I just stared at their leaving figures
inches away from me, yet I couldn't reach.
Like back in the times when I had no self-esteem,
my shivering, trembling fingers didn't listen.
My head tilted downwards, my eyes as well-
just listening on to their conversations as they left.
I couldn't join them, my once-hurt self couldn't forget,
the trust others mistreated, the ruined 'I believe's.
It's something I can't get back anymore,
I just want to go back to the times
when I could smile and laugh happily while feeling
really at home, like a whole big family
without being insulted now or then and
there wouldn't be a need for me to learn
how to defend myself properly.
Even though I wanted to be strong for you,
wanted to hide all my tears behind this already-breaking smile.
You were the only one who changed me,
I just wanted to see a smile on your face because of
what I've done and you'd feel proud.
That's probably the only thing I wanted,
but now I've strayed too far from the path,
adding on to the guilt I felt.
Just remains lingering on,
the dusty evening breeze upon my cheeks
as I'm deemed a liar and hypocrite now and always:
all I ever did was just to see a simple smile on you-
You, who I've loved with my all.