Vex, a middle-aged tailor who became an assassin.

Gary, in his middle twenties, born in Kuz and raised by assassins.

Lars, in his thirties. No one knows why he became an assassin.

Tyr, early twenties. Became an assassin when he moved to Kuz.

Kagnos, the leader of Kuz and of all its assassins.


Vex's "hole," or underground home. In Kuz, a port city in the far east of Beligroth, a country in

the world of Tavigoth.

Narrator: Vision the city of Kuz.

That wretched region of Beligroth.

Vision the city of Kuz.

Trade is to ships like fire to moth.

Fortune's short-lived and blood feuds are quick

If you so dreadfully choose to spend time in Kuz.

Its political uses make any man sick

The lame man will lose in the city called Kuz.

A city ran by a man who calls himself Kagnos.

A city ran by assassins of day.

Incompetence has no place in the sandbox,

Ashes to ashes, it all fades away.

A mind lacking reason cannot do well,

Nor can a man without regard for his art.

A clumsy man stumbles straight into hell.

And a blabbermouth fails right at the start.

Kuz, the hell made manifest.

An ordinary day there is not.

No man is safe in the city of Kuz.

A thing the assassins forgot.

[A man fills a gigantic mug and sits down at a table.]

Vex: Nothing like a cold mug of ale after a day in Kuz. Oh Kuz, the things I do.

Gary: Hahaha! Nothing like ale to wash the blood away, eh Vex?

Vex: Gary! How did you get here!

Gary: The usual way. Actually I've been here quite awhile.

Vex: What do you want?

Gary: Haha. Oh Vex, I don't want anything from you. I just came to get a job done.

Vex: A job? Why would you have a job in my hole? There are no jobs down here, Gary. What are

you getting at?

Gary: Hahaha, well gosh, Vex, haha, I just wanted to... check up on an old friend. How is work


Vex: Ugh. A priestess of Gorbach, Gary. A priestess. I am going to burn. These nobles and their

petty feuds. I cannot stand it.

Gary: Hm? You don't like our work? Haha, how can you not like our work? We are the kings of

Kuz! We are the keepers of law! Why worry about hell? BAHAH! We are in it. And we are the

Lords of Hell.

Vex: More like the breakers of law. I don't know, Gary. I'm not like you. I don't like to do all of this... this stuff. I just want to make a living. When I moved to Kuz, I was a tailor. Kuz just

doesn't have the market I needed.

Gary: Oh Kuz has a market! HAHAHA! We all have to do things, Vex. Things we don't want to

do... Sometimes, we have to do dreadful things. But really Vex, you can't say it's not worth it in

the end! Ha.

Vex: I don't know that it is. I'm thinking about leaving the city.

Gary: Are you really? I could help you there.

Vex: I'm just so sick of being so damn careful in Kuz. Every step could trigger a trap, every alley

can bring trouble. I thought by becoming one of his men, everything would be safe. But it ain't.

Gary: HAHA! I know what you mean. Everything one eats, everything one... drinks, can pose a

lethal threat.

Vex: What did you do?

Gary: Me? Hm?

Vex: You did something, what did you do!

Gary: Just drink the ale, Vex. There's nothing you can do now.

Vex: You- you poisoned me! Gary you bastard, I thought we were friends. Dammit, get out of

my hole! GET OUT!

Gary (laughing maniacally): Oh Vex Vex Vex. You've already drank too much. You should be

more careful. A job is a job, and no man is safe in the city of Kuz. No man save Kagnos himself.

But even Kagnos has to watch his step.

Vex: Oh god, oh god. Get out. Get out you scum, get out.

Gary: You don't have to tell me thrice, hahaha—ACK!

[Gary is struck by a flying trident and falls to the ground]

Lars: Oh. Oh dear. I-I-I-I've made quite a m-m-mess.

Vex: What the hell is going on? Lars, is that you? What the hell?

Lars: V-v-v-vex. What are you d-d-doing here?

Vex: This is my hole! What the hell!

Lars: Oh. Terribly sorry Vex. I-I-I-I had a job.

Vex: Oh blast.

Lars: Say, Vex y-y-you don't look so hot.

Vex: The bastard poisoned me. My own ale!

Lars: Oh. W-w-w-what am I supposed to do about this m-m-m-mess? I c-can't leave it here like

this. Kagnos will kill me. He'll k-kill me!

Vex: Blood everywhere, dammit Lars. If I wasn't dying, I'd be pissed. Shit. Do you think I could

bleed the poison out? I don't know why he used such slow acting shit poison.

Lars: Y-you drank it, Vex. You c-can't bleed it out. Oh gosh oh gosh, what am I supposed to do?

Vex: Only one thing you can do now, Lars. You gotta burn the building. And make it look


Lars: Oh I'm not good with f-f-fire.

Vex: Just run, scat. If anyone notices, maybe they'll think I did it before I died.

Lars: Oh. Oh maybe that'll work. T-thank you Vex. Sh-sh-should I tell boss about what Gary


Vex: No, just get. Like Gary said, a job is a job.

Lars: Okay. Bye Vex, s-sorry I can't help you.

Vex: Doubt anyone will care about Gary enough to look into it, bro. He's one of his men anyway.

Kagnos will probably cover it up.

Lars: Bye! OH!

[Lars trips while running out of Vex's hole. He tries to pick himself but something heavy drops

on top of him]

Tyr: Ohoho! You clumsy bafoon! You woulda got away with it, if it weren't for Vex and his silly

suggestion! Nice job, Vex. Oh Vex dear, you don't look so great. There's a bucket in the corner if

you need. Anyway Vex, grats. Tellin' the clumsy fool to run! Brilliant! You's a good buddy.

Vex: What the hell are you talking about? What are you doing? Tyr! What are you doing! Put

that away.

Lars: H-help! Help me!

Tyr: I'm afraid I cannot put it away, Vex. I has a job to finish. Don't look at me like that Vex. It's

all your fault. If Lars didn't fall, he wouldn't be in this situation. Say goodbye Lars!

Vex: Oh what the hell! What the hell, Tyr? What's happening? Why did you do that? What the


Tyr: Deep breaths, Vex. Deep breaths. By the looks of it, you don't got long to live. HA! You

prolly wonderin' what all this has to do with. Why all this death gotta happen in your hole. Well

Vex my friend, I'll tell ya.

Vex: Good lord, Tyr. Hurry up.

Tyr: You see Vex, it's called E-rad-ih-kay-shun. Eradication! You know, when ya gotta get ridda

somethin'. Well just so happens even our main man Kagnos gots to get ridda stuff. Kaggy don't like having shitty assassins giving him a bad name, you know? Boss wants people who won't put

his rule in jeopardy.

Vex: What are you getting at?

Tyr: Well you see, Lars here. He's a clumsy fool. He makes a big mess wherever he goes, he

don't clean it up and he always trippin'. Can't have a noisy assassin. He's worthless.

Vex: Why did Lars kill Gary?

Tyr: Oh Gary. Well I mean, you're still alive, Vex. Gary gave you a slow poison. He wanted to

talk to you before ya died. He revealed to you that he actually poisoned ya. So stupid! Don't get

me wrong, Gary was quick. But he took too many risks. Our man Kagnos don't like that, you


Vex: I guess. Did they know about the eradication? I don't get it.

Tyr: Course not. Only the finishing man, me, knew of it. They just thought they had shitty jobs

from crappy nobles. A job is a job after all. But this all brings us to you, Vex. You always

drinkin', man. You's an alcoholic. Can't have someone with a muddled mind and a loose tongue

doin' the work. So ya see, Vex, you hadda die.

Vex: Good god.

Tyr: Ain't no god, bro.

Vex: Ain't no god.

Tyr: No god in Kuz.

Vex: So now what are you gonna do?

Tyr: I did my job. Now I gotta get. Hey Vex? Vex. Vex. Vex? Ah, dead. Figures. HAH. Well my

job is done.

Kagnos: Tyr.

Tyr: Oh boss! Hey! I did it, boss. They all dead now. WOOH. You shoulda seen it, they all got

owned. OWNED. I beat their asses. They gotta learn to be more careful in Kuz. No one be left to

bug you no more, boss. You shoulda seen how Lars threw that trident into Gary. Shit, that was

awesome! Then Lars just go runnin' off and he goes SPLAT on the ground. I finished it, boss.

Kagnos: Thank you, Tyr. You've nearly completed my task.

Tyr: Nearly? Oh boss I don't think you saw. Vex died from the poison, he was changing colors

and all. Shit. Gary got impaled by a flying trident. Lars dropped it and when Lars dropped

himself, I went WHAM and then he went SPLAT. It's all done, boss. It was pretty impressive the

way I-

Kagnos: Tyr.

Tyr: Boss? Why you lookin' at me like that? Boss? Hey, boss? Kagnos, what is it? Argh.

Kagnos: You talk too much.


A Play


Jennifer Hirtler

Jennifer Hirtler

Marie Hannan-Mandel


December 13, 2010