If At All, Then Nothing

I see nothing before me. Just a blank staring void of a mirror. Actually, it isn't a void but it seems like it. Because there is nothing. Just the shiny reflective surface of the mirror.

I know you might say I'm a vampire or monster or something, but I ponder if I really exist. I've been here my whole life, just waiting for something, like maybe a door, or even something other than the mirror, so I could reach out and touch it, see if I have a body, or arms...

Come to think of it, I've never tried to turn around... I haven't seen what's on the other side of the world that I'm in. That's kinda sad. Maybe I should try it sometime. Or maybe not.

I haven't even tried to talk or use any of the given senses that all people have. Maybe I'm not human. Maybe that's why I haven't ever talked or smelled or touched.

I try to turn around, but I can't. My body is just here. No moving. Nothing. I feel nothing. Maybe I should feel sad...

I tried to feel sad but I'm not capable of emotion. Maybe that's why I'm not bored. Maybe that's why I'm not hungry. Maybe that's why I'm so stupid.

I don't even know what I look like! Or how long 'my whole life' is... Maybe if I tried looking down. Maybe if I stopped saying 'maybe' so much. Actually I'm not saying any of this at all... Mirror. Nothing. Myself. That is it.

I tried to speak. It worked.

"Hello?"

That's it. I don't say anything else. No one is there. Why should I try...? Maybe there are others out there who didn't realize they could talk... Maybe not... I barely whispered it anyway...

"Is there anyone there?"

That was my feeble attempt at shouting. I can't shout... Maybe they can't hear me. Maybe I need to talk louder...

Suddenly I hear it. A small voice that says:

"Is there anyone there?"

I suddenly jump. Well, not really. I can't move remember? I laugh at my stupidity.

I hear a laugh from the other. Maybe there are more of them. Maybe they have something other than a mirror. Maybe they know what they are. Who they are...

I feel a slight breeze. That's new. I think. Maybe not. I can't remember. Oh well...

I feel nothing now. I miss that breeze. How do I know that word? The others haven't said anything else yet. I miss them... I call out to them:

"Where are you?"

They call back:

"Where are YOU...?"

I sigh. I didn't know I could sigh. I've never done it before. Hmm...

I look at the mirror. There is still nothing. Am I really here? Or am I there? Maybe I don't even exist. But then how would the others talk to me? I don't know...

I notice that the mirror is changing. It's a sorta pink colour. And now it's going blue. Now purple. Now chartreuse. How do I know those colours? I've never seen them before.

Maybe I should be scared; If not for my inability for emotion. Mirrors shouldn't be able to change colour. I think...

I see someone. But they're in the mirror. I call to them:

"Hello?"

Nothing for a moment. Then:

"Hello..."

I smile. That must mean I have a body! I'm getting smarter by the minute.

I look closer at the person in the mirror. They don't look like a human. Or maybe they do. I've never seen one.

I can hear the music in the background. When did that get here? I look around, discovering how to do such a thing. There is nothing.

I look down. Nothing. Maybe I'm a spirit. Maybe I'm imagining things. Maybe I'm dead. But I'm probably a human. Somehow.

I stand up and immediately collapse. I forgot I don't know how to stand. I forgot I don't know how to support myself. I forgot.

I push myself up with my invisible hands. Maybe they're not hands. Maybe they're spirit... stuff. Maybe they're just air.

I realize I have a headache. It doesn't feel good. That's how I came up with the word. I combined head, where it doesn't feel good, and ache, which is how it feels. I'm so smart. I smile again.

I sit up again. I still see nothing. Even though I now in a different position. There is nothing.

I realize there is a chair. I was sitting on a chair, yet I didn't know it. Maybe I'm coloured white.

I still hear the music. It's kind of creepy. What's creepy? I don't know...

I forgot to call out to the others.

"Are you still there?"

I hear nothing. No answer, no question, nothing. I suddenly feel lonely. I want something. Something to hug and make me feel wanted.

I look around and see nothing still. Just nothing. I realize it's not even white. Just nothing. I blink. For the first time in hundreds of years, I blink.

I look back up at the mirror. It's like a little opening to a little world, but it's only to one thing. I try to reach up and touch it, but I still don't have hands.

Maybe I don't exist. I breathe out and find I don't hear my breath. I close my eyes and find nothing changes. I open my mouth and find I taste nothing. Nothing.

Something, anything will do. I just need a little kitten to cuddle, and to hug and to live with. I feel nothing, and it doesn't feel good.

I call out one last time; see if there is anyone there. Nothing. Mirror. Chair. Me. Nothing. Still.

I can feel the breeze again. But there is still nothing. Not even the breeze that is there. I ponder that statement. It makes me sad. There never will be anything.

I feel tears splash onto my clothes.

~Shilo Burbans