Double Ex

What ifs are stupid

And pointless


Even more than that


I don't want this cycle to start again

What if it all works out

What if I get swept up again

What if there's no one to stop me

I don't want it now

And I don't want it ever

But I've said that before

And I know

Trusting myself to follow my rules

Isn't an option

Need someone else

Another person

Though one who is neutral

And can keep the what ifs at bay

I neither want nor need him

I've said it before and I'll say it again

I can be just friends

But I've said that before

It's hard to erase old memories

Harder still to just keep them away

Every little thing brings back

Another day

Another week

Another time

Time that means nothing now

And should continue to mean nothing forever

I don't want him

And I don't need him

And maybe this time it'll work

Even as his voice drips honey

And his actions are laced with something sweet

In the end they'll get to me like cyanide

And bring me down just as quick