I want to ask you a question. Why are you reading this? That's the wrong way to start. I was told it's never polite to start with a question, you have to let a person tell you about themselves before you start to pry. So, what's your life like? There I go again, asking another question. I can't even be bothered to stick around for the answer. Why did I even ask that question? Hey look, another question. But that one's for me, not you, so don't you dare answer that if you don't want to offend me. But I can answer it myself, as it was myself that asked the question. Two myself's except they're both the same person. They're both me. All me. Always me. Oh gosh, my mother always said I shouldn't talk too much about myself, I would bore anyone to death. So, what's your life like? I've already said that, haven't I? Don't answer that. Can you really be bothered to tell me anyway? And think, if someone don't wanna tell, and someone don't wanna hear, no one's gaining anything,are they? Unless it's a life or death situation, when there's a whole heap to gain. You're not dead are you? Sorry, that's just a question that I have to ask, I wouldn't want to be talking to a ghost now would I? Actually, I ain't really having a two-sided conversation am I? Hey, hey, hey; let me impress you with something. Hold your shirts on. Or is it meant to be hat? Or socks? Oh well, just get now will you, and stop listening to me. Here, I'll give a few mo's to get ready. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,9 ½, 9 ¾, 10. There you go, you should be ready now, whatever you're holding. Okay, here goes. I just need to get myself ready now. Three deep breaths. Or nine or ten. I'm ready now. You've had more than enough time, so you should be ready to. Okay here goes, again. The wind I am. Isn't that amazing? So poetic, so, so… inspirational. I've gotta look into the sky when I say that, just so it had effect. Look with me. That line, it says so much, don't it? And you can be honest with me. You have no need to tone down your amazement. I thought of it myself you know. I might be a poet one day. Famous for my one-liners. Or maybe I should just go into pick up lines; your hair looks amazing, but you know where it would look even more amazing? By a beige-green wall and a mahogany lamp. Just like my apartment. Hey, hey, isn't that a great pick-up line? I haven't tried it yet, but I will. Do you think it will work? You might as well use it, it better than some of that old crummy stuff. So I probably seem pretty impressive now don't I? Someone to look up to? A role model? Oh, I'm blushing now. Thank you so very much for the great honour that I know you will bestow me. How's the weather? I was told to always turn to the weather if I needed to make polite conversation. So, weather time. Bright and sunny with a hint of clouds. Do you think I could pass for one of those people that read the weather on T.V? I don't I could, I don't have the hair. Plus I couldn't pass off doing a nice jig in the middle of talking about the hurricane that raining sun. That would be my only problem though, I know heaps about the weather. I was told to always stop whilst I'm head. My mother said that would normally be after I've said one thing, and look at that, I've said quite a few! But it's always best to obey your dear old mother, so I'll stop now. I just want to ask you one more question. Why did you read this?