The Enamoured One
I was staring into the blackboard, bit too intently. I had no choice.
A warm heart shapped face appreared infront of me. With an amusing smile I nodded to my lecturer. He raised his finger at me playfuly warning me not to doze off again into my daydreams.
I had moved into a small town in Washington with my cousin. At first thought I didn't even know what I was doing here. I needed a drastic change ofcourse , but still at times I wonder why I took this step. The death of my parents last year made my whole life change into an utter horror. I wored my self out by crying and walloying my self in pity. That was not helping , at all.
I just wanted my eyes to see some thing bit calmer, some thing a total opposite of vulger. Some thing to sooth me down for once. I still have them with me in my heart , and I knew that I was doing something very cruel to my self by moving away into somewhere completely new and strange. I wanted to expereince less pain I guess, may be , just may be I would have a new approach to my life and feel light again.
It did'nt felt good, this new school, everything felt so autrociously awful.
It was just so ubelievably and absurdly cold here, though I liked the factor of wearing layers of warm cothings. The extra piece of clothing felt jewellery to me. It felt extraordinaly cozy, may be I am finally starting to convince my self that I can get through this and some where deep down in my heart , I felt good after a painfully long time.
I fidgeted in my seat to get a clearer view of the play ground through the window. It was completely bare , not enough ample amount of green at all. The slight drizzling of snowflakes started again , I shuddered and looked away only to meet my eyes again with him. My lecturer gave me a dissapointed look.
So much for my distraction.
"Sophia". My lecturer called my name as we were dispersing . I halted and turned to my left to see him motioning his fingers towards me. I brushed a brunette lock of my hair behind my ear and felt kind of irritated. Now, I slightly regretted for drifting away my mind earlier. I shoved my hands into my large , green, leather jacket and stepped front.
I was looking at the ground unable to mentain an eye contact with him. I didn't want to deal with his querries for now.
" Is there a problem Sophia ? not getting along with the new bunch ? What's the matter.' He asked gently.
no, no and no. I mentally answered.
" Juss bit homesick Sir, nothing important , I just need a bit of time to get along, the students are great to me. Just the change." I was mentally whinning for him to buy my reasoning and let me go already. I saw him making no movement and I took it as my green signal and fleet my self out of the room.
I sighed, bit too dramatically.
" Hey ! Soph ! slow down !...woah ...why so much of runnin hu ?"
I turned behind to look at her confused face. " Hey kylie ". I greeted her with a huge grin and started walking fast again.
She's that one person who I am so glad to have around this year. she's like that piece of puzzle that fits into every possible place. When it had been my first day in this school, she practically was baby sitting me the entire day, it looked so effortless to me. she became my friend so easily that it took quite a lot of time to get it kicked right in my head.
" Just wanted to escape that curious lecturer of mi-" . I trailed off as I bumped into some one as if he was headed straight towards me . Kylie held my elbow and supported me so I would'nt loose my balance while his apologies commenced.
I lifted up my face to look into this particular guys face and just like in movies my eyes went wide and I gulped hard.
Sorries were on his lips as he brushed back his drak strands away into his messy hair. I had never seen such a perfect set of deep blue eyes before. I was in utter awe.
As my eyes moved to his broad shoulders and back again to his half smiling face, my heart thudded so loud that I thought it would jump out of my ribcage any moment. My stomach all knotted up , fire in my chest , my face all so flustred.
"It's completely ok ". I nearlly chocked out the words. Miraclly, I even managed to pass a smile .
He nodded once and left. I stared into his back for a bit too long.
I couldn't have enough of watching his retreating figure. " Who is he ? " . I slightly faced kylie.
She casually placed her arm over my shoulder and we started walking again.
" Our history teacher, he's back this year."
I stood there rooted into the ground mentally scolding my self to extremes.
What have I gotten my self into ?
I looked at my worn out converse , thinking of what kind of shoes he liked on girls particularly. Am I starting to get that dense ? God ! I did'nt even knew his name yet!
As the history class was approaching , I had a nauseous feeling, I knew I would stumble and fall in front of him. Or may be , just out of no where stare at him and give him the impression of some psyco freak cluelessly luring at him. But I would definatley act clumsy and make a fool of my self , I could'nt deal with that and yes , that is absurdly ridiculous. He should'nt have that much of an effect on me for all the reasons aside , he was a teacher ! Damn him.
I sat on the vacant hallway stairs, classes had commenced already and here I was , fumbling my fingers over each other, acting like a five year old impatiently waiting for all the doors to open and let me in. Though I'd be still a coward and would'nt have moved an inch from where I am. What am I going to do tomorrow and the day after that and...ugh , the thought itself was making me dizzy. I stood straight , removed my coat and headed straight towards the classroom, how hard could it be ? I'll make a fool of my self a few times and eventually it will be over. It's not like he is'nt completely aware of how hot he is, right? girls must have been willingly throwing them selves on him , so I guess he'll understand , hope so.
I grabbed the door handle and gave it a quick push , and just like that, I already knew in the back of my mind how bad of an Idea it already was. I saw a student writting something on the board and as he turned to face the class , he noticed me and acted like a lecturer.
" Well Miss, your late'. With a small smile he addressed me.
" I'm still not very good in finding my new class locations." I blurted out , well I had to give a reason, may it be a lame one.
The guy nodded and turned to face the class again and spoke.
" Mr Kellan , This is the new girl , Sophia."
I looked at where he was looking and as this morning , my breath caught a little again. I avereted my gaze away to look for a seat and hide myself. The class was packed but there were hardly twelve people in total. He was sitting at the far most seat possible, noticing my searching eyes he said.
" She can sit beside me. Jones, you may continue your presentation."
The guy behind me professionally commeneced his left over speech as I made my way to the last seat with trembling legs.
I was so scared , I guess I even closed my eyes for a few seconds.
I reached to the vacant seat next to Mr. Kellan , I suppose, and without looking and uttering a word to him , I quitely took my seat and settled in.
My heart thudded so loud by his near presence, I tried to focus hard on this guy's speech. I placed my joined hands on the table in an old fashioned manner. I was so stiff and silent , that it kind of started to hurt my muscles.
kellan quitely placed a sheet of paper in front of me and signified a particular line with his finger, which I presume was the topic this guy was talking about. I started wondering bout his large hands , how it must feel against my...woah, I can't let my self finish that unbelievable thought , that was too close, can not let that thought over power me again.
I tilted my head a bit to the left to hide my face , I created a curtain with my hair between him and me.
Kellan stood up as soon as Joseph's speech concluded and made his way to the centre.
" This song was dedicated to the widows and orphans after the great war. I want you to give it a good listen." With that he pressed the play button and the class zoned out into the mids of the french history with a highly emotional song of the late fiftees.
I started to get very uncomfortable when I sensed his eyes boring to my seated figure. I stared at the table in front of me and shoved my hands into my pockets. I tried to not think about anything and just focus on the song, raise to the bad stars of mine the lyrics kind of started to become intently saddening , it felt like I could almost relate my story to it. The song then drifted to how an orphan felt after seeing his parents dead bodies. My eyes widened with the mental images of my loss, it striked me with full intensity. I used to block those memories at the far back of my head and I started to do pretty good job at not thinking about my parents graves. But this drastic change made all of my effort go in vain. I didn't realised as a tear fell down my cheek. The painful voice of the singer hit my blocked senses again and it was deavstatingly hard to hold back my sob. I was so lost into holding my self back that I did'nt realised his approach.
He bent down and leaned towards me.
" Are you okay?". I nodded as he distanced himself again. He faced staright into the invisible air with his hands in his pockets. I knew if I would hear this stupid song for one more prolonged momment I'll loose it. I quickly stood and took long steps towards the door and left.
There was a chill in the air.
A dampness clung to that chill, making the shivering, huddled bodies rushing along the busy sidewalk pop into bars and restaurants, all in some hope to delay reentering that approaching
arctic environment. The weather had been making up for that fact for the past three days. Thick, dark clouds swallowed up what little of the stars would have been seen from the glare of the city.
I felt so alone, sitting on the side table of a mini breakfast franchise. It was six in evening and I felt like eating some pancakes with eggs. After leaving the history class I fled out of school and wandered around the streets. For all the sane reasons, I was suffereing from a great loss and an another unusual loss of my heart to someone I hardly knew few hours ago.
The door flew open as an angry young kylie with a furious approach threw glaring daggers at me.
" How dare you ditch school without me ? I had been looking for you since a freakin hour, you could now atleast cut me some slack and without questioning let me be there for you for once!"
A small smile creeped up my lips. " wow, you could be really lame like me sometimes."
She smacked my arm while I scowled at her. Her face broke into a huge grin as she handed me my notes and the bag I left in the class itself.
" He asked me about you , I told him that you moved in here and lost your parents last year, He was sorry to hear that." My eyes shot up as I realized who she was talking about. I tried to fix my face into something less wierd.
"oh..". I said while taking my stuff from her grip.
" Did I kind of made a dramatic departure or somethin ?" . I half heartedly hope that I was wrong.
" O common, we all don't undersatnd your grief , but we atleast can have a estimation of your loss plus you just left the class instead of running with full force baffing towards the door , so yeah , pretty much okay , not dramatic." She gave me her cute smile and I found myself smiling in return.
" yeah , pretty much okay ." I repeated her phrase and knew how much it wasn't going to be okay.
Next morning , I woke up and led my self down stairs and grabbed a cup of coffee from the brewer. I had yet one more big day ahead of me, It was kind of adventurous I thought leaning against the kitchen counter. Kellan was the first thing in my mind this morning and it kind of gave me a warm feeling. I decided to take him something that life has offered me to only see and relish , nothing beyond. So be it, I don't mind looking at a well muscle sculpted man like him all day. No sane girl would, since I get to hear lots of fanatic girls in my class talk about him all day as well. He did'nt needed to be that hot , he should be sent to his original habitat, a runway fashion show.
Bless the stars , he was the first person I ran into my very first class. Kylie as usual was on my side and amused by my expression.
He gave a half smile to me. For a second, I felt really self-conscious in the lounge pants and tank top I had wore today. Irritation at his all-too perfect face swept through me. Really, did one person needed to be so blessed? It didn't seem cosmically fair.
" How is one feeling today ". His smile broke into a wide grin and yeah , well, I died.
" Absolutely fine ". I tried to compose my self and held a semi-acceptable smile on my face.
He nodded once and started to leave whilst Kylie turned and blocked his way.
"Mr. kellan here is my trip fee." She handed him some money and he lifted his eyes over me.
" And what about your freind?". He asked her while facing me. Right, the trip , not interested. I hardly had a single friend and didn't wanted to fool around all day with total strangers.
" err..no I - ."
" You're commin , I will collect money from you tommorow, we'll discuss the rest in class." He said curving his half smile into a complete smirk and I lifted my eye brow. Was he challanging me to say no ?
Without another word he turned to his right and left as soon as Kylie grabbed my arm and dragged me with her as well. I had a stupid smile on my face all day.
" mmm, they do have really awesome cheese burgers here-". I stared at klylie's munching face , losing track of what she was talking about , the light buzzlings of the cafeteria blended out as I got lost in my own thoughts.
It was very wrong of me , thinking like that about a teacher , all the wrong feelings which I am not supposed to be having for him. Well it's not like he would be knowing my thoughts anyway, it could be just one of my temporary likings, I convinced my self again.
Yes, I decided finally, I'm not letting my self go that far , he probably might even be engaged or something but by the looks of him he seems quite young , probably just a random senior, a hot one ofcourse. I just need to compose my self , this fairy tale of mine has a bad ending , I know it already because there is no way I would come to straight confessions infront of him and tell how I feel. One sided likeness always ended in heart break and my heart can't handle something like that , specially after the loss I've been through. All I need to do now , is to just block him out of my thoughts.
I nodded my head furiously , forcing my heart to make an agreement with my brain.
I took my seat in the history class next to a blond haired guy. He gave me a short smile and introduced himself to me and shortly after that asked me out. Cherry on top, so much for my determination to stay in composure for the rest of the day. I had to deny him ofcourse and I did that a bit too curtly, for which I felt a little bad for him.
He nodded his head as if understanding my situation and gave that cute smile again.
" We could still be friends." He suggested , resting his head on his right hand , looking at my face.
" Only if I want to." I said , trying to figure out his expression.
" I know you want to." He half grinned and I laughed. but my laugh was cut short as Kellan made his entrance through the door. We both faced him and that old unknown smile crept to my features as I saw kellan removing his coat , all ready to address his students.
" Firstly , I am very dissapointed at the scanty turn out of our trip to the cinema, only six people have filled in yet and I guess I need to cancel it now." His eyes avereted to me between his sentences.
" If any one of you is interested in still going out to the trip with me , I need a serious convincing here. now to our topic today-".
" , I'm sorry about not filling in earlier , here's my sum ." A short girl handed over some trip money to him and few other students rose to pay him as well. Slowly every body went towards his direction and started paying. I felt a nudge by Kylie from behind as she waited for me to go and pay him as well. I rose from my seat and adjusted my sweater, I quickly took into account of my wallet and withdrew the required money. Making my way towards the que of students I recalled the note book I had left in class earlier , which I did'nt recieved with my other books sent to me by him through kylie.
I was next , I realised. My hand automatically rose to him. " here" . I said as he nodded briefly.
He took the money from my hand , his fingers lightly brushed mine and I felt a jolt of shivers running down my spine by the mere contact.
" It's a surprise that you are willingly coming." He lifted his head and looked into my eyes.
" I figured that you would'nt take no for an answer." My voice was suddenly hoarse.
A small smirk on his face and that was all it took for me to melt. " Yes, for sure I wasn't taking that answer from you." His eyes glistened as I saw a matching smile adjusting my expression.
" I wanted to know, by any chance do you have my note book from the other day ? It had my school picture and few reciepts in it. I can't find it since I left the class room earlier." I saw his brows move closer to each other in a thoughtful look.
" I'm afraid Sophia , I sent all your belongings , you might wanna check some other places." He said looking at me with the same thoughtful expression, smile gone.
My name on his lips did silly things to my body.
" Okay , Thanks for sending it to me anyway." I said and saw his oceanic eyes getting brighter by seconds. His face not thoughtful anymore yet replaced by that gorgeous smile again. I was amazed for a moment, not wanting him to see me starring at him any longer I faced to my right and walked away.
" So, you're going then ? " . Garry , the blond guy asked me as I approached to my seat .
" Yes , you should come too." I said while taking my seat next to him.
He looked at me for a second. " Would you like if I come ?". He raised his brow at me.
" As friends, definately." I replied as he stood with a grin on his face and left for the que. I shook my head laughing lightly as Kylie came to occupy Gary's seat.
" I think the cutie likes you." Kylie stated looking towards me.
" He already asked me out but I had to put his offer down." I said with and amusing look and kylie looked exactly amused as me.
" oh great , I have my chance then." She winked at me and went to sit on her previous seat. I followed her move and and shook my head in disbelief.
Kellan's Point of view.
I stroked the edge of the crystal glass.
" I can't believe I'm in love with her , she makes it so hard for me to stand in one room with her. I wish it was just physical for me , like it's have been for my entire life but she seems to draw me towards her like no other." I ran a hand through my hair as my best friend Harry stood beside me in the crowded bar , quitely listening to me.
" I mean , it's her grief I think , which attracts me , I can't think of how she has handled herself over her loss and ...and she's so beautiful , her tear struck face just melted me that day. I just want to be by her side , you know ? ...ugh .."
" Are you even listening Harr-". I trailed of as soon as I took into account of my surroundings.
She appeared in a small black dress accompained by her lush brunette curls and big brown eyes. I felt my throat going completely dry at the sight of her. Just like the very first day I saw eyes suddenly looked into my direction and our gazes locked instantly.
I could'nt read her expression , she firmly looked away and I had'nt realised how long we were starring at each other.
I found my self arising from my table towards her. I stopped short before touching her back , she shifted slightly as she sensed my presence. My hand moved towards her shoulder and nudged her a little. She motioned her face towards me , and looked at me with questionng eyes. It was'nt a great move after all.
She tugged a lock of her hair into its place and averted her gaze to my hands and back again to my eyes. I needed to come up with something to say but I could'nt think of anything. Her face changed into something more curious and I had to smile at her cute expression.
" Err, yea the timings." I blurted . This time checking her out.
" Timings ?". She questioned and looked down.
" yea, for the...err...TRIP ! ...yeah , timings are from eight in the morning for tomorrow." I blurted out something again. Her eyes followed from the ground to me and back to the ground again. She seemed shy.
" yea I know, you already said that in morning." Her eyes boring into mine , asking me for an answer.
" oh, right , I sure did." I felt kind of humilated while saying that.
" Okay , I'll see you tomorrow morning at eight then... Kellan." She looked around her and back at me , her cheeks little flustered.
'kellan' I played her voice over my head and loved the sound of it. If only she would kept saying it over and over again...
" What ?" . She asked me , I guess I looked like I had something to say.
" You said my name." I choked out and regretted as soon as I said it. What was I trying to do ? scare her away ?
She looked dumbfounded and said nothing. She shifted her weight from one leg to the other and lookeed away.
" See you tomorrow."
With that I went back to me seat with Harry, wanting to take all of that back.
" She'll never love me." I confronted to Harry after a long pause.
He lifted his head and looked at me . " And what makes you think that for sure ?"
" I just know it ." My eyes followed her retreatng figure out of the club with her friend.
It was the fourth jacket I had tried on since morning. I wondered what color she liked, was I overdressed for the trip? Sighing deeply I decided to go with my black jacket and a blue button up shirt. I looked into the mirror, smiling at my reflection, I saw her image by my side. May be she won't fancy me , but I was determined to make the best of my minimul time I had with her.
I sat on my bed and placed my plams on my thighs. How far will I take this, I thought. I desperately want this to be a virtual hotbed of my hormonal urges but it's way more than that. It's an obsession driving me. I'm not going to give up on her. Though my emotions can not be trusted, all I see is her.
" Beautiful." I murmured under my breath as I stroked her picture. I kept looking at it for some time.
I shoved the picture back in to my wallet and stood from my bed to grab my shoes. I had reached the theater early. I ruubbed my hands together to keep them warm, it was absurdly cold again yet there was a warm glow to the weather. Few sun rays illuminating the blury foggy day.
I waited a few moments longer as students started to come by. Once every one stood beside me ready to go in I searched for Sophia. I could'nt find the brunette I was searching for. Students started to nudge me to start the trip already , I gave up on her quest and lead the class into the cinema. I commenced by giving details on the historic film we were about to watch. The projector was put in place and the movie started.
I took my seat next to a blond haired guy at the far end. After fifteen prolong moments there was some shuffling and fidgeting at the left side of the row.
I saw her making her way towards my row. She took a seat on the other side of the blond haired guy and greeted him. He then started talking to her, I saw a small smile on her face which broke in to laughter as she answered him.
I felt kind of irritated at the sight, those smiles should be only for me. As I was lost into my thougths I saw the blond haired guy lifting his left arm and resting it on her shoulders. A pang of jealousy shot through me. My heated gaze remained fixed on his arm around her shoulder, I had a feeling of ripping it off. She leaned her head to the back of her seat and sighed. My gaze tracing her movements. Her headed slowly lifted from the seat and moved towards his shoulder. She firmly placed her head there.
I could'nt watch it anymore. I tore my eyes away from her and looked straight into the screen. My brows fused together in discomfort. From the corner of my eye I saw her arising from her seat and motioning towards the exit. Why did she left, I thought.
I nudged the blond haired guy next to me and asked whether he would like to change seats with me. He looked skeptical for a moment but as I explained him that I could'nt see because of a tall guy sitting infront of me , he stood quitely and took my seat. It was completely dark except of the light radiating from the screen. I heared a quite click of the exit door and was'nt sure if it was Sophia. She came closer towards my left and took her previous seat without glancing towards my direction.
I turned to look back to the screen , content enought that she was sitting beside me. I saw her face lifting towards my direction from the corner of my eye. She kept looking at me for few moments and I liked the feel of her stare. She looked down and averted her gaze back to the screen just like me and said nothing for the entire time.
As the film came to an end, all the lights flickered on and I rose from my seat and directed the students to leave. As the students started to make a que I went out of the room towards the bus stop to make sure of the timings for the next bus. I turned towards the cinema door and heard lots of bustling going on , as I stood there in front of the door every one seemed to be whispering and giving me odd looks. I motioned every body towards the bus and saw Sophia talking to her friend at the far end of the line.
The public bus came to a halt from the right. Passengers rushed out of the bus as the students hurried to take their seats. Since I was leading every one I had to step into the bus first. I saw every body rushing towards the bus but Sophia was strangely walking very slowly.
" Faster." I called to her , She lifted her head and stopped short.
The doors of the bus closed infront of me as the bus accelerated. I signified her through my hands to take the next bus but she started to walk in the other direction. I saw her figure disapper as the bus moved forward.
I took my seat next to the window , wondering what was wrong with her. The light whispering same as in the cinema earlier started , I glared at the students behind me and told them to mentain silence. I caught that blond guy making his way towards me and with a light cough he started talking.
" , I need a huge favour from you." The guy said, not making any eye contact.
" It's related to Sophia." Her named grabbed my attention and I looked at him curiously.
After a brief moment he continued. " You see sir, yesterday I had asked her out but she declined me, so I thought to say something which I truely feel for her, may be she might change her mind or so. I decided to write down my feelings and give it to her today. I had the letter in my pocket all day long and it was not long enough before getting on this bus , I relaised it was misisng and then I heard the students talking, they saw a letter on your seat and thought that you have written it for Sophia."
He hesitated in between.
" I think that my letter fell from my pocket before we changed our seats and now every body has a wrong concept in their mind including Sophia." He bit his lip in worry.
A love letter ? . Every body thinks I wrote it for her. Damn , that is why she looked so striken and did'nt catch the bus. She must have been thinking very low of me right now, this is'nt how I wanted things to go.
" You have some serious confessions to make young lad, I need you to clear it in front of every body , right now , do you hear me ?." I raised my tone a bit higher then usual and saw him nodding. He murmured a sorry and went back to his seat.
I looked out of the window on my right thinking where could she possibly go.
Sophia's Point of view.
The lights of the cinema flickered on as the movie ended. I saw Kellan makng his way towards the door. Mean while, I played his handsome face illuminating from the screen light earlier over and over again in my head. I just could'nt get enough of it.
I looked at his retreating figure , so lean and muscular and his hair...his hair. I might start drooling at this point.
" Whatch ya thinking?. " Kylie's voice woke me up from my daydreams.
" Hair...er nothing , movie was so painfully boring." She looked at me curiously and opened her mouth few times to say something. I waited for her answer.
" Do you wanna talk about somethin ?" I asked as she sighed .
" Soph , a student found a letter on Kellan's seat." she took out a piece of paper from her pocket and lifted it infront of me.
" It's...it's a..er.. letter and everyone thinks he wrote it for you since you two were sitting together."
My eyes widened at her statement and I felt a pang of hurt in my chest.
" A Love letter?." I repeated. she looked around and gave me brief nod.
All these people around me they must be thinking so low of me. They would think that I'm one of the shallow ones, having a fling with a teacher while looking so decent. Why did he had to do that, why did he had to destroy me and my reputation like this. Was'nt he aware of my situation, I felt like a used toy.
All the strange glances and looks given by the people around me made me look down in shame.
" hey, it's going to be okay.." I heard Kylie's little murmur in my ear as she grabbed my hand and took me away with her towards the bus. As she got on the bus I stopped short and distanced my self. I tilted my head to the left and saw Kellan standing behind the bus window and signaling me to come in.
What a jerk. I thought angrily, I did'nt wanted to see that face again. I turned towards the opposite direction and started running. I heard the sound of the bus moving forwad as I increased my speed.
When I was sure that no one would find me , I leaned down on a wall at the corner of the bus station and broke into a fist of sobs.
He should'nt have done this to me.
I sat down on the ground resting against the wall and hugged my knees tightly.I rested my cheek on my knee and closed my eyes for few moments. I looked at the little steps of the crowd moving besides me and wondered what it would have been like if I never came here.
He likes me. The thought felt good but mostly hurted a lot. I can't be in a relationship with a teacher , it's against the rules. All I wanted was a good starting to my new life here. But he has made it so hard on me. People expect me to be the decent and the nice person like I am, not some one who carries a secrect fancy towards a teacher and vice versa.
I remained seated on the ground until the wall started to make me feel very stiff and cold. I lifted my self from the ground and went to the bus stop.
' A love letter'. These three words circled my mind through out my way to school. I jumped of the bus and headed towards the building but a voice stopped me.
I turned around to see Gary calling out my name from the gate and Kellan standing beside him few feets away.
I narrowed my eyes at his figure and turned to leave.
" Sophia ! stop." I heard Gary calling my name this time. I didn't stopped walking.
" We were witing for you since an hour!"
" Why did you wait for me ? I need air Gary , I don't wanna see anyone." I kept walking .
I started to climb stairs and looked behind to see Kellan following me.
" Wait a second please." I stopped in the bare corridor and looked at him.
" Gary has lost his letter, Do you have it ?."
" Oh , seriously ? this is how you're gonna play it ? why did you even do it hu ? labeling me as someone who has a fling with a school teacher , you had no right ! and I don't see why it's any of your concern if it's Gary's." I replied with a snort.
"Sophia, it belongs to him , not me." He stated calmly.
" I don't think so, because it fell from your pocket!" His remarks were making me angrier by second.
" Did you see it falling from my pocket ?." He asked incrediously.
" I did'nt." He started following me again.
" Exactly ! I don't know who told you that but it's complete crap. It's a letter of Gary's who he wanted to give it to you and he needs it back."
" If it's his letter , then why do you care ?" . I stopped walking and narrowed my eyes at him.
" I don't care Sophia, I just care about.." He pulled my arm and tilted me towards him. He touched my face lightly. " Believe me."
He pulled his hand back shortly after Gary arrived.
" He's right Sophia, the letter is mine." He stated.
I took into the account of the situation and looked at them. So Kellan did'nt do it. Was that a feel of relief washing through me?
" Well, I don't have the letter with me any more , I tore it before reading." I looked at Gary's irritated face and felt like giving him a taste of his own medicine." and we are done here Gary." I looked at him with a strong glare , he noded curtly and left.
I moved slowly towards the bench near the window and setteled in. I looked up at Kellan's similing face. He sat beside me leaving no gap between us. The sudden contact was electrifying.
" Do you believe me now ?". He asked , still smiling.
I looked at his face and returned a warm smile.
" Sorry for that." I looked down at my entwinted fingers and started to fumble them over each other.
" No problem."
He continued after a short pause." I want you to know Sophia that I would'nt ever do something like that." His eyes searching for mine.
I looked at his sincere face and something like the very first day clicked in me. My hands were itching to touch his face. He would'nt do something to hurt me. His words echoed repeatedly in my head. Without any delay my hands lifted to stroke his jaw. I felt his short intake of breath , there was a smoldering look in his eyes. My heart thudded louder as I examined our approximity. My hands still lingering bellow his jaw and my heart pounded in my ears. This is wrong , I needed to stop.
I jerked my hand away the very next moment and stood still.
" er...bye..". I found my legs moving faster than normal , away from him.
I was overly satisfied when he did'nt made any move to stop me.
I stared at my back pack longingly.
" What are you doing silly ?". Kylie's voice interupted my packing.
" I'm going back to Seatlle." I stated.
" What ? ! But why ?" . I was'nt in the mood to hear Kylie's panicking voice right now. I sighed irritatedly and threw my shirt on my suitcase.
She looked at me with waiting eyes, I did'nt wanted to tell her, this is something I want to deal with myself.
" I was too fast Kylie, I feel it. I thought changing school , returning to studies after my parent's death was a good solution but I overestimated myself. That's it." I turned around to look at her leaning againt my bedroom door.
" So you're leaving now ?." She asked me.
I sat on my bed throwing my back pack away frustatingly. " I don't know okay, but for now , I need to go away , I will be back , but I need to go away for a while." I placed my head in my palms and closed my eyes.
" Don't be mad Kylie, please."
" Ofcoure I will ! I think I haven't helped you enough." she came to sit beside me.
I lifted my head from my hands and looked at her incrediously. " You're the only one who has helped me here Kylie, don't say that !."
" Not enough Soph, you still prefer to leave me." she looked away.
I sat straight and looked at my ceiling above. " I'm not leaving , I'm jut going away for a while , I promise I'll be back." I looked at my left where she was seated beside me. She did'nt looked convinced enough.
" But what are your reasons?". She asked, her face down , staring at the ground.
I stood up from my bed and started pacing across the room. " I just told you."
" No, I want you to tell me the truth , I deserve to atleast know it than worse , just imagine." She pinned me with her demanding glare.
I stopped pacing and turned my back to her. Here it goes...
" By leaving I will protect myself from someone here, truth is , I'm escaping."
" Is it some one you love ?"
I folded my arms and took a deep breath. " Someone who I don't want to love." I continued after a moment. " I'm going away , not to fall in love.".
" Who is he?" I heard her approaching steps towards me.
She touched my shoulder , as if to calm me down.
" I can't tell you Kylie." I stated , I did'nt wanted to sound rude to her.
" I want to know, I wanna know the person for whom you are ready to waste your entire year." She held my shoulder and pulled me around to look at her.
" I can't tell you Kylie!." I tore my eyes away from hers.
We both were silent for some prolong moments. " This guy, did he said he loves you ?".
" No...but I understood it , in other ways."
" That's it then , Sophia , you can get through this, I'm not letting you go away, you can ignore him to the maximun and he'll understand it , if you won't initiate it , he won't either."
" But Ky-"..
" No ! , that's it , if you really consider me as your friend , then you won't leave." A loud thud of the shutting door screeched in my head as she left.
I threw myself on the bed and covered my ears with the white fluffy pillows. This feeling , I know it , it won't fade , but could time heal it, am I really going to give this feeling some time, did I really wanted this feeling to survive ?
I had a minor headache all day. I was'nt letting my brain rest, batteling for something you don't want your brain to process is hard. I closed my eyes roughly and took in a deep breath before entering the school building.
I grabbed my locker keys and headed towards the bustling corridoor. I was acompained by my new friends I made in arts class earlier. They ranted on about the new projects this year and how excited they were to commence them whilst I just nodded and smiled , processing only my thougths all the way.
I heard some one calling my name. " Yes".
"Are you listening ?.."
" Do you have your name registered for our next project or not." The girl next to me repeated her self.
" No I have'nt, do I need to ?"
" Yes ofcourse ! Go to the staff room , Miss Helen is there , get your name registered plus get your ID card soon, now go ! next class is starting in eight minutes."
I nodded to the red head and went in the opposite direction.
" Miss Helen ? ." I asked before entering the staff room door.
A middle aged lady with sharp specs looked right up to me. She curtly nodded. " yes ?"
" I need to get registered for the landscape project next month , I don't have the ID card either."
" All right , come on in." she waved her hand to me . I stepped front to her desk and waited as she fumbled through some papers on her desk.
I looked around at the vacant looking bronz room , I examined the small row of desks when my eyes suddenly caught Kellan's stare , calmly seated in a black plush chair. I did'nt knew he shared this room with miss Helen.
I had'nt seen him since two days , I stopped attending the history classes completely. He looked even more appealing since the last time I rememebred. My eyes followed his hard facial lines above the apple of his cheek , slowly declining towards his sharp cut shaped jaw which reminded me the lingering feeling of his trimmed beared the last time I touched him. My hand itched to stroke that part again while brushing my thumbs against his lower lip.
His eyes suddenly narrowed , he breathed out , sensing my scrutinizing stare. He shifted a bit in his seat as if containing himself to remain seated. I saw him coping my movement , his eyes making it's way down my neck in a painfuly slow motion, I turned my back to him before letting him continue further.
" Here you go , your ID card , and I have entered your name as well. " Miss Helen handed me my card and I quickly grabbed it fleeing out of the room.
Once outside, the feeling of fresh cold air around me brought me back to my senses. The corridoors were vacant again , signalling that the classes had started. I walked alone , feeling completely lost for the first time in my life, I wanted to scream, sob, yell and cry at the same time.
So much for my determination , I thought again. All my progress goes into vain the moment I see him. I don't remain myself anymore and that was the only feeling I wanted not to feel, the feeling I wanted to deny all the way along , the feeling for which I wanted to run away from, no matter what it has tracked me down. Tracked all of my sane senses in a close knotted pain of desire.
The curiosity had tempted me for long enough. I wanted to run away from this temptation but his heated gaze flickered on and off through my mind , begging me to give him a chance.
This is wrong. This is not fair to me. I don't know how many partners he already had, I just heard about two of them from the student body, though he looks young , he's not of my age , are his interests in me only of those related to desire and if not how long will he drag me with it.
I was loosing my mind, giving a chance to him ? What was wrong with me , what about my reputation , I did'nt wanted to survive my high school years with such a bad history.
I started shivering because of the cold. But his voice, his presence , his aura , everything was so painfully magnetizing. This ache tore me apart completely. I found my legs walking towards my history class. I kept walking and walking until I reached my destination. I stood rooted to the ground outside the class. I stared into the closed door harshly, I took two steps away from the door and setteled my self on the ground , resting my back against the wall.
I heard his voice, I heard him lecturing. I was an emotional mess by then , I closed my eyes to let few tears fall freely. I rested my head against the wall and cried silent tears. I heard a little shuffling of the door handle and took it as a sign of my leaving.
I frantically stood up to fleet into a run as a hand jerked me around harshly and held both of my arms behind me. I had my eyes closed the entire time. I felt him releasing my arms when he was sure I won't run away any more. He placed his hand on my fore arms and brought us closer to each other. Aware of our close approximity I did'nt dare open my eyes.
" We can't go on like this." He nudged me a little and I felt my cheeks becoming wet again.
He cupped my face with hands and removed the moisture off my skin with his thumb while resting his forehead against mine.
" I'm as lost as you." He breathed out , brushing his cheek over mine.
I lifted my lids open as his hand circled around my waist. He lifted my chin up , my lips parted as he leaned down to brush his lightly against mine. His smooth kiss became something more demaning and I gathered all of the wits from my ignited body and pushed him away.
" Don't ." Was all I said with my deadly glare at him. A high pitched sound of ringing bell sunked into my ears as it indicated the end of the class. I turned on my heels and blended out with other students dispersing.
I walked through the corridoors , completely numb, processing in my head what I had done with kellan.
Speak of the devil , I saw him appearing on my side and grabbing my hand. I lifted my hand to him with a questioning look.
" Come with me." He did'nt let me protest as he started to drag me with him, He pushed past few doors and we halted into a spacious room where he let my hand go.
He went towards the door to lock it. Addressing me towards the couch, he went over to sit on a chair right across me. I abruptly laid on the couch and looked up at the wooden ceiling. I crossed my legs over each other and inhaled deeply. From the corner of my eye I saw him resting his entwined hands above his chin , making no movements at all.
I closed my eyes to take in the feeling of the screaming silence between us. I looked at my right, where he was seated in his chair, with the same posture and narrowed eyes. I looked back at the ceiling.
" I don't want to say something to you without caution now." He remained silent, listening to what I had to say to him.
" I say to myself that this is what you liked in me, my fragile being. Imagining that you would not adore me anymore , I can't think of going through it." I looked deeply into his eyes. " I know that we are two persons, two normal persons and that after all we could be together, but how long ?."
I continued after a pause. " If we are just any other two persons , then what will be the duration of our love ? There is no eternal love." He removed his hand away from his chin and leaned to the back of his chair, listenting.
" Not even in bookss." I completed. " So, love , it's for a certain amount of time, it will end some day, there will be no miracle for us , making it everlasting, we are not stronger than others. Our tale will end. I have a feeling, if I will give myself to you , I eventually will be removed , least , starting form the back of your thoughts."
" So you don't trust me , is all." He said while standing up.
I arched my back straight and landed my legs down on the floor. He took short steps and sat on the couch to my left.
" You're handsome, everyone likes you, you know a lot of women and I guess I know two of them through the stories circulated by every one around."
" And like you left them , you'll leave again for some one else." I finished disheartedly. I saw him tense at the left corner of the couch looking down at the floor.
" And I would'nt survive to that , thinking all the time that you might leave me anytime you want." I saw his hands clench from the corner of my eye.
" It's not going to work , Sophia." Calmly he looked at me with an unreadable expression.
He continued. " You won't be able to resist what we have , coz I Know I won't." His eyes searching for mine. " and... I would'nt let you do it." He stated simply.
I looked away from his penetrating gaze and rose from the couch. I unlocked the door and turned the handle.
" See you tomorrow?" His voice interjected from behind.
" No." I turned around to see his discomforted face.
" Not tomorrow, day after tomorrow." I saw the crease on his forhead relax , making his face look much calmer.
" I'll pick you at five." His husky voice sang to me again.
I turned back to the door and left without a word.
Kellan's Point of view.
She had given me a chance. I could'nt believe my stars , this was already happening. I promised my self to make her believe in me, trust me . I would take it slow, step by step , until I'm contented. I will prove her wrong , we can be by each others side till the end and she'll have to accept the fact sooner or later.
I sighed contently while getting dressed up for our meeting.
I waited infront of her building. Tapping my foot impateintly.
All I wanted from her , was to trust me , erase her terrible impression of mine leaving her. If I had been with other women , did'nt meant that she was someone in any way comparable to them. There was no comparison to her. I wanted her to believe that , and she will, I won't leave her with any other option.
I checked my watch again , I had arrived a bit too early. Pacing the footpath back and forth there was and incredulous smile on my face all along.
Time passed, dawn overcame the day followed by the dark sky of night. I was tired of the waiting, I sat on the far edge of the foot path and pulled out my cell phone.
After few rings a voice chirpped. " Hi, Kylie here."
" Hi, isn't this sophia's number?." I asked.
" Err, yes , whos this?"
" Kellan, I had a date with her at five, I have been waiting for her since two hours, do you know where she is, I'm a bit worried " She hesitated for a moment.
" I , emm, hold on , I'll come downstairs." With that she hung up. I stood up and made my way towards the entrance of the building.
Kylie mde her way out of the glass door and stood still infront of me.
" Hi Kylie."
" Hello Mr. Kellan. Sophia is gone since yesterday afternoon." I looked at her skeptically.
" She's gone ...where is she gone ?" . I asked her imapteintlly.
" I can't tell you... she's gone far, she said that you should'nt wait for her and that she does'nt wants to hear from you again." She completed the sentence with a low voice.
I stood there rooted to the ground staring with a straight face, processing my brain with what she has said.
I managed to kick my self back to posture. " Thank you Kylie, go inside, you'll catch cold." She nodded and disappered into building.
" Gone. " I breathed out. A tremendous rippling pain shot through my chest as I started walking away from her building.
" Gone . " I said it again , forcing my self to believe that she has actually left.
Shoving my hand in my pocket I took out a cigerette and lit it with trmebling hands. I took a strong puff to subsidize my pain and make it fade away. It did'nt work, no drug could work to fade it away.
My lips started to tremble and my eyes covered with a thin layer of moisture. I had broken many hearts , and for the first time I came to know how it actually felt to have a broken heart.
~ End ~