgehog replied, he looked up. "Do I have something on my face?"
The red hedgehog almost laughed at the slap mark. "No-one will notice." He lied.
"Stings like a bitch..."
"I think she turned her ring so the diamond would hit your face." The red hedgehog said. "You know she's married right?"
"I do now..."
"She's at least ten years older than you."
"Shut up!" The black hedgehog growled. "Who do you think you are?"
"I'm Razor." Razor said with a chuckle. "You?"
The black hedgehog stood up straight, he was slightly shorter than Razor. "Slash."
"What kind of name is Slash?" Razor asked.
"What kind of name is Razor?" Slash retorted.
"That's none of your business." Razor growled.
"And vice versa." Slash shrugged.
"So what were you trying to do?" Razor asked, glancing at the fine piece of tail disappearing down the street.
"Isn't it obvious?" Slash asked. "I was trying to get laid."
"At fifteen?" Razor asked.
"Almost sixteen." Slash said, as if it made everything better.
"Look, I'm a virgin myself, but if you want some tips, I'm willing to help, for a price." Razor said. He did actually know a few tricks but he was, for the most part, bluffing.
"I think I'll pass." Slash said, starting to walk away.
Razor folded his arms as he prepared his next statement carefully. "Si cupis cognoscere, aude mihi."
"And what language is that?" Slash asked, pausing.
Latin, Razor thought. "One that women find attractive."
"What, Spanish, French?" Slash asked, really wanting to know, to prove that Razor wasn't a lying scum-bag.
"Who cares? I only learned it to pick up chicks, and it works." Razor shrugged, lying again.
"Then how come you haven't gotten laid?"
"Saving myself for marriage." Razor truly couldn't care less about marriage. "This language is how I got my girlfriend." He did not have a girlfriend.
"Alright fine, teach me." Slash said.
Razor held out his hand for payment.
"I don't have any money..." Slash sighed.
"Get a job, chicks don't like scrubs." Razor said.
"Scrubs?" Slash asked, now thinking that Razor was making words up as well as languages.
"Guys with no car, no money and no house of their own." Razor sighed. "Point two, listen to music. Honestly, it's embarrassing."
"So if I do all this then I'll get laid?" Slash asked.
"No doubt." Razor lied.
"Why should I believe you?" Slash asked.
Razor sighed. He glanced around before seeing someone who could really help in this situation. "Oh Heather~" He called. The squirrel glanced at him before she ran over and jumped into his arms to start making out with him.
"Alright you win." Slash sighed.
"Thanks babe." Razor said, putting Heather back on the ground.
"You so owe me." She whispered.
"Don't worry about it." Razor whispered back.
"Bye Razor." Heather said seductively before strutting away.
"Nice catch." Slash commented as he watched Heather swing her hips to each side. Razor smacked his nose.
"Dude, don't." He warned, he didn't actually care but he had to keep up the illusion.
"So if I find a way to pay you, you will teach me how to hold girls in the palm of my hand?"
"As long as you don't keep other things in the palm of your hand..."
"Shut up." Slash pushed Razor.
"Don't touch me!" Razor jokingly freaked out.
"We're gonna be friends." Slash laughed.
"Doubt it." Razor mumbled.
"What was that?"
"Well he's a nice guy." Zeke commented.
"We're not finished yet." Byron said.
"Is there going to be anything useful here?" Zeke asked.
"That remains to be seen." Byron replied. "In any case, we should continue reading, this book wouldn't have been left here if it weren't important."
"But it's all Razor being an ass-hole to Slash." Zeke said.
"He wrote that he would write of how he met Zero." Byron said.
"Do we really have to read this part though?" Zeke asked.
"All information, good or bad, is information." Byron stated.
"Okay..." Zeke sighed before he continued reading.
"Bonjour. Je suis un coq raciste. J'ai l'herpès. Avoir des relations sexuelles avec moi." Razor instructed. It translated to; Hello. I am a racist cock. I have herpes. Have sex with me.
"Did you say herpes?" Slash asked.
"No I did not." Razor said. "It's a foreign language. They always have funny words. The word for 'I do' sounds like 'Fuck you'."
"Alright. So I walk up to this Kayla chick and say 'Bonjour. Je suis un coq raciste. J'ai l'herpès. Avoir des relations sexuelles avec moi'?" Slash asked.
"Sounds about right." Razor said.
"And she'll be all over me in seconds?" Slash asked.
"Exactly." Razor said.
"And just how easy is this girl?" Slash asked.
"Let's just say that she's a feminist who went to a catholic school." Razor said.
"Sweet." Slash rubbed his hands and licked his lips. "Wish me luck."
"Break a leg." Razor smiled.
"That's not good luck." Slash blinked.
"It's actually bad luck to wish someone good luck." Razor explained.
"Is that true?" Slash asked.
"Yeah, it's been proven." Razor said.
"Huh, thanks anyway." Slash walked over to the vixen who was sitting in the park, all snug in her winter clothes, reading a book about poetry. Razor didn't hear what was said next, but he did hear the slap that followed it. Then Slash heard the hysterical laughter. "You're dead, Red!" Slash yelled. Razor continued to laugh as he ran away. "I'm so gonna die!" He laughed. Up ahead, the Croce household came into view. "I'm going to survive!" Razor cheered. Then he saw his elder sister standing at the front door. The seventeen year old, lavender hedgehog had a look of sour disapproval. Upon her body was a white jacket to protect her from the cold and a pair of black cargo pants. Due to the tightness of her grip, the jacket clung to her body like a wet shirt. "I'm going to die again!" Razor cried as he saw his sister's face. He prayed for the best and dove to his sister's feet. "Please help me Alex, this psycho is trying to kill me." he begged.
"I know what you did." Alex glared at him. "What did you think I had been working on for the past few weeks?"
"Bats?" Razor asked.
"I say echolocation and instantly you think I'm making bats..." Alex sighed. "You're an idiot."
"Exactly, I can't protect myself, so please protect me." Razor said.
"I'll kill you!" Slash yelled as he reached the property.
"Eep!" Razor hid behind Alex.
"There you-" Slash noticed Alex. "Well hello there."
Alex walked up to Slash. "You've made my brother cower in fear, there's something about that's so... sexy."
"Eh?" Razor went bug-eyed.
"If you want, I could bruise him up a little bit." Slash offered.
"No, that's fine." Alex started to get in close to Slash's face.
"What the hell is going on?" Razor whined.
"What's your name, sexy?" Alex asked.
"Well Slash..." Their lips were mere inches apart. "Come near my house again and I will remove your nipples." She shoved him back, sending him flying into the snow on the ground. Alex turned around and walked back inside, but she did pause by Razor to say, "You've got another twenty-four hours before you're allowed back in." The door was then slammed shut, followed by the distinct click of the lock.
"I have no idea what just happened." Slash said from his spot in the snow.
"You and me both." Razor sighed.
A whistle was heard and both hedgehogs turned to see a green echidna. He wore blue jeans and a black leather jacket over a red T-shirt. "That was probably the most entertaining thing I've seen all day."
"Shut up!" Both hedgehogs yelled.
The echidna simply laughed. "Who the hell do you think you are anyway?" Slash asked, still not bothering to get up.
"I'm Zero. And you are?"
"I'm Slash, and this is an asshole."
"So what do you want?" Slash asked.
"Five hundred bucks says you'll never get with that chick." Zero dared.
"Sucker's bet." Slash smirked, getting up. "Deal."
"That's my sister!" Razor exclaimed at Zero. "Five hundred bucks says you will."
"And why do you say that?" Zero asked.
"Because you're smart enough to be able to take advantage of a sucker and to stay out of her way." Razor explained.
"That makes me smart?" Zero asked.
"Not really, Alex is scary and Slash is a real sucker."
"If you don't stop calling me a sucker-"
"What? You'll hit on my sister again?" Razor interrupted.
"Don't tempt me." Slash warned.
"So is it a deal?" Razor asked.
"Sure." Zero said.
"Good," Razor smiled. "Now who wants some flavoured, crushed ice?"
"Seriously? We're on the coldest island on the planet, and you're asking if we want to eat ice?" Zero asked.
"Pretty much." Razor shrugged.
Zero sighed. "I do."
"Same." Slash added.
"Then let's get going." Razor said.
"Oh yes, this is definitely going to come in handy in the war." Zeke said sarcastically.
"I already told you to hold your tongue." Byron growled.