AN: I wanted to try something different and here it is. Enjoy :)
P.S. I suggest you read this with music – the sadder the better.
I was drinking the soda Haley gave me when I got the phone call. The phone call that changed my life completely. It is really funny how your life can change in only seconds. One moment, you are happy, drinking soda in your best friend's birthday party, laughing. The next, none of these matter anymore. There is only one think you can think about.
"Hello?" I answered my phone without looking at the caller ID.
"Leslie..." I heard my father say. His voice was hoarse, like he was crying.
"Dad..dad, please tell me s-she didn't-" I knew what was wrong. I knew she was gone. I just didn't want to believe it.
"Leslie, we...we lost her." And then the world stopped, like everything was on slow motion. I could still hear my father's sobs when I dropped the phone on the ground. I tried not to cry. I really did. "That's what she would've wanted," I told to myself, "Don't cry."
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop myself. At one point I just let all the tears fall down my cheeks leaving wet trails behind them. I fell on the ground, sobbing. I needed to go home.
I pulled myself together- at least I tried to. I looked around to find Haley but she was nowhere to be seen. Then I saw Jake looking at me. He pushed past the crowd and made his way towards me.
"Leslie...Leslie, look at me, what's wrong?" I wanted to tell him but I had a lump in my throat, I couldn't speak. I couldn't breath.
"My..my mom...s-she..." I started crying again. Jake pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head.
"Let's get you home." Without saying more, he picked up my phone which was still on the ground and led me to his car. We were silent on the way to my house except my sobs and heavy breathing.
"I'll be in the car if you ever need me, ok?" I nodded and walked towards my house. That moment I knew nothing would ever be the same.
The night my mother died. The night she left me all alone.
I was sitting on my bed, crying silently. You would think you'll ran out of tears but no. My tears wouldn't stop.
I was holding a picture of us, smiling.
"Mom.. mom, I need you. You can't leave me! You said you would never leave me!" I was practically shouting the last part between my sobs. I broke down, crying. I was still whispering her name quietly.
I wanted to believe it was a joke. A big cruel joke. That night, I secretly waited for my mother to come and hug me like she always did. I waited her to tell me everything would be alright and she would never leave my side. I wanted to hear her voice one more time.
Oh God, her voice. She used to sing songs that I hated just to annoy me. I hated it when she did that. Now, I just wanted her to sing for me just one more time.
Later that night, I fell asleep while I was staring at her picture to memorize her face. So that I would never ever forget her.
Two days later...
I let the water drop on my bed covers. I was standing next to my bed, only with my towel, my hair dripping wet. I didn't bother with clothes, I just got under the covers and hugged the blanket close. I closed my eyes in order to prevent the tears from falling. It didn't work...
I woke with the beeping sound my phone was making. I quickly reached my phone and checked the time. It was almost dinner time. I sighed as I read the text Haley sent me.
"Hey Leslie, how are you? Call me if you want to hang out. See ya."
I turned my phone off, that was the 6th text she sent me in two days. To be honest, I was getting a little bit annoyed. Don't get me wrong, I loved Haley but she just didn't understand. She thought acting like nothing was wrong would help me get over the situation. However, I knew it wouldn't. I felt empty, like there was nothing in this world that could make me smile anymore.
After that night, Jake and I never actually talked. But he was there for me. Later, I had learned that he never left my house that night. I never thanked him verbally but he knew. Just like I knew he understood me.
It was almost like we had a silent agreement. He had covered for me when I skipped school because I was crying my eyes out because of a quote in English class reminded me of my mom. After school he had given me my homework, bought me coffee and helped me pull myself together. It was almost like we were friends but we never talked. We just sat together, in complete silence.
Before my mom died, Jake and I were only neighbors, nothing more. Now, I wasn't sure what we were but I was definitely not complaining.
Two weeks had passed since my mother's death. Jake's parents had invited us to diner. My dad had accepted the offer saying that it would be a nice change.
However, it wasn't a change. We used to dine together a ll the time when my mom was still here. Needless to say, I wasn't keen on going. I didn't want to move on like nothing had happened and no one was missing.
I couldn't quite understand how the world was still moving, when my mom-the person I loved the most- wasn't here.
Sadly, I had no choice. My dad had practically begged me to go and have dinner with Jake's family. I could see the pain in my father's eyes, so I agreed.
We were sitting at the dinning table, eating the food Jake's mother cooked for us. The adults were attempting to make small talk but I wasn't listening. All I could think was how things were so different without my mom.
I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. I lifted my head up to ask if I could be excused but I couldn't talk. Jake met my gaze and stood up abruptly. He took my hand and pulled me out of my chair without making any explanations. We climbed the stairs which ed to his bedroom hand in hand.
"Don't worry, you'll see." He cut me off. After that I didn't talk again and decided to trust him.
He opened his bedroom door but didn't stop walking. He pulled me along with him until we were across the room, standing in front of a glass door. He opened the door in silence and led me to his balcony.
The balcony was really nice. There was a bench in the middle and when you sat down, the view was incredible.
After a couple of minutes, he came back with a cup of hot chocolate and a blanket. We sat on the bench and he covered both of us with the blanket. He handed me the hot chocolate and he was silent for a few minutes.
"I always do this when I'm upset. I first did this when I broke up with my first girlfriend." He stopped talking to look at me. He offered me a small smile which I responded with a faint smile. He seemed to notice that so he continued. " I know it's not the same thing but... I hope you are not mad." He looked at me hopefully. His face dropped when I put my hot chocolate on the floor and stood up. But his unhappiness didn't last long.
"Thank you." I whispered the words so quietly that he could barely hear me. Then I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him. He hesitated at first and when I was just about to step back he pulled me closer. I buried my face to his neck, realizing how good he smelled. I gave him one last squeeze before pulling away.
I think that was when I realized I was falling in love with him.
The next morning I woke up feeling slightly happy. When I recalled last night's events, I felt even happier. I went downstairs without changing out of my tank top and pajama shorts. I found a note on the kitchen counter saying that my dad was out chopping. I was about to eat my cereal when the doorbell rang. Assuming it was my dad, I ran to the door.
"Hey Leslie." Jake was standing in the door way, his eyes scanning my outfit and he looked a little flustered. I blushed. "Um, my mom sent you these." He said giving me a plate full of carrot cake. I took the plate from his hands and motioned him to come in. He followed me as I made my way to the kitchen and placed the plate on the counter.
Jake seemed uncomfortable with the silence-which was unlike him- so he attempted to make small talk.
"I hope you like carrot cake." He said smiling. I saw his face fall when tears started filling my eyes.
"I-I hate carrot cake." I said trying to brush away my tears with my hands.
"Oh god, Leslie, don't cry. Y-you don't have to eat it if-" He looked so panicked. And here I was crying because of a carrot cake. I stopped crying when I saw his expression. Then I started laughing like crazy. Now, he would think I was mad but his panicked expression was so damn funny.
"No, no, it's not that." I had stopped both laughing and crying by the time I started talking. "My mom used to make these a lot. When she learned she had cancer, cooking was the way she relaxed. She once did the carrot cake and I told her I loved it, not wanting to upset her. So she did a carrot cake almost every week and made me eat it. 'Life is too short to worry about gaining weight' she would say. She kept making that cake 'till I told her I hated that cake. Do you want to know what she said?" I asked looking into his eyes.
His expression was unreadable. He just nodded and waited for me to continue.
"Oh thank god! That cake is the most tasteless thing I have ever eaten." I chuckled at the memory.
It was then that I realized not everything was about my mom's death. The good memories, those were important, not why she left us.
I lifted my head up to look at Jake.
"I'm sorry for overreacting about the cake, Jake."
"It's fine. I understand what you are going through."
"How can you?" He looked a little taken aback at my question. I realized I sounded a bit more defensive then I intended to. He was about to apologize when I cut him off.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound so harsh." I sighed. "what I meant was, how can you understand me so well? If you don't mind me asking, have you ever lost someone?"
"Well, no." He was silent for some time like he was trying to figure out what to say. "Ok, I hope what I'm about say won't ruin our kind-of-friendship." He smiled faintly. "I understand because I can see the pain in your eyes. And when I see you crying, I feel like my heart is being shattered into pieces. That night when I saw you crying, I just wanted to hold you close and make you smile again. I wanted to hold you tight and never let go. That was the moment I realized I loved you. A couple of minutes ago, when you started laughing, I fell for you even more."
To be honest, I was surprised by his confession. So I just stood there, completely unable to move.
"It's okay if you don't return my feelings or if you don't feel read-"
I cut his rambling off by crashing my lips onto his. The kiss was so soft yet passionate. He responded almost immediately. He sucked on my lower lip, causing me moan slightly. My tongue traced his lower lip and he gave me permission by opening his mouth slightly.
When we pulled away, we were both breathing heavily. I was sure my lips were red and swollen just like his. Then, I smiled. It wasn't fake. It was the first genuine smile since my mother passed away.
He pulled me close and I let my head rest on his chest. I could feel his heartbeats and I loved it. His hands drew circles on my back making me shiver. He held me close and as promised, never let go.
I am not sure how I feel about this story. I don't think I captured the emotion but I think it's good enough, considering I wrote this in half an hour :)
Anyways, I would love some feedback. I hope you enjoyed the story. Thanks for reading :)