Sins

Sins, about a past you are not prod of I will continue later on or maybe never I don't know if I have any thing to look forward to I mean I have goals but…..what if? What if there is more to it, this though pulls me back every now and then I don't trust love every thing is fake, from a caste kiss to a hug, you are fake so am I, my writings are depressing even for my self but I have no choice, pile them together and then what?

I am one of those lost and forgotten; no matter how much you try it's just not enough. This life is boredom, money is no problem and nor is pasture the thing driving me insane is, well maybe I don't have answer to that or maybe I do, I just want to kick my worries away and for once confide in another soul with a believe they wont betray me, but every time I try to step up I hold back, there is no way I can trust a shadow now, what if every thing is fake, besides god every one is…well demons.

Those who protest, look around you is there an escape or maybe I am too hidden I don't know what I am saying; you try to hide behind the curtains but hiding from what? Scared to show up, why? Even when you can fight you appear to be a china doll, why? Is there even a point in scraping this? I mean what is this life a test? With everything from family to friends if I am completes then why do I feel so empty? As if this is not what I want, there has to be more, more to it then lifeless greetings, books or distraction? A question appearing every now and then, I mean is there a point in even revealing my true self when I as much as even don't know who I am? More like what am I? What purpose do I serve? Why does it matters to others if I live or die, but suicide is not an answer, it's a gate of escape, I want to fight but I don't have a weapon, what's the point in saying this I have lost I should just shut up and accept my defeat but? …..that but stopping me, telling me not to, there has to be something anything, I mean if its possible for others then why not me? maybe I am too vurnable or too self observed to seek help, too lost in my own thoughts to see where I stand is not a shore but edge of a cliff, day by day I am getting more quieter some one cooped up in the corner hiding behind a book I may have no intention to read, this is nothing I pictured, there has TO BE AN ANSWER BUT MAYBE NO THERE ARE SOMETHINGS AS MYSTRY, I SUPPOSE NO OR YES, TANGLED UP AND CONFUSED I CAN GO ON FOR EVER IF I WANT BUT WHAT IF? THERE COMES THE QUESTION AGAIN WHAT IS IT THAT I FEAR A HOLLOW? WHAT IS IT that lies ahead, what am I doing? Is there a thing I should say? Sarcasm something so common now, I have to go on, somehow, not falling for any traps but to go on how? Strikes an other shadow, well maybe yes or no? Right or wrong? Point less, point less and stupid I have lost my mind, maybe my birth was a mistake, pointless I am nothing but a faint shadow cast by the brightly lit fire, I don't exist I am nothing but ashes, nothing but a badly written script or a painting you never understand but I don't even want you to know me, no never, no one can cross boundaries but then this whole limit I put up is casting me crazy, I want to break free yet no, for once in a while maybe do something I want, but no I don't have time nor energy I don't know who I am? Or why I wrote this, there is no point in ….and so the story remains untold as its too tangled for words to describe.