I sit. That's a simple enough thing to do. Quite simple really sitting is. The thoughts however, those ain't so simple thoughts. Oh. I think., Sorry, I forgot to put that down. See, I've been seeing this shrink, and he told me to write down everything that I do. Like a diary as such. So, here I am, writing down everything I'm doing. The first thing I wrote was; I woke. It's made me realise how much I do every day. Also how boring my life is. Wow, that shrink must be doing his magic. That's how I've always thought of it; magic. Unscrambling people's minds n' all that. I'm still waiting for him to find the reason for why I'm seeing him thought, so then he can tell me. I don't understand why. They all say I should tough. They don't force me, but they say it will be good for me. I'm yet to agree. I disagree. There's another.
When they suggested it to me I had a right mind to go off my rocket. Or is it rocket? Whatever, I had a right mind to go off something. But I just say there, all calm like, and asked them why. They looked as if it was obvious, but when they explained I still had no clue. So went along and asked this shrink, and he just asked me why I thought I was there. I told him that he was meant to be telling me things, not the other way around. He ended up telling me the same as they did. Not much use.
I got on the bus. Oh dammit, I forgot; I got up, and; I walked. That's where I'm going right now, to see this shrink. Oh, look that, I'm here. I get here.
He's sitting in his chair when I walk in. He smiles, motions to a seat, offers me a drink. I smile, take the seat, shake my head.
'How have you been?' he asked.
'Have you been writing?'
I hand him my book.
He nods as he flips through it. 'Why don't you write your thoughts?'
'Those are my thoughts.'
'I sit. These are your actions.'
'I think those things before I do them. They're my thoughts.'
'What about the things in-between.'
'I don't think much then.' I shrugged. There's a curse if you lie to a shrink.
'Why don't you start writing them down. You'd be surprised.' He hands back the book.
'Why am I here?'
He looks at me, just like the time before. 'I thought you understood why.'
'They say it could happen again. That just a little push could do it.'
He won't stop looking at me, staring at me. Why won't he stop.
'What could happen again?' Why won't his eyes leave me? I can hear his fingers drumming, though I can't see them moving.
'I don't know, I don't know what I did wrong.' They sat it was wrong, that I had no reason. I don't understand how it was wrong, I weren't ever gonna hurt anyone. I never did. Where's that pen; I never did.
'I'm sure you know, you have no reason to hide it, or hide behind it.'
'I don't understand how it could be wrong.'
He sighed, and I knew he was going to explain. I caught little of what he said, something about pills and vodka, too much. I was thinking about other stuff though. How far the open window was from the ground.