Bob the Investigator and the Beanstalk

In a house in the woods…

Bob and Ryan are sharing the house.

Ryan: Hey, Bob, I need you to take our cow into town to sell.

Bob: Why? We have enough food.

Ryan: I know, but I owe the cow $25 and I figure if I sell it, I'll lose the debt.

Bob takes the cow into town. He then runs into Ed the Bill Guy.

Ed: Hold it! That'll be $800 for not having a license to own a cow.

Bob: I do have a license to own a cow.

Ed: Oh. Well, in that case, you only owe me $799 for having a license to own a cow. Additionally, that'll be $650 for walking on this side of the sidewalk, $730 for having bad breath, and $1,005 for choosing this setting at the staff meeting for this story.

Bob: I can't afford that!

Ed: Well, in that case, I'll make you a deal. You give me that cow and I'll forgive all your debts and give you 3 beans.

Bob: Are they jelly beans?

Ed: No.

Bob: Then I don't want them.

Ed: You don't understand. These are magic beans.

Bob: Magic beans, huh? Alright, I'll take them.

Bob trades the cow in for the beans.

Back at the house…

Ryan: Did you trade our cow in?

Bob: Yes.

Ryan: How much did you make?

Bob: Well, you see, I got 3 beans.

Ryan: Are they jelly beans?

Bob: No.

Ryan: You traded our cow in for beans?!

Bob: They're magic beans.

Ryan: Oh, well in that case, that's actually pretty cool. Unfortunately, the script says I have to throw them out the window, so I will.

Ryan throws the beans out the window. Just then, a giant beanstalk grows in the yard.

Bob: Wow, a beanstalk!

Ryan: Should we climb it?

Bob: Well, considering there's a possibility it could lead to death, sure. I don't care about possibilities.

Bob and Ryan go outside and climb the beanstalk. At the top of the beanstalk, they see a giant house on a cloud.

Ryan: That's strange. That house only has 3 windows. Mine has 4.

Bob and Ryan walk into the giant house. In it, they see a duck.

Duck: Quack! What are you doing here?

Bob: A beanstalk took us here.

Duck: Quack! A beanstalk?! That's a myth!

Bob: And a talking duck isn't?

Duck: Quack! Is that an insult?! Take this!

The duck grabs her egg and throws it at Bob. Bob catches it.

Bob: Wow, this duck lays purple eggs. That's really popular in our town, because the king that ruled years ago destroyed every purple thing in the town for no reason. Ryan, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Ryan: We go down the beanstalk.

Bob: Yes.

Ryan: Take the duck with us.

Bob: Yes.

Ryan: Then introduce the duck to disco music.

Bob: No. We take the duck's eggs into town and sell them.

Duck: Quack! You'll never get away with this!

Giant: Fee Fi Fo Fum!

Bob and Ryan turn to see a giant in front of them.

Giant: What are you doing in my house?!

Bob: A beanstalk took us here.

Giant: A beanstalk?! That's a myth!

Bob: I see who the duck takes after.

Ryan grabs the duck, then he and Bob run off. They climb down the beanstalk with the giant following them.

Giant: Fee Fi Fo Fum! I want toast!

Ryan climbs back up.

Ryan: Really? So do I. Let's go get some after we're done with this sketch.

Bob: Stop with the fourth wall gags, Ryan!

Ryan starts to climb down the beanstalk again. When Bob and Ryan get down to the bottom, Bob goes to get an axe.

Bob: I'll chop down the beanstalk!

Bob chops the beanstalk until it and the giant fall into a lake.

Bob: Yes!

The giant then gets out of the lake.

Bob: Oh no!

Giant: Say, can you give me $5?

Bob: Wait, you're not going to destroy us?

Giant: No, I just needed an extra $5 since my talking harp needs an operation.

Bob: That explains why he didn't appear in this parody.

Bob gives the giant $5 and then the giant leaves.

Bob: Well, we've got the duck, so let's go sell the eggs!

Just then, the cow returns.

Cow: Hey Ryan! You still owe me $25!

Ryan: No!

Ryan runs off.

The End