Anorexia nervosa. That's what he said that I had. But that wasn't true. There was no way that it was. I needed him the most at that moment and he had betrayed me, had left me to fall on my face. I still remember what he had said to me and how much it had hurt- still hurt.
"Lauren I just can't." Mat said his voice strained. "You need help Lauren." Those words broke me.
"I don't need help Mat," I cried tears running down my face, "I am perfectly fine. I-I'm just the same old Lauren."
"No you're not. I cant stand to see you punish yourself like this. It's eating at you Lauren!" he shouted, "You have anorexia nervosa and I just can't just watch you tear yourself apart like that." he began to walk away from me then his sandals slapping the beach sand.
"Don't leave me Mat I yelled as I ran toward him. The wind blew my hair fiercely and the sky churned with a coming storm. As soon as I was close enough I latched onto his shirt collar and pulled on it. He was pulled back onto my body and we both fell into the sand in a heap.
"Let go of me Lauren." Matt whispered his throat closing up.
With a small shake of my head I turned till my knees were straddling his and we were face to face.
"Mat," I whispered bring my face to his, "I love you." Then I kissed him. Kissed him with everything I had. Kissed him with all the love and hope that I had inside me. It seemed that we were glued there for a while but he pulled away soon-too soon.
"Lauren I love you but I can't do anything for you right now. I have done everything that I could." his eyes glistened, "I loved you with all my heart from the beginning Lauren. I gave you everything. I tried to make you feel loved and to show you what a wonderful person you are and how you deserve the very best." a tear escaped my eyes and was quickly wiped away by Mat's thumb, "Even when you began to have your mood swings and your father beat the crap out of you I stuck around. I was there when he died and you and your mother began to rebuild your life. I thought that your life would be better then but it wasn't. You cut yourself Laurie." He held up my arm so I could examine the markings that ran all the way up to my shoulder. "Every time you cut yourself I would kiss the cut and you would promise never to do that to yourself again but you never did. Lauren I was there when you began to consume the food a baby should not a growing fifteen year old girl. I loved you when you were curvy and beautiful and full of life. I still love you Lauren but I can't do anything for you now. You need help. Get some help from someone else because you obviously don't believe that I love you just the way that you are or you don't love me enough to love yourself. If you love me Lauren find some help for yourself." he finished. Mat kissed the top of my head, untangled my limp arms from his neck, got up and walked away.
"I can change!" I yelled. "I promise just don't leave me. Don't leave me like they all have. Please!" I shouted at him my throat aching.
Mat however did not even look back. He climbed into his car and drove away.
"Come back." I whispered.
Today I was back at the beach. Back at the place that my whole life fell apart. I curled my feet around the sand as I stood up. There was a horrible storm approaching tonight. It had been three months since it had happened. Three months of desolate pain. Enough was enough. I looked up at the full moon and began to walk into the ocean. The water was now up to my shoulders and I shivered from the coldness of it. I plunged my full body into the water.
I love you Mat.
OBITUARY December 24, 2011
A young girl by the name of Lauren McKinley died during last night's storm. Her body was found washed up on the beach. Her mother found her. Lauren McKinley was still in her night gown when she was found on Christmas Eve. Police and investigators have concluded that her death was the result of suicide.
An elderly man by the name of Jonathan Wilkes was found dead at the bottom….