two cents worth. – confession

of craziness and unicorns.


"What a juvenile way of flirting, son. You have to be aggressive. Roar!"


"I said, ROAR!"


"I give up."


"-go out with me?"

"Wait, what?"

"Would you please go out with me?"

"I'm sorry, I'm stuffing myself with spaghetti, I'm so sorry, what's your name again?"


"I will blast their heads of someday and kick them in their crotches, I swear. I'm sick of this Valentine's stuff."

"But it's magical~!"

"Yeah, with sparkles and rainbows and whatnot."

"And unicorns~!"


"And you thought I was ridiculous."


"…I think I like her."

"Then confess, dummy!"


"Like in the movies-"

"I don't want to hear about your movies."

"Like in songs-"

"I don't want to hear about your songs."

"Then how'd you expect me to teach you!"

"By teaching me?"

"So first, you get down on one knee…"

"I'm not proposing to her, idiot."

"…Oh, right."




"I said, practice."

"What if someone catches us?"

"It doesn't matter, just do it."

"Oh Jasper, for you the angels weep, for your beauty surpasses those of the stars-ow, what was that book for-Janice?"

"You guys are gay?"

"No, no, don't get it wrong, it's not like I look through his pink, frilly underwear drawer or anything-"

"I knew it~!"

"I told you someone would catch us."


"I have enough chocolates and roses to last me a lifetime."

"You could donate some to the Feed El foundation here~"

"No way."



"Pretty please?"


"Pretty, pretty please with a unicorn on top?"

"Just a few…"


"Plan B in the love manual-"

"What love manual."

"My love manual. As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, Plan B in the love manual is to get her flowers!"

"But she has tons. And I'm allergic."

"Teddy bears?"

"But she has tons. And I'm allergic."


"But she has tons. And I'm allergic."

"So what does she not have tons of and you're not allergic of?"

"Uh. Manliness?"

"Oh my god."


"I will not read these cards."


"I will not eat this chocolate."


"I will not keep these flowers."


"Would you donate them to the Feed El foundation?"

"…Not again."


"I think I should get her a llama."

"She doesn't like llamas."

"A unicorn?"

"But you're dead broke!"

"So exotic pets isn't the answer."

"Was it ever? Anyway, girls like stuff you do by yourself. Like a homemade card, baking, and stuff like that."


"Try that."


"Batch 77, ready for testing~!"

"Please tell me you didn't add poison this time."

"I'm pretty sure I didn't."

"No laxatives? I don't want to run to the toilet for the forty-eighth time."




"It's pretty good."


"Oh shit, forty-eighth toilet trip."



"Who's there?"


"Oh, hi."

"This is awkward."


"So um. Cookies?"

And he got down on one knee.

"Janice, would you, um,-"

"Marry you?"

"No, uh,-"





"I told you son, aggressive is key."

"I warned you mum, shut up about it."

"Put down that rock, you little- Do you want my beautiful, beautiful face to be disfigured? Again?"


"You little-"