I smile to myself

When I think about you

Small, covered with my hand

Because I don't want you to know

Not yet

Maybe not ever


In my head

You are mine

And we can hold hands as we please

I don't have to walk next to you

Aching to loop our arms together

Don't have to fake a response

To something you said

While I was distracted

Considering the possibilities

Wondering what would happen if I just

Kissed you now

In front of all these people

Friends and strangers both

People who either wouldn't mind or don't matter

Wondering how you'd react

Push me away?

Run off?

Stop and stare?

Or maybe…

Kiss back?

But I'd never do it

So I just laugh like I know what joke you just told

Nod in all the right places because of course I was paying attention

Hold my arms a little closer so I don't reach out

And be the friend I know you want me to be