A/N: This is a completely random oneshot that has nothing to do with the other stories I'm currently writing. I just had this random idea in my head and decided to try it out. It's a little strange and a little weird but I kind of like it that way. Please tell me what you guys think. Love you all, and I'll continue with Unexpected and Mental (maybe...) ASAP. :]
During a not-so-exciting summer night just after my high school graduation, I was feeling a bit trapped in my house. Ever since graduation, I hadn't seen my so-called "friends" very often. I couldn't tell if I preferred it that way or not. What I did know was that I felt incredibly lonely. I had this desperate desire for human affection, contact, and attention. Truthfully, I'd had this desire for as long as I could remember. But it had heightened a bit ever since the last day of school. Besides my mother, I didn't see people regularly. I rarely left the house unless I had a good reason like going to get myself some food, going out to by something I needed, or going to therapy. Those were my only real reasons for leaving the house. And when I wasn't doing those things, I was stuck inside my room, either watching a movie or chatting with online friends or reading.
So on this particularly lonely night in late June, I decided that enough was enough. I felt so trapped in my house, trapped in my room, trapped in my body. It was like a cage that I couldn't escape. I felt dirty, both physically and emotionally. I felt like I needed a shower, or perhaps a swim in some cold pool somewhere. But I'd just taken a shower a few hours ago, and I didn't have access to a pool. I thought about going to the beach and taking a late-night dip in the ocean. But I realized that that would be a bit scary, and it was too far to drive so late at night. Granted, it was only 8:00 or 9:00. But it felt late to me, being the type of teenage boy who always went to bed at 10 o'clock every night.
Throughout high school, I never had a reason to stay up late. I took easy classes and never had much homework. And whatever homework I did have, I didn't care about. On Friday and Saturday nights, I didn't have any events to go to or friends to hang out with. I did have friends, but they were either busy or didn't want to invite me. So it was a rare occasion that I would stay up late. Perhaps every few weeks, I'd be hanging out with friends on a Saturday night and end up going to bed around 1:00 in the morning. But it was rare.
But tonight, I didn't feel like going to bed at 10:00. I didn't feel tired and I wanted to escape my house. I tried reading, a mental form of escape, but that didn't do the job. So I decided instead to just take a drive. Maybe I'd take my book with me and find a quiet spot in town to read alone.
I told my mom that I was going out for a few hours, and she looked at me skeptically. I decided to lie and tell her that I was going to watch a few movies at a friends house. She believed that and the confusion was wiped from her face.
I left the house and drove through town, loving the freedom, loving the fact that I could go anywhere I wanted and buy anything I wanted and do it all by myself. I'd never done anything like this before. It was quite unlike me to just wander around town by myself at night. Or at all. I stopped at the local convenience store and picked up a couple candy bars and a slushie. This was heaven to me.
I quickly decided that I wanted to go to the park, so I drove there. It was a nice park near my old elementary school. It had a couple playgrounds for different age groups of kids. One for toddlers, one for primary kids, and one for older kids. There was a set of ten large picnic tables, perfect for a kid's birthday party. There was a basketball court. And beyond all this, there was a vast expanse of grass. A large field. It was perfect for soccer or badminton or whatever kind of game you wanted. And it was huge. I remembered coming to the field once to set off a toy rocket with my dad. On the opposite side of the field, there was a line of large pine trees under which there was a path. I decided to go there.
Walking across the field took at least two full minutes. I brought my book and a flashlight with me. Once I arrived at the trees, I noticed a little spot of grass hidden in the woodsy area. It was a perfect place for a picnic with your loved one. It was nice and secluded. No one would be able to see you there, even in daylight. It was the perfect spot for me. I almost wished I had brought a blanket to lay on.
The cool, fresh, summer air on my face was already relaxing me and making me feel less trapped. The stuffiness of my home had faded from my nostrils and was replaced with the cooling scent of pine. I sat cross-legged on my secluded patch of grass and turned on the flashlight. Laughing, I realized that this was the perfect spot to sit in a circle with your friends and tell ghost stories at night. I pictured a group of friends around me. Not my real-life friends, but a few made-up friends that I'd imagined before. They all had names, but not faces. I held the flashlight to my chin and said, "Boo!" out loud. I chuckled to myself and my friends chuckled with me.
I erased them from my imagination as I opened my book. I read for an hour or so, becoming lost in the pages and forgetting where I was. This was the perfect place for me. It was the perfect moment of solitude.
After a truly shocking point during the climax of the novel, I was anxious to turn the page. But before I could, I heard footsteps. My head shot up at the noise. It disrupted my imagination and killed my mood. Someone had obviously seen the light from my flashlight through the trees. Otherwise, I would've been invisible in this spot. But the footsteps were coming toward me and I tensed up as I heard the crackle of pine needles underfoot.
All I could think was, who besides me would want to be at this park so late at night?
I turned off my flashlight just as a dark figure appeared through the trees. It was a man. I could just make out his features by the light of the moon. Maybe he wasn't quite a man. He looked a bit older than me, but not by much. Maybe he was nineteen. He was tall with broad shoulders. From what I could see in the moonlight, he looked rather attractive.
I'd known I was gay for as long as I could remember, but I'd never had any kind of sexual or romantic encounter. I'd never had a real crush. But this boy was certainly attractive.
He looked at me an smiled sadly.
"You look lonely." He said. His voice was deep, yet soft.
I shrugged instinctively, but then thought about that for a moment. I was pretty lonely. Not just in this moment, but in my life. My real friends weren't always there for me. I needed make-believe friends to keep me company every once in a while. My mother was preoccupied most of the time. I didn't have siblings, and I didn't have any interest in seeing my father. I was pretty lonely.
"I could use a friend." I told the stranger.
His smile was warm, although his face was white in the moonlight. Without hesitating, the boy came and sat beside me. Normally I would've found it strange, but for some reason it felt completely natural. Without saying anything more, I turned my flashlight back on and continued reading.
The two of us read together for another hour. Neither of us spoke a single word. He was a bit slower at reading than I was, so I always waited for him to finish a page before turning to the next one. While I waited, it gave me an opportunity to look at his face. By the light of the flashlight, I could make out his features much more clearly. It was a complete confirmation that he was one of the most adorable and gorgeous creatures I'd ever laid eyes on. His eyes were dark, but friendly. His face was flawlessly smooth and white. His short hair was dark and silky. His lips looked kissable.
At one point in the book, I was so intrigued by the plot that I forgot to wait before turning the page. He laughed at me and grabbed my hand so I'd turn back. I felt several wonderful sensations at his touch, as if a friendly snake had crawled into my bloodstream, spitting both ice and fire everywhere it went.
We finished the book and the ending upset me. It was the kind of ending that you wish didn't happen, the kind that made you want to throw the book. The characters hadn't ended up together. They'd ended up lonely. Like me.
As I closed the book, I began to cry. Normally I never cried in front of people, not even my therapist. But it felt so natural to cry in front of this complete stranger. And I almost couldn't help it. I set the book down and turned off the flashlight and just started sobbing. The boy noticed my sobbing, of course, but he didn't say anything. I expected him to be confused and weirded-out and annoyed. But he looked at me with sympathy and understanding and worry. Before I knew it, he was wrapping his arms around me and holding me close to him. My face became buried in his chest and I wrapped my arms around his torso.
And with that, my desperate desire for human affection was satisfied for the first time in my life. Not by a friend, not by a parent, not by a family member, not by a boyfriend. It was satisfied by a total and complete stranger. This person was hugging me of his own free will. He was hugging me because he seemed to care, and he seemed to understand. He had read the ending of the book too. He understood. He cared. No one had ever understood before and it was such a new experience that I felt completely overwhelmed. I cried harder and he held me tighter.
He didn't shush me or say anything to calm me down. He simply held me as close to him as possible. It was such an incredible feeling, being held by this man. He had thick muscles for cushioning and he was wearing a thick sweater as well. I was so comfortable and warm in his arms. And he was squeezing me, something a pillow could never do. At one point, he nuzzled his nose against my neck.
Somewhere in my subconscious, it registered that this was becoming slightly romantic. But for some reason, it all seemed natural. It seemed like we actors in a movie, merely going along with the script. We already knew our lines and we already knew the ending. Perhaps it was a silent film, because we still didn't speak.
My sobs finally quieted down. Effortlessly, our embrace turned more romantic. We both silently decided that it was time to kiss, so we did. He lifted my chin up and kissed me while we were still holding onto each other. I kissed back and it was the most perfect feeling in the world. I'd never kissed anyone before.
This was all registering in my mind, but not in my heart. Normally I would have found this all to be completely shocking and strange and confusing. But it felt normal. It felt natural. It felt effortless. And we both already knew the ending.
Without thinking twice, the both of us fell back and lay in the grass together while we kissed. He turned over onto his back and I lay on top of him, straddling him. Our lips never left each other. Every romantic desire I ever had was satisfied as soon as his tongue slipped into my mouth. The friendly snake circled through my bloodstream once again. I wanted to moan, but I enjoyed the silence too much.
We kissed for a long time.
We had sex under those trees. It felt so primitive to be having sex outside in the middle of the night without any blankets or condoms or anything. Just me and him and the grass and the sky. With him on top and me on the bottom, it hurt but it felt good. I gave him my virginity. I was completely willing, and so was he. It was one hundred percent consensual. Normally it would've felt so wrong, but it just felt natural.
We were facing each other when he came. I could only see his face by moonlight, but it was beautiful. The noises he made broke the silence for the first time, but it seemed to fit. I came not long after that. It was so much different than masturbating. In fact, it left me shaking with pleasure. The best part was, I had someone to hold me when it was over.
We held each other naked in the grass for a while. I wasn't sure how long, and I wasn't sure if I fell asleep or not. His skin was hot and his heart beat was strong and fast. It took him a long time to calm down. He gave me a few gentle kisses.
I must've fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, he was gone. It almost felt like a dream, but I knew it was real because my backside was aching substantially and I was still naked. My clothes were in a pile by the nearest tree so I put them on.
I wandered through the trees for a while, looking for him. I wanted to call out to him, but I didn't even know his name. So I left.
I went to bed that night not feeling strange at all. In fact, I felt satisfied for the first time in my life. Emotionally, physically, sexually, completely satisfied.
After a few days, it started to really sink in that I would never see that boy again. My heart started to hurt at the thought of knowing that the boy I gave my virginity to was long gone. I didn't even know his name and I would probably never learn it. I would probably never see him or talk to him or touch him or kiss him or make love to him again. The most perfect human being in the world was gone forever. The love of my life. I knew nothing about him, but I knew he was the one. Most people would call that childish and naive. But it was the truth and I could feel it not just in my heart but in my soul.
I never told anyone about him.
A year later, I was with a group of friends at that same park. They were my friends from high school that didn't really care about me. They didn't satisfy my desire for affection. They were just fake friends. One of them was a photographer and she wanted to take a few photos of me and some others at the park. We walked across the very same field and wandered down the same path through the trees. While making funny poses for the camera and laughing, I turned and noticed that spot of grass. It was so well-concealed by the trees that I almost hadn't noticed it. But there it was. And while my friends were busy with their camera and their silly poses, I wandered into that spot and there he was.
He was sitting with his back against a tree. He didn't have anything with him but the clothes on his back. He looked exactly the same as he did that night, but his features were a bit clearer in the daylight. He was just as beautiful as I remembered.
I looked at him and he looked at me and I knew he knew who I was.
He smiled brightly, as if amazed that I was here. I smiled back. He waved and I waved. I turned to make sure my friends weren't looking, and then I blew him a kiss. He blew one back.
For some reason it felt wrong to ask for his name. It felt wrong to say anything to him. For a moment I considered saying one thing, something incredibly meaningful. But I decided against it. Speaking to him seemed wrong. So he nodded and I nodded and we parted ways yet again.
Decide for yourself if that was real or just in his imagination.