what the helsinki is this? it started out as a vent and it turned into this. ugh. fit the theme, so i added it here.

::

i have a ton of
work to do,
weight on my shoulders,
and i only waste my time
sitting at a computer -
writing lost nothings a fairy
whispered in my ear when i
was drowning in the desert
sand, hallucinating of gods and empires and
things you'll never reach but ambition forces you to try.

i was never very good at
priorities, (was i ever good at
all? the fairy says 'no'
and she sees better than i do, but)
that's how i lost you, lost
you, mister with those eyes (you think they're green;
they're not, but i like make-believe too, y'know)
i lost you - albeit you're sitting next to me
and holding my hand (barely holding it, but
we're still touching and you still put your hand on
my shoulder last year moments before you were supposed to) -
to that lizard-faced common whore
(as i sit, blinded by the sun and still melting, drowning,
the fairy whispers 'no', and something about you caring, &
although i think she's a liar,
she sees better than i do.)