Chapter Title: Obsessive Gay Outfitting

Author: NoChristmasJokesPlz

Genre: Humor/Romance

Rating: T for swearing and minor BL (just some smooching— calm the fuck down, people) in later chapters.

Warnings: Contains BL and preslash! :D Enjoy the gayness! May contain some derogatory views towards lesbians from Kenny. DOES NOT REFLECT MY OWN VIEWS.

Summary: "He's so perfect Sasha. Like, angel perfect. He's a beautiful, blond, gay angel, sent from the Homo Heaven to make my life complete!" Dating is not Kenny's forte by any means. He's romantically stunted, awkward, and he's only dated people too ditzy to really notice how awkward he really is. How is he supposed to survive a date with a gorgeous med student?

The characters, plot, and even the location are of my own creation, so no using without my permission! :D Happy slashing!


Kendall Erasmus Adelais had never been so nervous in his life. He'd never been so anxious and eager and excited. He was so anxious and excited that, more than once during the week, he had attempted to call Sam to either postpone their date (that was the anxiety kicking in) or to reschedule it for a closer date. Of course, they were just that, attempts, and Kendall never got further than the first two digits of the pretty blond's number before he slammed the phone back down and hurried away before he could do something stupid.

He spent the entire week torn between elation, crippling nerves, and irrational anger (at what, he wasn't entirely sure, but he was pretty good at irrational anger when the situation called for it), and he tore his bedroom apart, put it back together, and tore it apart again searching for a suitable outfit, a suitable cologne (if he would wear one at all; he didn't want to appear desperate), and a suitable hat (because his hair was mirroring his nerves, apparently, and sticking up at odd angles no matter how much he tried to do something with it), and came up just short of what he wanted every time. He wasn't even sure what he wanted. What would Sam like? Did he like the bummy, grunge-chic look? Neat, preppy, and intellectual? Carefree? Kenny was tearing his hair out stressing over it!

"I've never seen you so worked up before, Kenny," his tiny little brother giggled from the doorway. The petite fifteen-year-old was dressed in an oversized button-down that had once belonged to their father and a pair of knee-length drawstring shorts, as well as a pair of fuzzy knit boots complete with colorful little pom-poms. His shaggy hair was held back by a patterned bandana, and his glasses were slipping down his nose. He pushed them up with a finger and stepped into his brother's disaster area of a room, wrinkling his nose. "You know, you really should clean up in here."

Kenny ignored him beyond a short, distracted, "Oh, hey, Sasha," and kept digging through a pile of clothes on the bed. He wasn't sure if they were clean, dirty, or a mix of both, but he could always toss them in the washer and put them up for his date.

"Helloooo?" Sasha prodded, sidling over to poke his brother in the back of the head, "Kenny? What's wrong with you?"

Kenny turned at last, raking back his hair with a frustrated grunt, before beaming as his eyes landed on his little brother, brightening as if he'd just noticed that the younger teen was there. "Sasha! Just the little guy I wanted to see!" He grabbed the boy by his shoulders and steered him towards the closet. "Sasha, Sasha-baby, sweet little Birdie-bird, my favorite little brother-"

"Your only little brother," Sasha interjected.

"Whatever! Okay, you're good at putting together outfits, right?" He didn't wait for his little brother to answer, but plowed on, "Good! So, say someone had a date this weekend, with a drop-dead gorgeous med student from that awful art class his mom and brother made him take, and he has no idea what to wear!"

Sasha snorted. "You're freaking out this much over an outfit? You are so gay."

Kenny glared, flicking his little brother's forehead. "Hey, I don't wanna hear that crap from you, Mister Hello Kitty Wristwatch." Sasha turned vivid red and smacked his brother's arm.

"Shut up! It was a gift!"

The pink-haired teen gave the small brunet a droll look. "I'd ask for the receipt if I were you. SO! ANYWAY. Back to my problem. I need help putting together an outfit for this date! Sam is so cute, and smart, and… and… Classy! I'm not used to classy guys! I'm used to the ones that just laugh at whatever stupid shit tumbles out of my mouth!"

Sasha snickered. "Yeah, like Tommy? Oh my god, he made you look like a genius."

Kendall shook his little brother by the shoulders. "My braindead ex-boyfriends are not important right now! I need help!"

The slim boy looked startled by his older brother's unfeigned desperation, and gave an approving little whistle. "Wow, Ken, you're really serious about this."

"So serious I feel like dyeing my hair black again. He's so perfect Sasha. Like, angel perfect. He's a beautiful, blond, gay angel, sent from the Homo Heaven to make my life complete!"

Sasha gagged. "Homo Heaven? Kenny, what have you been smoking?" When the older boy didn't laugh, the smaller gave in. "Okay, fine. I'll help. So, do you remember what he was wearing? Maybe I can put something together based on what he wears."

Kendall answered without hesitation. "Light-wash, designer blue jeans, grey Chucks, and a cream sweater over a polo shirt. Oh, and one of those cute little knit beret-looking things." He received a very odd look. "What?"

The younger shivered. "Okay, I'm going to forget how creepy and obsessive that was that you didn't even have to think about that and continue. He sounds like your classic rich boy scholar, but not the cocky kind. He'll be used to dating preppy guys. But you have pink hair, so it's obvious he's not looking for that in you. So, just wear what you want to wear. Be you. It's pretty simple."

Kenny glowered. "I hate you for being so right and making me look stupid. Just go pick out my outfit like Mom would do!"

Sasha sighed and rolled his eyes, but diligently set to work.


SO HEY. Since I have no idea where I'm going with this right now, I'm just going to post this in chapters as I figure out what the hell to do. XD I'm hopeless, I know, but at least I'm trying! 8D