Spiral Chapter Five – Aunt Aylean's Part Two of Three

After that day Aunt Aylean started taking more and more interest in me. She made sure I started going back to school. Whenever I didn't show up for school she would yell at me and slap me. If I got a bad grade she would light one of her cigarettes and then put it out on my arm and then light it again and do the same thing until it was completely used up. And if she ever saw me come home from a night of binge drinking she went crazy. She would yell at me, whip me with her belt, and sometimes she would wrap the belt around my neck and choke me. Those were the nights I would cut myself. Mostly thighs, but I moved up to my chest and arms too. Then I would crawl into bed and wait for that same something to come. I still didn't know what it was I was waiting for.

This particular day was really bad. Well, most days at my Aunt's house were pretty bad, but this one was different. The night before I came home from a binge and Aunt Aylean was waiting right at the front door for me. She started yelling before we even got inside. She seemed really eager to get it started that time. She pushed me inside and slammed the front door shut. We yelled for a couple hours. Then the hitting began. She slapped me. Then she does it again, but harder. That turned into punching. She knew I wouldn't hit her back, if there's one thing in the world I won't do its hit a woman, so she just kept going and going until I was on the floor. Half-conscious.

I always liked being in that state. You know something's going on around you, but you don't know what or where it's coming from. Also, it feels like something's pulling you deeper into sleep. Deeper into the dark. Like your life is fading away. You have a clear mind. It's blissful. The only other time I felt like this was when I was about to pass out from drinking too much.

As I lied on the floor I could hear her moving. Eventually she crouched next to me and said something like "This'll hurt you way more than it'll hurt me" and then I could feel something hot on my cheek. I tried to move, but she forced my body still with a quick knee to the groin. The heat disappeared and I felt relieved, but it came back again almost as quickly as it went away. It happened again, but in other spots like my arm and chest. Then something weird happened. She licked my face. She slapped me again and then gropes me. I sub-consciously tried to push her away, but she forced my arms apart and punched me in the gut. Then everything goes blank.

I woke up with my entire body hurting. I was still on the floor. My shirt was ripped and pants stained. I tried to recall what happened the night before and I put two and two together. I freaked out and ran out of the house. I knew she took joy from hurting me, but I didn't think she enjoyed it like that. I went to see Trevor. He knew what to do. He always knew what to do. That was one reason he was my best friend. I could rely on him for answers or guidance. When I found him I told him what happened and he gave me a bottle of whisky and he said I could crash with him at Cindy's. I took him up on that offer. Cindy was cool with it as long as I didn't burn the place down.

It wouldn't be the first time her place was burned down. That tends to happen when you break up with someone when having sex with their Dad. She's also lost her only car when she said to this guy that she was only with him so she could use his money, and so he stole the car, that he bought her, and drove it into a river.

Anyway, I just had to get a couple things from my room. So I went back home. When I got there I went through the back door. If she was there she'd most likely be waiting for me at the front door or the living room. I was glad I opened the door quietly though because Aunt Aylean was passed out on the floor without pants and a cigarette in her left hand. I tip-toed around her and went upstairs. I grabbed my things, spare clothes, a photo of Mom, and my knife, and went out the front door this time.

On my way to Cindy's I ran into Karl. So I got a thank you gift for Cindy and Trev, a bottle of good vodka, and a little something for me. That night I didn't sleep. I thought about what might've happened when I blacked out the night before. I was afraid to go back. It was starting to get weird. I could handle the physical abuse, but not what she did last night. That was too far. It was too much… But I would have to go back tomorrow. Like I said, I don't like couch surfing and I could hear sex noises coming from Cindy's room. I just had to stay out of Aunt Aylean's way. Sneak up to my room from the back. Maybe that would work. Or I could just get so drunk I won't remember anything. That sounded like a better idea. I lied down on the couch, looked at the clock and once again waited for that something to come.

The next day I went back home, through the back door, and I tried going to my room, but Aunt Aylean was waiting for me. She was smiling. She didn't do anything though. She just looked at me like "You know what happened and it will happen again". I cautiously walked past her and into my room. I went straight for the dresser and took out my knife. I sat at the foot of my bed. I took of my shirt and just made one deep cut from left to right. Then I curled into a ball and cried. I waited for that something to come and I finally realized what it was.

I was waiting for death.