It was raining. I could hear the thunder clapping behind my ears and the lightning sparkling in front of my eyes. I walked slowly towards the kitchen cabinet and grabbed a glass.
It was cold. As was the weather.
I poured myself a really cold glass of water and had a sip. Then I let my eyes stare out the window.
She was behind me. I couldn't see her—but I could feel her presence. I knew she was there, but I was gonna wait for her to talk first.
Hmm. Funny I mentioned that. When was the last time she and I actually talked?
I can't seem to recall. I can't seem to want to, either. I guess I keep telling myself that I'm fine this way, the way we are—not talking, not communicating, not even looking at each other.
-"What're you doing up at this hour?"
I turned around and looked at her, pretending to be surprised she was there. I still don't know why I did that. What an idiot, seriously. "Gloria. I'm just getting a cup of water."
-"It's 2:30 in the morning."
-"I got thirsty."
Then she stopped and looked around. She took a deep breath. Then she stared right at me.
I looked at her back.
Gosh, I remember when I first fell in love with you.
How amazing it felt. To be in-love for the first time ever. It was new and amazing and awesome. Yet it was also agonizing and painful and annoying. I couldn't sleep. She was on my freakin' mind all the freakin' time. I would want to talk to her every second, to see her every minute, to kiss her for now and forever.
And then it's amazing how she ended up being my wife just three years later.
Wow. How life just passed us by like that. One minute, we were still in college waiting to graduate. Next thing we know, we have two kids—including a teenage son.
I still love you. I know that. That's good news, right?
I don't think so anymore.
Because I'm hurt. It hurts to look at her now. To know what she did. And who she did it with. And all that behind my back.
-"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked.
-"I don't know, Cliff," she replied with a soft breath. God, I love your voice.
-"Gloria, you're not even blinking. I don't think that's normal. Go back to bed."
Then she paused again. Sighed again. And with tiny hints of tears, I heard her speak to me in that hushed voice again, afraid that Cooper or Elizabeth might wake up.
-"You can't let it go, can you? You can't forgive me."
For the first time in weeks, I actually stared her right back in the eye.
-"You're never gonna let it go, are you, Cliff?"
I sighed. "I don't know, Gloria. I-I don't know what to think anymore, I don't know what to say... I just—I just don't know, alright?"
-"Seriously? That's all you have to say? After all this time?"
-"OK, what do you want me to say, huh? Do you want me to say that I forgive you? That we can move past this? That everything's all-right now? Is that what you want me to say?"
-"I want you to mean it."
-"Well, I don't!"
-"You slept with my best friend and you still have the courtesy to look me in the eye and ask for forgiveness, you treacherous bitch? You should be glad I don't have you living on the streets right now."
She kept staring at me, after I said that. I know what she's thinking. I know exactly what she wants to say.
You know why I slept with John. You know why I did it.
And I do. I do know why. But is it enough for me to forgive her?
I don't think so. At least not yet.
Hey, I know this was very short but it's something that just came up to my head all of a sudden and those of you who have read my other story (It's Getting Harder to Breath) can easily tell how my style still hasn't changed LOL... Anyway, tell me what you think... More to come soon :)