Admittance is terrifying,
Knowing
That you feel what you wish
Would stay locked away.
Like sweet rose water
The memories seep into my skin
At every chance.
I relive each one
But the happy feel of the scene
Has turned bitter and cold.
Like a wave, they suffocate me,
Breaking my vision.
The happiness I felt,
It means nothing now.
It cannot even pretend to be unreal.

The way I moved
When I was near you,
How I felt you in every nerve on my skin,
The words you said to me
That you swore were true.
Anger sweeps through me,
But not before the paralyzing sadness.
I have to pretend that I have forgotten
Because it's how I will forget.
Still
The salt water rivers will run
Regardless of the dams
Made to stop them.
Still
The memories will attack me
Because I let them,
For that one reminder
Of what happiness is.

Admittance is chaos
Of the past and it's pain.
I can't admit that those moments,
Those bitterly happy moments,
Mean more to me than life
Because you saved me from fate
That surely would have killed me.
I can't admit that the darkness
Was within months of stealing me away
Because those secrets
Were yours to protect.

My secrets
That I gave to you willingly.

Don't lie to me, Angel.
You're mask isn't as believable as you think.
Don't ignore me, Angel.
I'm already as broken as I can be.
Don't hate me, Angel.
Because if you do, i'll have nothing left
And I can't go back to the darkness
That is ever waiting.

Admittance is closure
That I don't want to find.
I need this thread
Of memories and pain
To stay sane,
To realize I'm still alive.
If you take this away from me,
I am nothing.
You were my everything,

That is my admittance, in which I will drown.