(Setting: A large foyer, stairs going up center stage. Two doors, on either side of the stairs, are slightly ajar, and a small table is at one side of stage. On this table is a bowl of flowers. A large carpet dominates most of the floor. An angry angel- FELICETIE in Ascended Form- is staring psychotically at CANDACE, who appears to be unconscious. Enter MERIS, WILL, IZZY, and CORINNE.)

WILL: Oh, my God. Candace!

MERIS: Izzy, Corinne, you try to sneak around to the back. If you can even yank out one of the longer feathers, that should mess up her flight. Will, try and get Candace out of the room- if she kills Candace we're done for. I'm going to try to distract her.

CORINNE: No way. That's much too dangerous. You can't.

MERIS: Suggest something better, then, why don't you!?

CORINNE: We have guns.

MERIS (sheepishly): Oh. Um, good point. Do you think you can shoot some of the feathers off?

IZZY: I'm allergic to feath- ah-choo!

MERIS: Dammit, just do as I say for once. Move. Now. If Candace dies then we're absolutely toast.

(Izzy, Corinne, and Will move off to try and perform their assigned tasks. Meris steels herself for what she thinks must inevitably be a suicide mission.)

MERIS (to herself): Here goes, then.

(Meris rushes toward the angel, who is unfortunately unfazed. Undaunted, Meris elects to whack it with the chain I'm sure you've all forgotten that AMSEG members carry in their uniforms. This infuriates her.)


MERIS: Um, okay… er, it's kind of my job… sorry?


Candace blinked. "Ooh. I was kind of afraid of that. See, I had this whole thing going on where Meris and Erica go on to become art thieves and that won't work if they die. Oh, good, the narrative's back."

This went unnoticed, as Felicetie was now attempting to bludgeon Meris to death with a vase. Candace shrieked and passed briefly back into unconsciousness.

IZZY: MERIS (throws a punch at Felicetie.)

Corinne looked up from aiming her pistol just in time to witness Felicetie's attentions transferred to "IZZY!"

Candace blinked again. "Oh, dear. I feel so ineffective."

Suddenly a gunshot rang out. Everyone looked at Will- Meris, Izzy, Corinne, Candace, and Felicetie- and he cringed. "What? It seemed reasonable."

Suddenly Meris had an idea. "You control this whole thing!" she shrieked at Candace angrily while Felicetie dodged three more of Will's bullets. "You could get us out of this!"

"No I can't." Candace replied calmly. "This has never happened before. You've become people."


"No, you weren't. controlled you. I could have made you all jump into the Nile. If I wanted to- obviously I didn't."


"I CAN'T, YOU IDIOT!" Candace bellowed. "You've become people. I can't control you anymore. This is beyond me. She's the Goddess of the Sues. I overstepped my boundaries. As an abbess I can do no harm. I momentarily forgot this and went on to flame Felicetie. My authorship has been revoked and I no longer have power here."

"PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" Felicetie ordered loudly, giving up on swooping ineffectually at Izzy and materializing six more katanas.

"Right. Meris, please give me your knife." Candace stood suddenly, a malicious gleam in her eye. Meris flinched, this being unprecedented.

"Okay, now you're having a psychotic breakdown so legally I can't sanction your being in possession of a weapon-"

"Just give me the knife."

The words were uttered calmly, casually; but, looking at the expression on Candace's face, Meris thought it best not to argue.

She regretted this when Candace stormed towards the crying angel in the center of the room and proceeded to hack its wings off, because the effect of this was the angel whirling around to face the young authoress and sticking a katana into her.

AN. In explanation, while Candace was no longer the author she was still the creator of that universe and once she died it died with her.

Sorry. It occurred to me and I had to put it down. It sucks. I know. I did the best I could.