the first time i od'd on ibuprofen
i took two,
and spent the night hoping i wouldn't die.
two months later, i was taking 40, 50, 60,
praying to gods i don't believe in
to leave this hellish place.
maybe god i s real.
maybe sometime i'll die,
and wake up again in a new hell
to spend millennia burning,
hating the heat i've always craved.
maybe the fires i light are just me
practicing for the day i day.
when i do,
i hope i have enough foresight
to write you a note, a love letter,
telling you how much i'll miss you,
and how much i've loved you.
i'll probably have burned it
with the dying coals of my heart,
but i hope you touch the ashes of my body,
spreading them with your fingers,
breathing me in.
i want to change someone.
i want my life to have an impact,