Close your eyes. And even a letter to Santa didn't help. Nothing could.

To Nightingale and LT.

Your Christmas gifts since I still have no idea what to buy. -.- Thanks for being such awesome people and playing such a huge role in my life. Anyway, Merry Christmas! (A really late one, but whatever.)

- how can i love when i'm afraid to fall? -

She trudged up the steps, one by one. Her molten honey eyes were dead, her once pale face jaundiced. Her lips were cracking, her hair dishevelled.

She looked like the epitome of death.

She struggled to get a grip on reality, her mind zooming in and out of a perfect fantasy world. A world where she was loved…

What happened to that fairytale she lived not too long ago?

Everything came crumbling down…

[turn the hour hand back]

Her mother, lying dead in a hospital room.

Her father, wasting away on alcohol.

Her sister, pregnant at sixteen.

Her brother, getting involved with the mafia.

Her boyfriend, leaving her for someone better.

Her best friend, abandoning her for eloping with an idiot.

[turn the hour hand back]

Tonight, she decided, was the night to make everything right.

And she could be happy, once more, in her perfect fairytale…

It was snowing, and the streets were filled with mindless shoppers doing their last minute Christmas shopping.

Just a few more floors…

Her feet ached from climbing the steps. Her heart was hurting from heartbreak. She was falling apart, but no one noticed.

She hid behind fake smiles and said she was alright. Behind that mask, was a brilliant actress dying each time she took a breath.

She looked up, and there it was. The door to the rooftop. She roughly swung it open, and sucked in a deep breath.

She looks at you.

You, who watched her suffer. You, who saw her cry. You, who kept silent through everything.

She unfolded a rather crumpled piece of paper from her pocket and placed it on the stony piece of cement. She took out an old, rusty pen. And she began.

Dear Santa,

It's stupid for me to write this, I know. But everything's just falling apart.

Just…just bear with me, okay?

Santa, can I have three wishes? I know you grant kids wishes, and I'm already a grown adult, but I still would like these wishes. Here they are.

Firstly, can I wish to become non-existent? I think the world would be better off, don't you think so too?

Secondly, can I wish for…love? I want someone to love me. Even though I know I can't return that love, I want to feel this love, this love everyone's been talking about. What does it even mean? What's…LOVE?

Thirdly, I wish…you'll get this letter. It's stupid, but I hope you really do. Then maybe, in hell, I'll know someone loves me. Someone like you.

I'm sorry for troubling you, to read my messy handwriting even while I'm semi-drunk, even while I'm just about to jump off the highest building in my town. You think it'll give those people a shock, right?

Santa, thank you. Thank you for letting me love you through this letter. I know that sounds nonsensical, but screw it.

With love,


She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and fell. Right down to the busied, lighted streets below, where a different world existed…

The letter was still in her hand, as she took her final breath.

She knew someone loved her…

Random Talk

And this was disappointing. -.- /shot

Sorry for making all of you bear with my lame stories around this period. Mreh.

I'm such a horrible friend, not even buying something for you guys, Nightingale and LT. Still, accept this story as a lame Christmas gift?