February 1st, 2014

I remember.

I remember when we first met.

I remember how you smiled when you first saw me.

I remember how I felt when you talked to me.

No, I remember how I felt when you paid attention to me.

I remember how I looked for you when you were absent from school.

I remember how you would leave me thousands of messages and voice mails, asking if I was okay when I was absent from school or when I disappeared into the depths of my mind when I was feeling down.

I remember how we would talk until late hours of the night, without any sense of time, detached from reality and immersed in our own fantasy.

I remember how you changed me and made me see things that others couldn't.

I remember how I mothered you, worried that other people would steal your childlike innocence and taint you, hardening you into stone like you are now.

I remember how I taught you things that others didn't have the patience to teach you.

I remember how sweet you were, giving me hugs, whether I needed them or not.

I remember how you fought to make me happy when I was angry or sad.

I remember how upset you got when I was upset; my problems were your problems, my happiness apart of you too.

Most of all, I remembered our bond.

Unbreakable, it seemed until you drifted away and slipped through my fingers like a paper bag, carried away by the wind and sailing away into the midnight sky.

I remember how often I smiled then, now I don't smile as much. Pain grips at my heart at the old memories of us.

Loneliness and anger clouds my judgment like a veil over my eyes, making me bitter.

Now, I only wish that I could condense myself into a little ball and hibernate with the squirrels in my backyard.

Now, I only wish I could function without feeling immensely lonely and without purpose.

How funny it is that one person could hold such power over your emotions.