i'm starting to have trouble saying certain words like fine and okay and good how are you, i'm great, i study them as if they have meaning yet i can't acknowledge them out loud. maybe this is a sign that i am changing and maybe it isn't, sometimes i feel as if my name holds a weight too heavy to be pronounced, when people say it i hear the letters and not the sound, similar to the intake and release of a breath, except different, forced. the shadows stretch long on the walls, fingernails chipping at the once-white paint of a windowsill that has now turned an off-shade of cream, dusk dissipating, i am afraid i am becoming hesitant.