Author Note: This is a remake of a story from one of my earlier unpublished series, The Army Men Show. In this story, Bob the Investigator takes over the role that the Army Man had in the original. Due to the fact that the original was shorter than most of my stories, new scenes have been added, but the original comedy remains. The original version has yet to be released and no further release plans have been considered. However, I do hope you enjoy this story and please comment if you can.


Bob the Investigator: The Grocery Store

At the Grocery Store…

Bob walks in.

Bob: Hello, I need a truck.

Grocer: I'm sorry, but this is a grocery store.

Bob: Then why does it say "truck" on the front billboard?

Grocer: It says trunk. The name of this grocery store is the Food Trunk.

Bob: Darn. Well, what have you got?

Grocer: We have groceries.

Bob: What are groceries?

Grocer: Food.

Bob: Would a box car be considered a grocery?

Grocer: No. Sir, if you're just going to waste my time, then you can…

Bob: Where can I get some mustard?

Grocer: Section 3, row 4.

Bob: Good, because that's not what I want. Where's your finest collection of light bulbs?

Grocer: This is a grocery store!

Bob: Then give me some mustard!

Grocer: You said you didn't want any!

Bob: I don't!

Grocer: Then stop asking!

Bob: Get out!

Grocer: What?

Bob: I said get out! I don't want you in my grocery store!

Grocer: I don't even want to be in your grocery store!

Bob: Then get out!

Grocer: Fine, I will! Good day!

The grocer slams the door on his way out.

Bob: Well, even though there aren't any trucks or box cars, I'll see what they've got.

Bob goes up to the deli.

Bob: What have you guys got?

Deli Guy: We've got meat.

Bob: It's nice to meet you too. Now, what have you got?

Deli Guy: We've got meat. You know the kind you eat.

Bob: Oh yeah. They grow out of the ground, don't they?

Deli Guy: Those are beets. Meat!

Bob: Oh, meat. They're too spiky for me, even when I'm the one wearing them on my feet.

Deli Guy: Those are cleats and they're shoes, not food! Meat! Meat!

Bob: Why would you encourage kids to meat off other kids' tests? That's just wrong.

Deli Guy: That's cheat and I'm not encouraging kids to do that! We sell meat!

Bob: Oh, meat. Sorry, I'm a vegetarian.

Bob leaves behind a very angry deli guy. He walks over to the frozen food aisle.

Bob: Hang on frozen food! I'll save you!

Bob gets a flaming torch out of his jacket pocket. He burns down the entire frozen food aisle. A check-out guy runs to the aisle.

Check-Out Guy: What have you done?

Bob: This food was freezing so I was helping it warm up.

Check-Out Guy: That's it! You're banned from this store forever!

Just then a robber comes in.

Robber: Alright, give me all your money!

Check-Out Guy: Who are you?

Robber: My name shall remain a mystery.

Bob: Its Kevin, isn't it?

Robber: Great, now you've given away my secret identity! It doesn't matter. At least you don't know my last name.

Bob: Is it Gator?

Kevin: Oh, come on! Oh well, at least you don't know my middle name.

Bob: Is it…

Kevin: Would you shut up?

Bob: That's a very pleasant name. Kevin Would You Shut Up Gator. That's very creative.

Kevin: Just give me all of the store's money!

Bob: Now wait a minute. What do you need money for?

Kevin: That's the stupidest question anyone has ever asked me!

Bob: OK then. Why did you become a robber in the first place?

Kevin: My father was a robber.

Bob: Well, you don't have to follow in his footsteps.

Kevin: I don't?

Bob: No. You can be whatever you want to be. What do you want to be?

Kevin: I always wanted to be a dancer.

Bob: Then give up your life of crime and go to dance school.

Kevin: OK.

Kevin leaves.

Check-Out Guy: I'm sorry for banning you from this grocery store, sir. You can come back whenever you want.

The manager walks in.

Manager: So, you're the one who stopped that robber?

Bob: Yes.

Manager: What's your name?

Bob: Bob the Investigator.

Manager: Great. You know, I'm planning on retiring. Therefore, I'd like to give you my grocery store.

Bob: Thank you.

The grocer from earlier walks in.

Manager: Guess what? Bob the Investigator is the new manager of this store.

The grocer faints.

And that is how Bob the Investigator got his own grocery store and stopped having box cars for lunch.

The End