Dear Diary, December 24, 2011
It's Christmas Eve and I'm gonna pull an "all-nighter" to catch the big, fat, jolly man, yes... SANTA CLAUS! Everyone on this stinkin' planet, people here call Labonayon, say that Santa is not real, it's just a myth, that's always been told on Earth so their offspring will behave. I'll show them that I'm right though, I'll have the proof I need when I catch him!
I learned about him when my class went to the planet Earth for a field trip last year. The holiday is a time when a substance that is very cold cold comes from the very blue atmosphere (IT CHANGES COLOR WHEN THE TIME CHANGES! Isn't that just amazing?)
There I was, one year later waiting for the big fat future invader of my house. I'm now laying down on the couch writing in you... Uh-oh, I think that my annoying older brother's coming. I'll be back and I'll tell you my conversation with him later.
Here was our whole convo:
"What are you doing Jenna?" my older brother Jake asked me.
"None of your beeswax!" I replied very immaturely.
"Whatever, right now I see that you're writing in that stupid book you call a dairy." (Don't worry though, I defended you by giving him the evil eye) "I know that your trying to catch Santy Close guy."
Annoyed with Jake, I replied, "Two things that are wrong with that sentence, first of all, his name is Santa Claus. Second of all, I'm not trying, trying has the option of failure and I will not fail."
"You just got that saying from the commercial about Chuck Norris from Earth! You're a COPY-CATTER!"
"At least I'm not a player!"
"What did you call me?
"You heard me the first time, do you want me to repeat myself?" He was in shock by the confidence I suddenly bore upon myself, and also not knowing the meaning of a "player". "I called you a player: a person who is over-confident of him/herself and goes around dating everyone they see!
"So you see me like that, huh?" He asked me, but suddenly he lightened up, "You used to be a nice person before you went on your field trip to Eart!" I had a strong feeling of wanting to correct him, but I didn't because I could feel the drama that lurked in between us.
I opened my mouth to say something, but not a sound came out from my mouth. Afterward, he fled the scene of the argument and slammed the door of his room behind him.
Now that your caught up with everything, it's now 1:59! It is rumored that he always comes at 2:00 to make sure that not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
I heard some bells and stomping on the roof, "Finally, my last stop!" a loud voice declared, "I hope that they left my favorite, Chocolate Chip! Hohoho!" The man went down our really big chimney. He had a lot of practice, I could tell because he landed perfectly on the ground of our chimney making a cloud of ashes and dust swirl around him. When he came out he was clean! That must have been Christmas magic!
He came down the chimney singing a familiar Christmas song that was about jingling bells or something like that. "What have we here?" The very fat man asked me.
"I'll tell you after you do something for me."
"OK, anything for you Jenna-girl! You've believed in me so much!
"Can I take a picture of you?"
"Sure!" He said.
"Can you stand in front of that light over there though? It's a better light." I told him, pointing at the light fixture that stood right next to him.
"OK, but you should get your camera first." He said.
"I just want to position you first. Please?"
"OK, so over here?" He asked me.
When I nodded my head, he stood on the weight detector panel that I bought from the store and he ended up hanging upside-down! I finally caught him!
"AAHHH!" He screamed while he still hung, "I...have...a...h-heart-t...c-cond-dition!"
I walked up to him, "Santa, I've heard that one many times before, it's not gonna work now so you better..." I didn't finish my sentence because he wasn't breathing, "SANTA? WAKE UP," I exclaimed, yelling at him, in the danger of waking up my parents and relatives,
After shaking him for the past hour, I came to the conclusion that... he was dead. So now what am I gonna do? What about the children that want presents next year? I wish you could talk diary...