I'm always fighting the same battle.

"Did you see her face?"

They were laughing so hard, mocking
me with his beautiful T-shirt, killing
me with his similarity to the things I see on television.
I still can't bear to be seen as weak, walking away
slowly and avoiding familiar faces through
my tear-stained eyes.

It's really not a big deal, like I tell myself
through two different layers of water in the shower,
but somehow I can't grow up
and face the things right in front of me.
And without my stupid childlike manner,
anyone would get over it,
so I'm wondering but I don't like to make a scene.

I can never tell anyone, I can never
avoid it, and I can never get rid of it.

Lest I get rid of myself.