there's something about trusting someone that is terrifying
to the one little girl in the corner of the playground,
too afraid to have any friends
because maybe, she'll trust them and that is so scary for her
that she just hides away
and doesn't talk to the other little girls.
today, she is crying,
but that's nothing new because she cries
every night, and again at recess when she can't run around and play
because she is hurting too much
in too many ways.
at home today, the little girl will play with her dolls some,
but her dolls always fight, because they are adults
and that's what adults do
in the girl's world.
and when the monster comes home and starts fighting with her daddy
the little girl will carefully put the dolls away
and crawl into her closet
and try her hardest to shut the door tight.
and in the closet she will listen to her older brother's stolen ipod
with her older brother's stolen headphones
because her older brother got smart
and ran away three months ago
but her daddy says he's in jail now
and the monster says that's why good little girls should never, ever run away.
and she can never tell anyone
because the monster says that if she does,
the monster will leave the little girl on the street
to go to jail like her older brother.
and then, because the little girl would be in jail and not at home like a good girl
the monster will visit the girl's little sister.
and the girl knows that her sister still believes in santa
and that all adults are nice
and the little girl cannot let her sister's world be shattered like hers.
at night, the monster will visit the little girl, but only
after her daddy passes out from the booze
and before the little girl falls asleep.
and the monster will crawl into the little girl's bed
and the monster will tell that little girl how much the monster loves her.
and after that,
the little girl will try her best to disappear
until the monster leaves again.
and then little girl is left alone again
to try to sleep in the dark,
the scary dark that is always better than the light
because the monster always leaves the light on.
and the dark means that the monster has left.
maybe, someday, this little girl with have friends
that she can trust.
and maybe someday, the girl will be happy,
and will be able to hug her boyfriend
and let him touch her
and maybe, the lights won't give her nightmares,
and maybe, she will be happy.
but for now, that little girl just sits in the corner of the playground,
because she is a good little girl,
and good little girls
don't fight back.