an. trigger. vaguely graphic. ugly. abuse warning.


and he calls me baby, baby.
says, "baby, put your hand here,
put your head there." oh,
how i hate that word.

"baby, i love you. are you
scared of me? you should be
so afraid, baby."

"naughty girls," he says,
smirking at my fear. "baby."

(once, years later, my
boyfriend called me baby
as he moaned in ecstasy.
i sort of panicked, you know,
heard my father's voice instead.

but it didn't really matter;
my whole life has been about
forgetting myself to