One of the biggest realizations I've had in my life is that-Everyone NEEDS love. Try to ignore it, try to laugh about it, try to avoid it, but this IS the truth. And the sooner people realize it; the lesser hurt will be left in this world. Love- Four letters but a thousand meanings. For me love means affection and devotion. These are but the basis on which love is built. Friends and family; from whom we desire nothing but love. We want them to love us as we love them; we want them to be committed to us as we are committed to them. This is as simple as it gets. Anything unbalanced just lead to misunderstandings.
Expectations lead to misery. Another essential realization in life. For me both the realizations are, somehow in their uncanny ways, connected. I needed love, I expected it, and it led to misery. As I read the last line I just typed, I think-Wow, it explains it all in just a sentence. Etched between so many other sentences, lost, forgotten, like a large chunk of my soul. It all begins with misunderstandings. It all begins with juvenility. It all begins with love. Hence, love leads to misery too, doesn't it? My faith in love is, of course, long since vanished. And I didn't even NEED a lover for that, my friends were enough. Could I really call them "friends" is, now, the question in my head. Some part of me says- but of course, was it their fault that they couldn't love you back as much as you loved them? It never was! It was always your mistake, your gullibility to be led astray. YOU were always NEEDY, and that and ONLY that are causing you ALL this misery! Some part of me hastily denies these accusations and says-Why would it be my fault when they were always so sweet, so loving, and then when you needed them the most they were never the ones who came forward to help.
I've always tried to be strong. As strong as I could be. But sometimes life takes its toll on you. You just split and there's hardly anything you can do about it. I hate making myself so WEAK! So vulnerable! It's just not me! Not a part of who I really am. Not someone I want to be. But nevertheless I am this- Some big fat drag who goes on and on about how life's so unreasonable.