Bob the Investigator

At the office of Bob the Investigator…

Mr. Wilson walks in.

Mr. Wilson: Hello, Bob the Investigator. I'm missing $200. I believe it was stolen!

Bob: You're right. It was stolen. I stole it.

Bob returns the $200 to Mr. Wilson. Mr. Wilson leaves, confused. A few minutes later, Ms. Linda walks in.

Ms. Linda: Hello, Bob the Investigator. My $1,000,000 vase has disappeared!

Bob: Did you check your house?

Ms. Linda: Yes.

Bob: Did you check the Lost and Found department?

Ms. Linda: Yes.

Bob: Did you check the Lost and Found department in Antarctica?

Ms. Linda: Yes.

Bob: Then I don't know where it is and I can't accept this case.

Ms. Linda leaves. A few minutes later, Mr. Hopkins walks in.

Mr. Hopkins: Hello, Bob the Investigator. I'm…

Bob: I can't accept this case.

Mr. Hopkins: Why?

Bob: I don't have enough information.

Mr. Hopkins leaves. Mr. Nugget walks in.

Mr. Nugget: Hello, Bob the Investigator. My gold watch is missing. Will you take the case?

Bob: Yes. How much will you pay me?

Mr. Nugget: $2.

Bob: Ooh, that's 3 more dollars than I usually get paid.

At Mr. Nugget's House…

Bob: Where were you on the night of December the 17th?

Mr. Nugget: That's a statue of my mother!

Bob: Oh, no wonder you looked prettier.

Mr. Nugget: Are you saying I'm a suspect?

Bob: Everyone's a suspect until proven idiotic. Or something like that.

Mr. Nugget: Well, if you'd follow me, I'll show you the scene of the crime.

Mr. Nugget leads Bob to a podium that has broken glass around it.

Mr. Nugget: My gold watch was here.

Bob: How do we know it was here?

Mr. Nugget: I have video surveillance.

Bob and Mr. Nugget watch the security tapes. A guy in a mask had used a blow torch to make a hole in the glass. However, the glass was so weak that it fell apart before he started.

Bob: Do you know anyone who might have stolen your watch?

Mr. Nugget: Well…

The grandfather clock strikes 2:00.

Bob: It's 2:00 PM already? It's late, so can I stay here for the night?

Mr. Nugget: No!

Mr. Nugget kicks Bob out… literally.

That night…

Mr. Nugget gets ready for bed. He checks the clock. 11:00 PM. He drifts off. Just then, Bob barges in.

Bob: What are you doing? We've got an investigation here!

Mr. Nugget: It's 11:00 at night!

Bob: Yes, my hours are 11:00 PM to 2:00 PM.

Mr. Nugget: I thought that was a screw-up on the business hours sign.

Mr. Nugget gets dressed and he and Bob head off.

Mr. Nugget: Where are we going?

Bob: To the Dangerous Part of Town…

Bob and Mr. Nugget go to the Dangerous Part of Town kids' pizza parlor. Bob spots this one boy.

Bob: You're guilty, I know it!

The boy looks confused.

Mr. Nugget: Bob, he's a little kid. He couldn't have stolen my gold watch.

Little boy: Are you Mr. Nugget?

Mr. Nugget: Yes.

Little boy: My dad stole your watch.

Mr. Nugget: WHAT?! Why would you tell me this?

Little boy: I'm bored. I've got nothing else to do.

Bob: Where does your father work?

Little boy: At this pizza parlor. He's the owner.

Bob and Mr. Nugget walk into the owner's office. The sign on the door says his name is Joe Letter.

Joe: Hello, is there something you need?

Mr. Nugget: We know you stole my gold watch, you're letting kids stay up until 11:00 at this parlor, and your pizza is terrible!

Joe: I agree our pizza is terrible, but the kids want to stay up late. As for your watch…

Joe jumps out the open window. Mr. Nugget and Bob reach into Joe's desk drawer. They find Mr. Nugget's gold watch inside.

Bob: I'll meet you back at my office tomorrow.

Mr. Nugget: Ok.

The Next Day at Bob's Office…

Mr. Nugget: Thanks again for helping me find my gold watch.

Bob: Anytime. So, can I have my $2 now?

Mr. Nugget: Sure, here you go.

Mr. Nugget hands Bob the $2 then leaves. A few minutes later, Mr. Randall walks in.

Mr. Randall: Hello, Bob the Investigator. My car has been stolen.

Bob: You probably returned it to the car dealership.

Mr. Randall: How?

Bob: You can't steal your own car.

Mr. Randall: Are you accusing me of something?

Bob: Everyone's a suspect until proven idiotic. Or something like that.

The End