Coffin dodgers

Chapter one

Where is the safest place to hide from a zombie attack?

The living room

I heard 2 thing drop that day, 1 was Sophie's intelligence level, the second thing, now that was the important one. The second thing to drop was the bread prices at Tesco.

The Tesco I knew had changed! It was now esco. The T has decided to sheath itself inside a poor zombies head. As I am a motivational person I am compelled to look on the bright side and note that at least now it wasn't entirely empty. As I walked towards the automatic door of the now esco I felt somewhat rejected when it didn't open. Though it was probably because the electricity stopped flowing three days ago but still it could have gone against the laws of science and opened. As I walked into esco,s it was surprisingly empty. Apart from the bodies, well mostly body parts that were scattered on the ground (most of which were the parts of OAPs) but unfortunately there wasn't much difference in looks all still prune like. Weird.

Esco was empty too empty. Totally expecting a zombie to jump out of one of the surrounding displays (particularly the suspicious looking toilet roll display that looked like it would make a great castle) I stealthily reached for my phone and started to play my zombie butt kicking theme song. As the music started to play so did the groaning as the previously thought dead OAPs started to clamber from the floor, joining them other zombies popped out of displays. LIKE DAISYS! To my surprise non of them came out of the toilet roll display and I instantly regretted leaving a perfectly good pile of toilet rolls in a pile and not some epic castle, though I don't think it would protect me very well.

As they came closer I noticed one of oaps had a dog. A small zombie yorkie that was still attached to its lead and was dragging a dismembered hand behind it as it slowly pulled it self towards me. (Remember children dogs are for the after life not just for Christmas.) As the lyrics started to echo through the huge zombie infested esco I began my well thought out and strategized plan. I hit the zombie and wait for it ….wait for it ….. Survive yaaay genius child.

Putting my plan into action I lashed out in random directions whilst singing to the theme song. Walking on sunshine echoed through the zombiefested esco as I unleashed my £10 worth of kickboxing knowledge on their poor unexpecting undead souls. Unfortunately because I only stayed for 2 lessons my kickboxing knowledge was somewhat limited and I had learnt from previous similar experiences that zombies don't shake back so this super annoying fact made my lessons unusable. So that is what lead me to my current situation of hitting zombies on the fods with a giant stick of French bread I had grabbed from a nearby counter (well bread prices had dropped).i would like to say it was an ideal weapon to suit my situation but because it was mouldy and because I was hungry it broke and "mysteriously" disappeared before all the zombies had felt the defeating poke from my giant piece bread.